FinsNation

Labor Day Weekend

Well, I'm outta here, Nation.

It's Friday and -- better yet -- it's Labor Day weekend. I plan on spending it by watching a whole hell of a lot of college football tomorrow, followed by attending my annual high-stakes fantasy football draft (don't worry, no defensive players in this one), followed by a lot of drinking and hopefully getting laid somewhere in between. But I guess we'll see.

I'll probably post something about the final roster cuts for the Dolphins sometime this weekend. Otherwise, I won't be back until Tuesday. Something I once read about being away from the computer and leaving the house gives you better odds with hot girls or something... Anyway ...

I leave you with a random song from my iPod. Have a fun and safe weekend, Nation!

See you Tuesday.

Not Looking Forward to Brett Favreh's Cheap Record-Breaking Ways

As the 2007 NFL season approaches, there are certain things I’m looking forward to. A new Dolphins season under new leadership. Pizza, burgers, hot wings and an assortment of other crap I plan on stuffing myself with (washing it down with Heinekens, Sam Adams and the occasional Coke) while watching games on Sunday afternoons and Monday nights. Fantasy football. Cheerleaders. And hanging out with my boys.

One thing I’m not looking forward to is Brett Favre. Favre stands to break a few of Dan Marino’s most illustrious records this season, including the grand daddy of 'em all: career touchdowns.

Favre has hijacked his team, hijacked the Packers fan base and hijacked Aaron Rodgers’ career. All for the sake of dragging his tired country-fried, deer killin' ass back and scraping through another interception riddled season just so he can break Marino’s records.

While Peyton Manning will eventually own the record book, it’s just a tad annoying knowing that someday Marino will sit at number 3. Even more annoying will be the constant verbal blowjobs Favre will receive when he breaks the records from the likes of John Madden, Peter King and all of Bristol, Connecticut.

I wrote Favre a letter on my old blog last year. As a Dolphin fan, and as a Marino-worshipper, I figured to be a little bit biased about the whole thing.

But apparently, this Packer fan feels the exact same way I do about this whole travesty.

As the time comes near to Favre breaking the records, you can be sure that I’ll be venting here. I hope you’ll join me.

Until then, I’ll be holding my breath with the rest of America until Favre has another press conference where he tells us he’s not retiring. Again.

Ugh. Go shit on a wild boar, Brett Favre.

(thanks to Banyantree for the link)

Shannon Sharpe Doesn't Like the 2007 Dolphins

Network analysts' off-air predictions for the 2007 Dolphins

CBS' Shannon Sharpe said this about the 2007 Miami Dolphins: "It's a 6-10, 7-9 team. Trent Green is not who he was [before last year's concussion]. Going from Randy McMichael to David Martin is a step down -- Martin drops easy passes.''

Ok horseface. Here’s the thing. McMichael was ranked 22nd of 24 tight ends in proportion to dropped passes last year. David Martin is an upgrade. Captain Hook would be an upgrade to that Vaseline lathered, wife-beating assbag.

Now close your mouth before your inexplicably large tongue accidentally kills somebody.

Saints-Dolphins Re-Cap: Learning Curves

Saints 7 - Dolphins 0

Well that was brutal. These are the kinds of games they show to break prisoners at Guantanamo Bay. There's waterboarding and then there's a game like tonight's. All in all craptastic.

On to the notes:

The Good:

-After all his smarmy remarks and blaming the Fins' offense and the infield at the Stadium, and all the shit he talked about how his crappy play as Dolphins kicker was everybody else's fault but his, our friend Olindo Mare went 0-for-3 in field goal attempts tonight, missing a 33 yarder, a 50 and a 55 yarder. He missed three makable field goals. In a dome. No infield dirt. No bad weather. Saints fans booed him loudly. Have fun with that, New Orleans. He's all yours.

-Running back Patrick Cobbs looked like he had lost his chance at landing a job when his drive-killing fumble against the Bucs last week was the lone low-light for the offense. But tonight he made up for it in a huge way. Cobbs was the lone standout in an otherwise lethargic offense. Catching passes out of the backfield, hitting holes at the line of scrimmage and making guys miss -- he really had an outstanding game. Cobbs finished with 44 yards rushing and 39 yards receiving. He outplayed Lorenzo Booker -- who looks like he's still running for Bobby Bowden -- and really made a case for himself. The guy is a scrapper and I'd love to have him as a 4th RB and a special teams play-maker. In fact, how bout we give him the kickoff return duties instead of Ronnie Brown.

-LB Edmund Miles, the rookie out of Iowa, was all over the field tonight. He really had a solid performance.

-CB Jason Allen, the much maligned former first-round pick, entered this game on fragile ground. He really had an all around solid outing with 6 tackles and an interception. The Fins have a lot of money invested in this guy and while he clearly has shown he's not first-round talent (thanks a lot Nick Saban, you useless nutsack), he does have something to offer and if he can be as active in the regular season as he was tonight, then I'll take it.

-Rookie LB Kelvin Smith had an all around solid game with 9 tackles. As did DB Courtney Bryan.

The Bad:

-The offensive line was putrid. They allowed 4 sacks and gave John Beck the absolute worst pass protection you can give a guy. Saints DE Wille Evans had his way with the Dolphins' left tackles all night, registering 3 sacks. The good news: none of the O-linemen who started tonight are regular starters.

-John Beck had his worst game as a Dolphin. 63 yards, 2 INT and 0 TDs. Yes, the offensive line should carry a lot of the blame. BUT, Beck made a ton of rookie mistakes tonight. He forced passes where he shouldn't, held on to the ball too long and took way too many sacks. Again, the height was an issue as he dealt with more batted balls at the line of scrimmage. Drew Brees had to overcome this as well. At 6'2, Beck needs to understand that D-linemen in the NFL are big as well as tall. And, as Cam Cameron noted in his post-game comments, Beck needs to learn that an incomplete pass is not a bad thing. Beck needs to learn to throw the ball away. The times he held on to the football and took a sack, rather than throwing an incompletion, were drive-killers. All in all, though, it's good that Beck finally had a poor outing and struggled as bad as he did. It'll just drive him to work that much harder.

That's it from this end. Come Saturday, we'll know who impressed the coaches and who didn't, as the deadline for final roster cuts are to be made by 6:00PM.

But thank God the pre-season has finally come to an end. Bring on the regular season!

Saints-Dolphins Preview: The Final Cut

 

This is it. Last game of the pre-season. We made it. After this, the next time the Fins play a game it’ll be in Washington when it counts.

Tonight is all about players looking to land a roster spot. The deadline for final roster cuts is this Saturday at 6PM.

You want a job, Joe McScrubs? Play your ass off tonight.

Some things to look at tonight:

Newly signed DE Jorge Cordova, who will play Jason Taylor’s position. Akbar Gbaja-Biamila and Abraham Wright will also compete for that position.

On offense, Az-Zahir Hakim and PK Sam will duke it out (not literally, of course, but wouldn't that be cool?) to land the fifth WR spot.

Then there’s the right tackle position. At first, Anthony Alabi replaced LJ Shelton on the depth chart because Shelton was too fat. But Alabi blew his chance by having a very sub par pre-season thus far. Shelton, meanwhile, has proven that he can stay away from the donuts and cream cheese long enough to win back the job. My money is on Shelton starting the season as our RT. But tonight will determine it. Also, Alabi might not even suit up due to a bum knee.

Elsewhere tonight, we'll get to see John Beck play most of the snaps. He’ll start the season as the No.3 QB and will likely not see the field again until ... oh ... let's say around Week 12 when the Dolphins are 4-8 and hopelessly out of the playoff picture. So get your John Beck fix tonight while you can. (Speaking of Beck, Cam Cameron will be re-united with the QB he groomed into a star while the two were in The Whale's Vagina San Diego-- New Orleans’ Drew Brees. Here’s hoping Beck is the next Brees, if not better).

I also hope we get to see a whole lotta Lorenzo Booker tonight.

Outside of that, don’t expect to see any starters tonight. Meanwhile, Joey Porter (knee) and Andre Goodman (shoulder) are not expected to play.

I'll be back post-game to give my thoughts.

Jason Taylor And Other Tales of Badassery & Wonder

   

This is Jason Taylor.

He plays. He sacks. He conquers.

Do not think just because he won the Defensive Player of the Year in 2006 that his greatness has past. Oh no, my friends. He is only just beginning to unleash his terror against the rest of the National Football League.

Why, ask his new head coach. He’ll tell you. Cam Cameron -- like every other opposing coach in the NFL -- would get the testicle-shrivels whenever he had to game-plan for JT as the Chargers' OC. And he’s man enough to admit it:

“You have to account for him every play,'' Cameron said. “People say, 'We'll run at him.' If you run at him, he's tough for people to stay on because he's so active. You say, 'We'll run away from him.' Then he runs you down from behind. Then you say, 'We'll have to double him,' and you free-up somebody else to make a play.

”It's nice to be on the same sideline.''

So far, I’ve been in two fantasy drafts that feature independent defensive players. Both times I drafted JT. Both times I was mocked for taking him too early.

But the mocking only masked the fear and dread that seized upon my fellow fantasy football dorks. For I now have Jason Taylor on my team. And they all took a collective shit on their computer keyboards.

Jason Taylor is a man-beast. You can never take him too early.

He’s the man that brings offensive linemen to their knees.

He’s the man who gives Tom Brady nightmares.

He’s the man who keeps Mr. Dead in his pocket.

So I ask you, my fantasy football competitors … Know what I have in my fantasy football lineup?

Doom.

Anvil Head

Who? Or what, is the newest, most devastating, most sensational full back on the Miami Dolphins?!

Some have called him Corey The Masked Destructor. Others, Schle-killer. It is believed that he is worshipped as a god of thunder in certain lost Amazonian tribes. They call him Gorkon, which means Big Ass White Dude With A Thick Ass Neck.

We fans call him Cory Schlesinger. His close friends call him Cory.

His teammates, however, know him as Anvil Head.

And he shall unleash his destruction upon all opposing defensive linemen and linebackers who dare stand in his way and in the way of his running back. Tedy Bruschi, Jonathan Vilma ... beware! For Anvil Head The Mighty shall smash a hole right through your torso, leaving a bloody wake of torn flesh and shattered bits of bone sprayed across the field (while Ronnie Brown runs untouched for a touchdown) and you will wish to your ever loving god that you had called in sick or faked a hamstring injury during pre-game.

Who’s gonna mess with the badass dynamic duo of Anvil Head and the Juggernaut?!!

Only a fool. That's who. And what do Anvil Head and the Juggernaut do?

Knock fools out.

Adam Schefter Has His Sources

Here I Am ring tone

Hello! This is The Schef!

Adam. Whaaat’s happening.

Oh. Hi Randy. How’s it going?

Yea... Say, where did you get this information about me putting Chambers on the trading block?

A very well placed source. Someone within your organization with inside information. But I can’t tell you who because I don’t want him to get into trouble.

Well… you got us in a bit of a pickle here, my little friend. Chambers has gone apeshit. The last thing we need is dissention among the players.

Sorry about that Muel. But this is my job and I gotta report what I hear. I pride myself in being the best in the business in breaking these kinds of stories. Plus I really wanna impress Rod Woodson. I ... I think I love him.

Uh ... Um. Okay. Great. But … Look, I just want to quell the fires that’s all. Just give me a name. I swear he won’t get in trouble. I’m trying to run a very fragile organization here.

Okay fine. His name is Luigi.

Luigi? Is that a code name like Deep Throat?

No. That’s his real name. He’s Italian. And he’s the best Insider I have. He's so secretive, he's never shown his face to me. But he gives me all this great information. He even told me that you guys had agreed on a contract with Donte’ Stallworth.

:sigh: Okay Adam. I appreciate it. Goodbye.

Here I Am ringtone

Hello! This is The Schef!

:Clears throat: Hey, Adam-eh! Adam-eh my-a friend-eh! It's-a me! You-a friend. Luigi! I have-a more-a informations for you-a!

Great Luigi! What is it?

LaDanian Tomlinson-a just-a fail a drug test-eh and is-a being traded to the CFL-eh!

Wow! Thanks Luigi! I’ll get that on the air right away! You’re the best!

Te nada … ah, er… I a mean-a … Bon giorno!

3 minutes later ...

Good evening. We have a huge breaking story coming out of San Diego! For that we take you to our Inside man, Adam Schefter. Adam … 

Phil Simms Doesn’t Like the 2007 Dolphins

Network analysts' off-air predictions for the 2007 Dolphins

CBS' Phil Simms said this about the 2007 Dolphins: “They don't have enough stars. I've never known skill players to have seasons that exceed the quality of their offensive line. You need at least two guys in the top group of NFL linemen. Right now, they don't have any. They have a pretty good defensive front seven, but is it the Baltimore Ravens? Is it shut down? Probably not. If they're a fringe playoff contender, the fans should see it as a tremendous job by the coach.''

Congratulations, Phil Simms! The NFL is now 75% gayer!* While your boy Chris has his college buddy’s name tattooed on his ankle, you’re considered the second half of the most homoerotic play-by-play team in the NFL. Also, Ryan Seacrest is now a part of the NFL, so he’s doing his part to contribute to the added gayness in a big way.

Oh, and your color commentary... kinda shoddy. Which is like shitty, except with an 'o'.

And a 'd'.

*Not that there’s anything wrong with that

Report: Chambers On The Block

The NFL Network's Adam Schefter is reporting that Chris Chambers has been made available on the trade market by the Dolphins.

Chambers is scheduled to make $5.4 million in base salary this season to go along with his $7.3 million salary-cap number. As productive as Chambers has been -– catching at least 59 passes in each of the past four seasons and 82 two seasons ago –- his financial numbers are not easy for the cap-strapped Dolphins to swallow.

According to what Schefter is saying here, this is purely a business move by Miami. I can see that. Try to move a receiver who still has some relative value to save a little cap space. Makes sense.

An off-season ago, this would've sent Fin fans apeshit and calling for Randy Mueller's head: "We traded Chambers?!! Give us Randy Mueller's head!!!" we'd yell while waiving torches in the air, even though this is the 21st Century and there is no earthly reason anyone should be carrying a torch.

But now, the sentiment in Fins Nation would probably be: "We traded Chambers? Meh. What did we get for him? A 4th round pick and a plasma television for the locker room? Cool."

Either way, it's out there. And I say no one will bite. And -- wait, I'm going out on a limb here -- I'm going to say Chambers will be a Miami Dolphin when the season starts September 9th in Washington. Besides, it's Adam Schefter. The same guy who said absolutely, positively Donte Stallworth was going to sign with the Dolphins. And then he did the exact opposite of that very thing.