300 dollars for a ticket? Git oot, you hoser!

For decades the Miami Dolphins have had a running blood feud with AFC East rivals Buffalo Bills. But now, it seems we have a common enemy. No, not the Patriots. Not even the Jets.

It's those damn dirty Canadians!

You heard right. Canadians. Canada is right on top of us on the map. Guess that makes them our asshats. With their menacing maple leaf flag, their gay horse riding cops and this thing they call "Hockey," they're poised to take over our very precious way of life. Namely, watching football while eating a big ass cheeseburger with onion rings and barbecue sauce. Oh sure, they may seem polite, even cordial. But don't be fooled. They're all kinds of backwards up there. From speaking French to playing football on 110 yard fields and yet only featuring 3 downs instead of 4. And if that wasn't enough, did you know they're responsible for unleashing Celine Dion upon the world? Merciless cold hearted bastards! Now they want to take our beloved American football away by charging a Moose's ass for a ticket.

Sideline seats from the end zones to the 20-yard lines will cost $295 a game. Anyone who wants to sit in the lower bowl of the Rogers Centre between the 20-yard lines will pay more than $300.

The Dolphins will play the Bills in Canada on December 7th. So if you were planning to fly up there to watch the team, don't. Unless you're a complete sucker. Or you just hate America. Besides, it would appear that only those Canadians who live in three-story igloos will be able to attend this game. Forget that wall the government wants to build to keep the Mexicans out. We need a wall around Canada. As for Buffalo, they seemingly sold their soul to the evil Canadians for $78 million to make this game happen. Since we can't build a wall around them, let's just keep doing what we've always done: pretty much not take them very seriously. What's their big contribution to society? Deep fried chicken wings? Like we couldn't figure that one out for ourselves. 

Comments

[rojowill]

Celine Dion... sheesh...

When are the Canadians gonna give us something proper we can masturbate to!

Assholes.

[Glenn from BC]

As a Canadian living in Canada, I find this post highly offensive.

And extremely hilarious!!!

:)

As for the game... at least the NFL isn't taking a home game away from us like they did last year in London.

[Glenn from BC]

"our very precious way of life. Namely, watching football while eating a big ass cheeseburger with onion rings and barbecue sauce"

hahaha!!....fat asses! :)

[Coral Gables Dave]

Ah... Canada and the US...Up north, you got yer Asshats and right below, Jesus Land!

[Dat RoRo Kid]

I hear the chicks in Montreal are unbelievable.

[Ang]

As a Dolfan in Toronto, I am EXTREMELY excited the Fins are coming here. Can I afford a ticket? No. Can I get access to a ticket? No. 180,000 (incl.me) signed up for the lottery, and you have to buy 3 games. Competitively, the Bills have lost a HUGE advantage. The Dolphins get to play in a Dome in December, and not at 'The Ralph'. As well, the Bills have NOOOO idea how many Dolfans live in Toronto! After the Dolphins win this game and knock the Bills out of a wildcard spot, they are going to be PISSED!
And...ummmm....Celine is Quebecois NOT Canadian! Avril Lavigne unfortunately is Canadian.

[Mooch]

Ang, isn't Quebec a part of Canada? It's not it's own country.

Maybe Quebec is Canada's Puerto Rico.

[Ang]

Quebec is more like Texas. They don't want to be part of our country, and they speak a different language.

[Mooch]

LOL... I hear ya. Everyone fucking hates Texas down here! :)

[sportssaga]

I'm from Québec and love masturbating on Elisha Cuthbert !
And DRK, to be more precise I'm from Chicoutimi, Québec where the girl/boy ratio is 4:1.

Oh Canada !

[NYdolfan84]

I'm also in the lottery for tickets...this was before i realized how much they would cost. People should boycott the game at those prices. For those prices I can fly to Miami in the winter (when its cold as balls up here) and enjoy a Dolphins'game in friendlier confides. I hear its a shitty venue to watch football anyways. I've only been there for a Blue Jays game, about 15 years ago. The only thing i remember was that the hotdogs tasted like shit.