How To Be a Pro Bowler in 10 Easy Steps, by Steve Fifita

Sup. Steve Fifita here to tell you how you can become an NFL Pro Bowler. I've never been there myself, but take it from me. I know. And knowing is half the battle 'n shit. First, eat a lot of honey glazed hams. Not so much because they help you become a better football player in as much as they're just delicious. Then, run 5.15 seconds in the 40 yard dash. That's most likely due to the ham so don't worry about it. Nothing a good long shit can't take care of. Then, sign with the Miami Dolphins as an undrafted free agent. Then, get waived. Eat more ham. Try out with another NFL team like the Vikings or some shit. It doesn't matter because the Dolphins will re-sign you anyway. Re-sign with the Dolphins. Play up to your most mediocre standards as possible. Hey, you're a Miami Dolphin, so it's cool. Get waived again the following off-season. Then, sign with the Patriots six days later. Bingo. You're on your way to the Pro Bowl, bitches! And that's how you get to be a Pro Bowler in ten easy steps. Don't forget the part about the honey glazed ham. That's key. That and playing for the Dolphins and then going straight to the Patriots afterwards. But it's mostly about the ham, in my opinion.

Comments

[vman]

Fuck him. He undersized. The Pats can have him. I think the days of the Phins giving up good talent are over. Bellicheat can pick over Parcells scraps all he wants.
Oh yeah, Fuck him too.(Bellicheat that is)

Sorry, I know us bloggers are supposed to be all kinder and gentler these days cause of that asshat on Costas.

Second thought....Fuck him too.

[Dat RoRo Kid]

Steve Fifita gobbled up about 4 Xanax bars prior to that team photo.

[JerryD]

Good plan Dude ... tried & true.

No doubt Fifita can play, good teams need experienced players.

Tuna Plan ... young players who will be around when we gel in a few years with good players. Tweeners like Fifita just take reps from our young 'uns & potentially make us draft lower.

Not to dwell on the past, but more & more we see how CaMuel's draft & roster-build was like a teenagers fantasy team ... PURE Fantasy!!!

Every team that's good has had a couple great drafts in their past ... that's what we have to hope for 2008-2010. Hogs & QBs are slow developers ... that's also part of the Tuna Plan, get 'em first.

Go Picks!! Cheers, JerryD

[Coral Gables Dave]

I think Fifita was let go less for taking young players' reps and more for, you know, sucking.

[Coral Gables Dave]

Of course now that he's a Patriot, it's Hall of Fame!

But still.

[Marc]

I don't know, he strikes me more as a turkey guy.

[rojowill]

Let's see how many walnuts I can hold in my mouth!

[Bape]

That's the funniest shit I read all day! Good job Steve! I love it! Thanks for the tips!!

[Bape]

Oh yeah, one more thought. I completely disagree with you Marc, he looks more like a steak and mashed potato guy. Can't you tell by those cheeks? Turkey would provide a more lean look... not like the one he has in this picture. Get your meat right buddy.