South Florida Is the New Utah

Unless you want to read a riveting story on why Josh McCown thinks he'll suck less in Miami than he did in Arizona, Detroit or Oakland, there's not much going on in the news for the Fins. So, with time and space to kill, we present to you a special news brief along with some commentary that is sure to piss some people off and earn us a lot of angry e-mails. But what the hell. Here goes: Your Miami Dolphins are now the all-time league leaders in Mormons! We currently have six Latter Day Saints on our roster. Here's your Miami Dolphin LDS breakdown (feel free to consult this list when you have your All Religion Fantasy Football league draft):

QB John Beck: The original baby! He is The Mormon. And he shall lead this glorious band of fantastical six Latter Day Saints!

Long Snapper John Denney: When you're the team's long snapper, you're going to spend a shitload of time on the bench. Why not spend that time reading? Why not the Book of Mormon? Nothing makes time go by between punts like a book featuring Native Americans and Jesus!

OL Shaun Murphy: At 6-3, 330 pounds and with a buzzcut fit for a psych ward patient, Murphy is just the latest in the legion of badasses throughout Mormon history. Badasses like Donnie Osmond, for example.

LB Kelly Poppinga: Will be a special teams stalwart thanks to strong legs powered by 12 hour bike rides through your neighborhood.

Center Samson Satele: As a Samoan, he's part of the smallest racial group in the United States. But the Church of the LDS wants Mormons to have like 12 kids, so it'll all even out.

 WR Davone Bess: As long as Bess remains a Miami Dolphin, when the LDS Church leaders take their annual membership census, they'll know where they can find the black guy.

So there you go! Miami Dolphins, Mormon strong! Mitt Romney and special underwear wearers everywhere approve! And, hey... could be worse.

Comments

[rojowill]

That fornicatin' Tom Brady is in a boat load o' trouble now!

[Dat RoRo Kid]

Is it Ladder or Latter??

Seriously? I'm on a personal mission to get Salguero fired. He's such a bratty little bitch:

'And don't say it's because you're smarter than me.

Because you're not'.

Nyaaahhh!!!! Waaaaahhh, mami...WAAAAAH!!!!

Instead of doing a GOOD story (maybe elaborating on the new strength and conditioning philosophy? something he clearly knows nothing about) or actually contemplating the Dolphins conceptually (ala Omar Kelly), he serves us up this fuckin' journeyman QB schlop. Fuck him.

THE DUDE FOREVER!

[Coral Gables Dave]

DRK, Salguero's commenters have finally gotten to him... and it's frickin hilarious!

[Dat RoRo Kid]

CGD,

I know!!! It's, like, isn't it overwhelmingly obvious that 80% of your readers despise your attitude??? I mean, you get some good info but your holier-than-thou bullshit is really hard to digest when you're reading about your favorite team. Doesn't help when you're DEAD WRONG a lot of the time yet unequivocally state these 'facts'.

The minute you let the haters get at you, that's the minute you lose legitimacy. He's cracking yet he still doesn't see how much he sounds like a fuckin' asshole.

Sorry. I promise this is my last anti-Salguero rant for the day.

[The Dude]

It is Latter. I corrected it.

What, you think you're smarter than me DRK??? Is that it?

Is it?

IS IT!?

[Dat RoRo Kid]

Cuz I'm not!!!

haha

[Gersom]

I think Salguero cracked a long time ago. At this point, he's lucky that his higher ups are only looking at the hits on his blog rather than the contents. His ass would be soooooo fired.

[Reality Check]

Think that JT keeps Miami from being Utah south all by himself....

[Brandon in SLC, Utah]

Fuck! I can't get away from them! My community. My sports team. What's next? Plural families being raiding in west Texas?
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

[The Dude]

Got me laughing my ass off over here Brandon! :)

[Juliminator]

You guys are idiots. You're against Mormon's and LDS athletes basically because of their religion? What do you even know about Mormon's? Have you ever read their scriptures? have you walked in their shoes? No, you haven't. The LDS church encourages good and healthy behavior, there is nothing wrong with that. You just dis that because you idiots don't use good or healthy behaviors, you're the type of people that get drunk and bang bimbos and wake up with headaches wondering what happened and thinking you're cool even tho you're wasting half your life, and then you dis those that don't live your life style...
you should try their way of life sometime, read their book, walk in their shoes, and then step back and see if there is all that much to dis on... you are all idiots.