Dolphins' Top 10 Off-Season Additions

The always excellent Omar Kelly over at The Sun Sentinel lists his top 10 off-season additions by Bill Parcells & His Merry Cockpunchers.

Some names that caught my eye from his list:

Akin Ayodele, whom Omar calls "the most knowledgeable defender when it comes to understanding the defense the new coaching staff will be implementing." Unless Channing Crowder crashes his car into a tree again and flees to Costa Rica, the job should still be his. But Ayodele will give him a run for his money.

Omar also lists safety Chris Crocker saying Crocker is a player "who has exhibited a nose for making plays (seven interceptions and 27 pass deflections) in his five previous seasons." As some of you may know, Crocker shares his name with this guy. But the joke got old and tired after five minutes, so you won't see me making any "LEAVE JT ALONE!!!" jokes. I will, however, note that his last name is Crocker. As in Betty Crocker. But this Crocker doesn't do cookies. This Crocker serves up a batch of freshly baked whoop ass! Boo-yah!! Baking jokes never get old, bitch! Anyway, Crocker will compete with Jason Allen, Renaldo Hill, Keith Davis, Courtney Bryant and my man Yeremiah for one of the two starting S slots.

Omar's list is plenty good. But mine differs. So, here now is my top 10 off-season additions list:

1. OT Jake Long: The Mighty Long is, at this moment, the pillar of this entire organization.
2. WR Ernest Wilford: Because in case you forgot, Derek Hagan was the only other option after Ted Ginn. Also, Wilford's a big dude who's going to move the chains. Our ability to convert 3rd downs is suddenly way better than it has been in a long while. I cannot stress enough how important this signing was. And how can you argue with instant analysis like "way better"? Answer: You can't.
3. OG Justin Smiley: He's young, he's a bruiser, he's nasty and he's a massive upgrade -- literally and figuratively.
4. DT Randy Starks: While Jason Ferguson will clog the middle in the immediate future, Starks is the heir apparent. He's 24 and he fits right in with Parcells' system. Unlike my Black Power tattoo, which seems oddly out of place on my body (because I'm paler than a dead man, and because I'm not African American).
5. DE Phillip Merling: Thanks to a sports hernia injury he suffered in college, he now has the testicle sack of a wild stallion. But if this guy can meet his true potential, he's the next Richard Seymour. And he will be declared the steal of the 2008 draft. Versatile, powerful, and can use his balls as a grappling hook to scale tall buildings? That, my friends, is a draft day steal in any book.
6. DT Jason Ferguson: He's apparently contractually obligated to go wherever Parcells goes. But that's cool with me. Our run defense was the absolute worst last year. That stops with Big Jake on board.
7. S Keith Davis: The man's been shot at more times than Tony Montana at the end of Scarface and yet he continues to live (without the aid of cocaine fueled adrenaline, I might add!). He also brings track-star speed and a hard-hitting mentality that was sorely lacking in our special teams last year. Special teams is a huge key to success and Teflon Keith is its anchor. Add batshit crazy Boomer Grisby into the mix and suddenly we're all praying for guys to fail to signal for a fair-catch, just so we can see an actual human decapitation on live television!
8. TE Anthony Fasano: We haven't had a decent tight end around here since fucking Keith Jackson. We gave up a second fourth-rounder for this dude. He can block and he can catch! That's right. I said CATCH!
9. DE Kendall Langford: He might be a reach but I really like what Parcells and Ireland envision with Langford. They're building a D that runs the 3-4 and Langford excels at DE, DT and OLB.
10. QB Chad Henne: I'm still very skeptical about Henne. I'm a John Beck guy. But Henne's presence will at least bring the best out of the QB competition. Someone will emerge as the franchise QB from this. Until next year when we draft Matt Stafford from Georgia, of course.

So there it is. My top 10 off-season additions list.

Christopher Walken's villainous character from A View To A Kill approves! Observe:

See? (our jokes are always relevant and topical here at FN!)

Anyway, your thoughts, as always, are welcomed...

Comments

[Coral Gables Dave]

To see Long and Smiley on that list is something. If Shawn Murphy (the New Mormon) pans out, damn what an offensive line!

[Dat RoRo Kid]

"Add batshit crazy Boomer Grisby into the mix and suddenly we're all praying for guys to fail to signal for a fair-catch, just so we can see an actual human decapitation on live television!"

Fuckin' hilarious, Dude. My friends and I have some serious respect for punt returners. That's some kamikaze shit.

[rojowill]

I love View to a Kill! Roger Moore was the best Bond!

PS- good top 10 list.

[Dat RoRo Kid]

Rojo,

You're slacking, man. You need to be the first commenter every time!!

just teasin', bro.

[rojowill]

I know. I suck lately.

[Bob]

I think the Davis and Grisby signings are huge. Like you said, special teams is key to winning and ours was horrendous last season. Remember all those holding calls that negated Ted Ginn's TD returns? And the failure to break open lanes for him, forcing him to try to juke his way around tacklers? Not to mention how bad our coverage on punts and ko's were.

Parcells really went all out in filling in holes in a key spot. And with Ginn, Devone Bess and Jayson Foster all as contenders to be the return guy, we suddenly have killer speed to ram down team's throats when they kick off to us.

[JerryD]

How the Pats cheated, with strategy & results.
http://miamiherald.typepad.com/dolphins_in_depth/2008/05/hbo-shines-ligh.html

[Doug]

I'd personally place Henne up higher. I think he's going to be better than Beck and I think that since the QB position has been neglected for so damn long, we finally have our guy. IMHO.

[Coral Gables Dave]

Mef... Spygate doesn't do it for me anymore. I'm glad the Dude hasn't mentioned it this week. The Pats cheated? Shocking. We all knew they were douchebags anyway so now the rest of the league knows it. And even worse, the commissioner has already done what he was going to do. That was the extent of the punishment. The best part about it is that this team will always have their dynasty tainted.
otherwise... who cares.

[rojowill]

We gotta start doing the /treadjack thing Deadspin does.

[finfan1]

I think Murphy is going to surprise a lot of people. It's a common theme here in the comments but I need to say it too..I'm damn excited about our offensive line's potential! If all these guys can do what the Cowboys O-line did for Aikman in the 90's, then Henne will be a Hall of Famer too (ie: Aikman wasn't all that great. His line made him great)

GO FINS!!!

[Dat RoRo Kid]

Pretty soon The Dude is gonna have to hire some P.I. to snap shots of Bibianna. You must be running out at this point...

[The Dude]

Yea DRK. The well has run dry on new Bibiana pics.

I'll see what I can do.....

[predicti-tater]

You say, "...TE Anthony Fasano: We haven't had a decent tight end around here since fucking Keith Jackson. We gave up a second-rounder for this dude..."

Didn' we just give up a fourth rounder for him AND Akin Ayodele? Now, THAT was a good trade IMO.

[The Dude]

You're right. We did give up a 4th. Parcells spent a 2nd for him when he was in Dallas. My bad.

And I agree... it's a good trade, which is why he's numero ocho on my list.