FinsNation

Weekender: Free Agency Open Thread

So that I don’t have to keep posting stuff all the livelong day (and weekend), I’m just going keep updating Dolphins free agent stuff here on this post as they happen.

As you have done before, feel free to add your own news in the comments as you get it. You guys have been bringing it strong all off-season long. You guys are true fans. You guys are, quite possibly, the tits.

***
Sunday, 11:53 AM: The Tuna is denying the Yahoo! Sports Jason Cole report that Jason Taylor's days with Miami are done. Parcells says JT will be a Dolphin in 2008 unless the DE chooses to retire. Parcells then verbal-rapes Jason Cole's report as only Parcells can: "This latest report is just another example of journalistic irresponsibility."

Continue Reading Free Agency Open Thread >>

Fins Could Throw Some Money at Calvin

Cardinals free agent linebacker Calvin Pace is expected to visit the Fins today (along with Godsquad QB Josh McCown). FOXSports.com is saying that Parcells & Co. are preparing to offer Pace Joey Porter money.

"Miami is preparing to offer Pace the same kind of mega-deal that linebackers Adalius Thomas and Joey Porter received in free agency last off-season. New England and Miami signed Thomas and Porter respectively to five-year, $32 million contracts that included $20 million in guaranteed money."

Pace was the 18th overall pick in 2003 by Arizona. Incidentally, Parcells took Terrence Newman with the 5th overall pick that year. Also incidentally, the Cowboys signed an undrafted QB from Eastern Illinois, Tony Romo.

Calvin Pace struggled playing in the 4-3 system with the Cards. He was also featured as a defensive end. But last season, after being moved to outside linebacker in the 3-4 scheme, Pace had a career year. He was highly touted when he came out of college and is one of the top free agent linebackers in the market (No. 4 in my rankings).

But Joey Porter money? Really? I don't know, man. I just don't know. All I know is that a chick with a really nice ass and a killer rack that I've never seen before just walked past my cubicle. Who is she? What is she doing here? And, more importantly, is she free for lunch? And, even more important, does she do Jello shots? Fear not. I'm going to get to the bottom of this. Talk amongst yourselves.

Fins Sign Justin Smiley

The Dolphins kicked off the free agency period by signing a guy none of us had mentioned or talked about: former 49ers guard Justin Smiley. Smiley is 26 and will replace Rex Hadnot at right guard. Hmm. 26 and replaces Rex. I like him already!

The contract is worth five-years, $25 million with a $9 million signing bonus. Smiley is coming off a torn labrum and was placed on injured reserve by the 49ers in November, but will be ready to roll come training camp.

Justin Smiley is considered an athletic lineman with good upside. He's also a big dude: 6-3, 311 lbs. So, good start to the free agency period, I'd say.

Bill Parcells Continues His Man-Crush on Shaun Rogers

Armando Salguero is reporting that the Dolphins are one of five teams currently pursuing a trade with the Lions for NT Shaun Rogers.

The genius that is Matt Millen is likely asking for a 2nd round pick for Rogers. But I think a high 3rd is more appropriate. The Fins have two second rounders, and Salguero suggests that the 2nd second-round pick they got from the Whale's Vagina San Diego for Butters McGee Chambers would do the trick.

Rogers is a dominant player when he wants to be. And, at 28, is still at an age where he can keep producing for many seasons to come. But the guy has built a reputation for being a loafer. He plays hard when he feels like it and he shuts down when things aren't going well. I guess both playing for the Lions and living in Detroit will do that to a man. But, things aren't all roses and sunshine down in Dolphinland either.

Also, Rogers likes to play May I Stick My Face Between Your Tits and Blow? with strippers without their permission. This is bad. He also throws down a few cheeseburgers and whole turkeys from time to time, just because he can. This is not so bad. But it is bad when you're in the middle of an NFL season.

But ever since Parcells was coaching the Cowboys, he's been enamored with Rogers. And as soon as the Lions announced that they were putting him on the trading block, many assumed the Dolphins would be right in the mix for his services. And they apparently are.

If Parcells is as in-love with Shaun Rogers as everyone says he is, then I guess the Dolphins need to be considered one the favorites to land him. As long as we don't give up too much for him, I'm cool with it. Last time I checked, we are in dire need of a defensive tackle and Rogers, when he decides to turn it on, is one of the league's best.

So, go get him Tuna. Just don't give up too much. And watch your tits.

Free Agency Talk

   

Free agency starts Friday and the Dolphins have 40 mill to blow. It's like the Dudette with my credit/debit card on the day after Thanksgiving. But about $40 million less than what I actually have. Here's the latest:

Forget seeing Rex Hadnot or Chris Liwienski in a Fins uniform ever again. Why? Because Miami has no interest in bringing back guys with a dog's name and the name of a woman who blew the president, respectively. Oh and the fact that they were shitty is also a reason. This means that Flozell Adams and Alan Faneca are both on Parcells' radar. But the demand will be huge for both of those guys. This means Miami could be left with targeting Jason Fabini, Jamar Nesbit, Kwame Harris, Jacob Bell, and Floyd Womack. All big, all beefy, all juicy. That's what Parcells looks for in men offensive linemen. So we'll see.

Meanwhile, according to his agent, Pats cornerback Asante Samuel said that he'd love to hear from his hometown Dolphins. I think he'd pretty much would love to hear from whomever is stupid enough to give him the $11 million annual contract he's looking for. Better to focus on trying to sign Jacques Reeves, whom I wrote about a couple of weeks ago. There's also a rumor going around that the Fins have Pats safety Eugene Wilson in their sights. The Dolphins tried calling him directly at his home, but Wilson injured himself trying to answer his phone and is reportedly out 4-6 weeks*

The Herald is reporting that 49ers defensive end Marques Douglas is on Miami's wishlist. Douglas is an excellent run-stuffer and built to play in the 3-4 scheme. Last year he recorded 72 tackles (56 solo) and 3 sacks. We need run-stuffers like a traveling salesman needs a hooker. Real bad.

As for QB, our dream of living in a Cleo-Lemon-free world is getting closer and closer each day, as there has been no interest from the Tuna in re-signing him. Other than that, there has been very little to report on what the FO will do here. Not much to choose from, really. Josh McCown, Daunte Culpepper, Billy Volek, Byron Leftwich. Damn. Parcells will pull a whole live chicken out his ass before he finds us a stable QB who isn't a rookie, or inexperienced, or a complete bed shitter. So hunker down and get used to us still being a team with no immediate answer at quarterback. Unless he works out a trade.

At receiver, the Fins issued a tender to keep The Mexican Golden God. No word yet on who they're interested in the WR free agency pool. But there are some solid names out there. I'd like us to sign Bryant Johnson, Jerry Porter, or Andre Davis -- in that order. I guess we'll see.

That's the latest on the whole free agency orgy extravaganza that'll kick off midnight Friday. Should be wild and crazy... Your thoughts below.
-

*this is not entirely accurate, in that I made that part up.

Combine Talk: I Like Gholston More Than Long. There I said It.

 

For the record: I think Chris Long is an exceptional defensive end. And I will be very pleased if Miami ends up drafting him.

Howevah!

I do think that Vernon Gholston is a better prospect. He's a more gifted athlete, more explosive and a more versatile player. His skills, to me, seem as if they will translate a lot better at the NFL level than Long's.

Long had himself a very impressive combine Monday. The Internet is all atwitter over his performance. Here's the video. I swear you can hear Mayock and Eisen coming in their pants as they watch him. Wow! Look at him! He's so fired up! What a motor! He can't stay still!

But Gholston had himself an equally impressive day and even surpassed Long in some of the drills. In fact, he made me come. Plainly put, Gholston is half-man, half animal. He's a Manimal.

He weighed in at 266 lbs. then did 37 reps on the bench press. 37 reps of 225 lbs. That's the same amount of reps top offensive lineman prospect Jake Long recorded. Gholston officially clocked in at 4.67 in the 40. This guy is a linebacker/defensive end. He can bench that much and yet run in the 4.6's and is nimble and quick? Holy mother of pearls that's awesome.

And now to sound like an experienced NFL scout when clearly I am not (and neither are you, ya dildo!): Gholston was fluid and displayed tremendous quickness, explosion and speed during the position workouts. He showed great field awareness, foot work and raw athleticism. He was impressive all around. And I'm telling you, whoever drafts The Manimal is going to have an absolute beast on their roster. They're going to have to keep him in a cage before kickoffs, lest he run over to the opposing side during warm ups and rips off the quarterback's head with his bear hands.

Here are the combine drills results for both Long and Gholston:

Long:
40: 4.75
225: Did not participate
Vert: 4.21
Broad Jump: 10.04
3 Cone: 7.02

Gholston:
40: 4.67
225: 37
Vert: 4.4
Broad Jump: 10.05
3 cone: 7.12

The results are very similar. Long might be slightly more polished, as evidenced in the 3 cone drill -- a difference of 10 seconds. But Gholston is stronger, faster and more athletic. Again, I'm fine with Long. But if we get Gholston, I'll be one freakishly happy Dude. It'll be just like first the time I saw real-life boobs. Well, not exactly like it. But very close.

Combine Talk: Jerry's Got a Hankerin!

 

I've made no secret about how much I love Darren McFadden. If I were a GM, I'd make him the guy to get. But, alas, I am just a lowly blogger. Tear.

Yesterday during the combine, McFadden justified my man-crush for him when he ran an unofficial 4.27 40-yard dash. The official time was 4.33. That's faster than Adrian Peterson's combine time. That's blaszing fast. That's stupid fast. That's ludicrous fast.

During the combine wrap-up yesterday, Adam Schefter resuscitated the old Dallas trading with Miami rumors, as he is wont to do.  As we all know, rubber-faced Jerry Jones is enamored with McFadden. Schefter says the Fins and  Dallas have been in talks to swap 1st round picks. And Jerry, being the crazy old coot that he is, could be throwing in RB Marion Barber for good measure. Holy and fuck.

If I was Jerry Jones, I'd make this trade. And here's why: Number one, McFadden's stock is only going to grow in the coming weeks and now there's a report (very last sentence in this article) that says the Falcons are beginning to feel the McFadden itch. And number two, because I love the Miami Dolphins. I am persuasive.

Look you crazy old rubber-faced assbag, your Cowboys are a team that's on the cusp. They've got a great offensive line, a young up-and-coming defense, a stellar quarterback, a big-play receiver, a great complimentary receiver and now... Zach Thomas! You are one big-time play maker away from becoming the best team in the NFC. McFadden is that player. The kid's a stud (and quite literally from what I've read). He's versatile, dangerous and will make your offense so unstoppable, your head will explode and the pieces of your face will bounce all over the room like hundreds of those super-balls you get for 25 cents in a gumball machine at the grocery store.

Romo/Owens/McFadden. I smell The New Triplets! And they smell delicious.

C'mon, Jerry. Let's make a deal!

Combine Talk: The Dolphins Don't Need No Stinkin Combine Talk!

Hey there Nation! I spent the entire weekend watching all 12 hours of NFL Combine coverage on the NFL Network, non-stop, so I can bring you all the latest. I have a two-day old beard which contains remnants of Lucky Charms, Rold Gold pretzels and, for some reason, freshly laid pigeon eggs. I smell like ass and my eyeballs look like they've been dipped in a bucket of chlorine. The Dudette won't come anywhere near me. But it was all worth it! Because now I have the scoop on all the prospects and we can break down 40 times and bench press reps and figure out who raised their stock in the eyes of the Fins' front office and ... and .... and ...

What's this?: "Combine won't decide Fins' pick. A source at the Scouting Combine in Indy has shared with us some scuttlebutt regarding the Dolphins' possible plans with the No. 1 overall pick...nothing that happens in Indianapolis will compel the Fins to make up their minds."

Blimey!

There was also this: "[The Dolphins] supposedly like defensive end Chris Long, defensive end/linebacker Vernon Gholston, quarterback Matt Ryan, and defensive tackle Sedrick Ellis.  The thinking is that they’ll pass on an offensive lineman in round one because they believe that the draft is deep in that category, and that they can address those needs later."

Wait. What? They like Vernon Gholston?

Holy shit.

I did it!!

I finally broke through!!!

(Anyway... your thoughts on Howie's kid, Ryan, Gholston and the fact that they'll be looking at O-line later in the draft.)

Wayne Huizenga is Half the Man He Used to Be

Breaking News: The Dolphins have announced that owner Wayne Huizenga has sold half of the Dolphins to big money man Stephen Ross.

Huizenga will remain the managing general partner, and the transaction will require full approval by the other owners. But Ross and Huizenga will be 50-50 partners.

Said Wayne: “I have always said that I wanted to bring in a partner, and I can’t think of anyone more appropriate than Steve. He has unbridled enthusiasm and I couldn’t feel better about the future than I do with Steve as my partner and Bill Parcells running football operations.”

Ross had this to say about it in a statement: "Having grown up in South Florida, Dolphins football has been a lifetime passion for me. I am energized by this opportunity and look forward to being able to once again watch the Dolphins win a Super Bowl alongside all the other loyal Dolphin fans."

Hey, I like that last statement. Which is the only reason I bothered to post this. So this means that Ross' enthusiasm without bridle means he'll either be Bob Kraft and his money and ability to stay the fuck out of the way will bring us a winner down here, or he'll become Dan Snyder and completely ruin our franchise.

Well, ruin it more than it already is anyway.

Weekender: Free Agents & Rumor Mongering

The Franchise dead-line came and went and a lot of names came off the board, while a lot of names remain.

Some of the key guys who were franchised yesterday:

S Ken Hamlin, Dallas: My boy Hamlin is off the board. Fuck, fuck, fuckarooo!!!

CB Nnamdi Asomugha, Oakland: Dude with the mad skills and the mad name was not only franchised, he was "exclusively" franchised, which means he's not free to sign with any team no matter the compensation. Damn they nailed his ass down.

OT Max Starks, Pittsburgh: Starks was tagged as a 'Transition' player, which means we can offer a contract but the Steelers can match whatever offer we give. That's not likely to happen.

The other big names that were franchised: LB Terrell Suggs, CB Marcus Trufant, OT Jordan Gross, LB Karlos Dansby, DT Corey Williams.

So, what does this all mean? It means guys like OT Flozell Adams and Alan Faneca are free. Armando Salguero says the Dolphins are very much in the hunt for Faneca (my No. 2 ranked FA O-lineman). Like I said, the dude is a monster (don't make him angry!). And at 31, still has plenty of football left in him. So, I'm giddy with this bit of news. Giddy, I say.

Another top FA player that'll be available is LB Lance Briggs. The Bears did not franchise him and Peter King has mentioned Briggs as a possible target for the Fins. The good news here is that the Dolphins not only hold the number one overall pick, and not only hold the number one ranking as shittiest team in the NFL, but also rank number one in the NFL as the team with the most money under the cap ($44.995 million).  So there's money to spend.

Elsewhere, the Falcons won the coin toss this morning and officially hold the No. 3 overall pick. There's a rumor going around that the Giants are trading their 31st overall pick to Atlanta for uber-talented and uber-all-around-douche, cornerback DeAngelo Hall.

Several things can be gleaned from this, and by gleaned I mean completely made up scenarios by me: Looking to move up to take Matt Ryan and needing to give Miami their first and 2nd round picks to get it done, Atlanta would now have two picks in the first round (3rd and 31st) and therefore be more inclined to part with that second rounder to make the trade with Miami. Or, they can use their newly acquired 31st pick and swing it along with their No. 3 to the Fins for the No. 1, if that's what Parcells says it takes to get it done. In all likelihood one of you asshole-know-it-all commenters* is going to come in here and shit on my parade and shoot down this scenario. But fuck you. It's my blog and I make up shit around here as I see fit. Shit, if PFT can do it...

Anyway, yea, Miami needs to trade down and get more picks. Atlanta seems like the best chance for that to happen. So I'll just end this post by saying: Damn! Matt Ryan is the greatest quarterback I've ever seen! Dan Marino? Peyton Manning? Tom Brady? Pfft. Pussies! Ryan is the guy you want when you're building a dynasty! Damn I'm so happy we have the first pick! Ryan will lead us -- or any other team that drafts him -- to like, 8 or 9 Super Bowls!!!! You heard it here first!
-

*I love you, commenters. And If love can be avoided by simply closing my eyes, then I wouldn't blink at all, for I don't want to let a second pass having fallen out of love with you. XOXOXO LOL Tee-hee.