A Message From Some Random Dolphins...

Hi. I’m Cam Cameron. First of all, you’ve all got to calm down. Heck fire, we all do. I’m talking to you. Yea you in the blue shirt. I can see you. Turn that frown upside down. I’m just kidding, I can’t see you. Look, we’re going to stick with Trent Green, okay. He’s our guy. He’s going to take it one game at a time and play within himself. He’s going to go out there and give it 110%. So don’t worry about it Dolphins fans. No one is as frustrated about all this as I am. I promise. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve go to go prepare this week’s game plan. There’s a Kenny G album in my office CD player with my name all over it!

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Hi. This is Wayne Huizenga. Shheethh…sheethh…shheeeth…. Sorry bout that. I just had ribs for lunch. That's why I made those noises. I am out of floss. Anyhoo, I just wanted to thank you all for your continued support. Did you know that I got started in the garbage business? There’s also that video rental thing, but garbage is where I made my bones. And my goal of turning the Miami Dolphins into the refuse of the NFL is nearly complete. LOL… I’m just fucking with you. Just stick with me, Dolphins fans. We’re going to turn this around. I promise. Just please keep supporting us and keep buying shit from the team shop and keep renewing your season tickets. Consider it all an investment that will pay off some day. Trust me. Hey, I’m a business man. I know what I’m talking about. Oh. Gotta run. My limousine is about to run into a tunnel and  ….. shhhhhhhhhhhshhshhshhshhshhshhh ……. …….

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Hi. I’m Lorenzo Booker. I just took a shit in Jason Allen’s helmet. Because I’m bored as tits out here.

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Hi. I’m Mike Mularkey. I have a message for all you Dolfans down in the dumps. For all you Dolfans suffering through this 0-4 season, watching your beloved team become the laughing stock of the NFL, watching as your once dominant defense gets shredded by backup running backs every week. My message: Suck on that bitches!!! Know what this is? This is karma, mother fuckers! A big heaping slice of karmic payback! Oh, Mike, don’t be so harsh! Our team sucks. Boofuckinghoo!! Know what I’m doing now? Do you? I’ve been relegated to “instant replay” guy! That’s right! I went from being a head coach, to being offensive coordinator, to being tight ends coach, to being fucking instant replay monitor. I mean, why don’t they just strip me of all my clothes, hang me upside down by my nut sack in the middle of Bayside and have people walk by and throw cat shit at me? It would be a step up in my pathetic life right now. So ha ha, assholes! You get what you deserve! And while my wife has left me and I am now having sex with a blowup doll, my son Shaney is still with me. And if any of you homos want to keep making fun of me, I’m going to send my son to beat the living shit out of you! … I’m going to have him take Polaroids of your beaten limp body … and I’m going to hang them on my walls and masterba … oh who the fuck am I kidding?? …. I miss my old job …. Fuck I hate my life!!! ... Shaney! Where's my Scotch??? One of your little punk fagotty friends drink all my Scotch again??? Shaney!!!!

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Hewwoooh!! Ima Kin Yon Il. Wanna know why you linebacka Joey Pota sucky so much cock on football field? Becaaaaws I have replaced you Joey Pota with android weplacement. Soon all NFL team will have android weplacement. And every NFL team will sucky so much cock. But it start wit you, Miami Dophins. Becaws I once was in South Beach club and ask girl to dance and she laugha ina my face and say to me "no thank you little ole lady." So now I hate South Beach. So you suffer first, Miami. If I were you, I check to see if Jason Taylor is human or Korean android. Is all part of my master plan to rule world through fat American religion call Football. I don’t need nuke. Soon I take over world with my army of sucky so much cock android replacement. Bwaahahahahahaha!!!!!

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Hi. I’m Jason Allen. I … I just wanted to …. I --- what the fuck!!?? Who took a shit in my helmet!!??

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Comments

[Dat RoRo Kid]

Can someone tell me why we can't throw a quick screen out to Ginn, put a receiver and tight end to block and see if this guy can make some plays in open space? WTF?!?!

[TK]

This just made my week.

[Jason]

Classic!

[Jing]

Makes me smile, as usual

[Coral Gables Dave]

The Mularkey bit was great. I just hope Dom Capers fixes the defense so he's not the one having a breakdown on FN next and then threatening us with violence.

[finfan1]

Oh man, that shit was brilliant! Now we know where Booker's been this whole time! hahaha!!!

[marv albert's hair piece]

Yup. Cam totally seems like a Kenny G guy to me.

[vman]

Kenny G.....That figures.

[nonee moose]

Who's ribs?

[FinGirl22]

Yea, really Moose. The entire fanbase's I'd say..

[TBoney]

God damn that was funny! Found your site through Deadspin today but wish I had found it sooner. I've been needing a place to vent my frustrations at the Phins.

Good work man.