Entries from July 2008
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Unlock the code....ALREADYANDDAMN (!!)NONEHUGE IFOFF THE STREETNEEDOLD(lackadaisical hand claps from the FinsNation Café)Omar is trying to tell us something again. I believe he’s telling us to watch this trailer and try to make sense of that whimsical tale.Can you dig it, maaaaaan?? REALLY???/strokes Leninist beard with half-amused, half-skeptical aplomb*Psst. I get it, Omar. I understand you. I’m not like the others that pretend to.*-DRK(Mad props to cool-cat Darnell for the photoshop job.)...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
From the Palm Beach Post: The Dolphins could considering bringing in Quincy Carter, who played for Parcells in Dallas, but hasn’t played in the NFL since 2004 before he was released amid drug allegations. Hall of Fame wide receiver Michael Irvin reported today on his radio show in the Dallas-Fort Worth area that Carter will be in Davie on Friday for a workout at the Dolphins’ training facility.Holy crap, did I really just read that or am I on mushrooms? So I guess all three of our quarterbacks are so beyond shitty that we feel the need to bring just anybody to compete for a roster spot? Michael Irving apparently broke this news. Michael Irving also did a ton of coke throughout his lifetime, so I'm going to defer...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
The the USAToday sports blog runs a daily Who's In Your Five? feature and today they post the 5 most intriguing coaches for the upcoming NFL season. And our man Iron Calves makes the list at number 2!Tony Sparano, Miami: This guy made even have it harder than McCarthy. He is coaching a team that everyone thinks Bill Parcells is running. Perhaps these two will have a perfect marriage but it will be interesting to see what happens if they disagree on anything. All of this would be fine except that Sparano is taking over the worst team in the NFL last season. The good news is that the Dolphins have only one direction left to go. The rest is bad news.But I gotta disagree with the The USAToday...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
The Star Telegram is reporting that former Dallas Cowboys receiver Terry Glenn could be headed to your Miami Dolphins any day now. Glenn was injured for nearly all of 2007 and only activated for the final game of the year in which he caught as many passes and as many yards as Yatil Green did during all of 1998 and 1999. Last Friday, Glenn was waived by the Cowboys after refusing to sign an injury waiver due to concerns over the health of his surgically repaired right knee. Glenn was the balls as a receiver for the Pats from 1996 through 2000, as well as the Cowboys during the '05 and '06 seasons. It'll be interesting to see what ole' Soup-Knees has left in the tank. I'm assuming...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
We spent a second-round pick on him (57th overall), he comes from a big time college program, and he seems to fit the mold of a Bill Parcells type of quarterback (big arm, big body). Not much is being said about The Robot and the possibility that he could potentially be the franchise QB this team has been waiting for since 1999. But, so far, the coaching staff and even some players seem intrigued with Chad Henne's potential.Players and coaches love Henne's potential [See? I wouldn't bullshit you.] -- ''We've seen the big arm and a pretty calm demeanor,'' coach Tony Sparano said -- but the sentiment is he needs time to develop. Henne said the Dolphins have helped him ''get the ball out faster'' than at Michigan. ''It's...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
Comcast released their list of the 20 Teams Nobody Cares About. Among the dishonorable mentions are life-long losing franchises like the Milwaukee Bucks, Washington Nationals, and Detroit Lions. And topping the list at number one? Your Miami Dolphins.Once a storied franchise, a one-win season has seen the Dolphins value quickly drop to 15th in the NFL. If a talented No. 1 draft pick and veteran coach turned executive VP can't get things going in Miami, you can expect the Dolphins stock to hit rock bottom.Did Alan Greenspan write that? Values and stocks? What the fuck is this scrotum slapper babbling about? Look, I'll be the first to admit that we suck the ass out of a dead rhinoceros right now. But, unlike the other teams on this list, our...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
Now that we've gotten the existentialism portion of the blog out of the way, we focus on an actual Dolphins article. And ESPN has written one! About the Dolphins! Uber-Caucasian Tim Graham wrote a piece about the Dolphins for ESPN's Camp Confidential coverage. Among other things in the piece, we have new Fins receiver Ernest Wilford expressing his confidence in his team. And by "expressing his confidence" I mean, "holy monkey tits this guy must be on crack." "Everyone's coming out here with one common goal, and that's to win," new receiver Ernest Wilford said. "We want to win our division this year. We're not going to wait." "Why not us?" Wilford's question was rhetorical. An answer came anyway: The New England Patriots for one."Why not us?" Wilford said...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
From the Palm Beach Post:Derek Hagan is having a GREAT practice. He makes a beautiful catch, out-jumping Will Allen on a 25-yard route, and is hauling in everything. Several members of the media have remarked that Hagan is having a great day. This is a big year for Hagan, now in his third season. The knock on him is that he has hands of stone, but he’s hauling in everything today.Looks like Derek’s an early front runner for the coveted J.R. Tolver Memorial Award for Wide Receivers That Will Get You All Excited About Them During Camp Only To Do Absolutely Nothing In The Actual Regular Season. Well done, Derek!Currently, Hagan is narrowly edging out OTA’s winner, David Kircus. Hang in there, Kirkus. There are more diving catches for...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
"We must not have much talent to have the GM and the coach on the billboard." - Channing Crowder, on the team's marketing campaign focusing on Jeff Ireland and Tony Sparano.-The DUDE...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
Unlock the codeALL QUARTERBACKSPROUDLYALLFORCEDIT WAS JUST ONE PRACTICE (!!!!!)SUPPOSENO QUARTERBACKNONEOmar - in his very psychedelic, be-bop, Allen Ginsberg, Gaslight sort of way – is telling us that existence is simply a ruse perpetrated by an evil overlord known only as The Puppet Master. The Puppet Master controls all our actions and he mocks our ridiculous notion of "free will." All life is a slow march to the grave. Simply put, we are engaging in one drab day after another until our inevitable shuffling off this mortal coil. Yes, brother…….YEEESSSSSSS. /snaps fingers, nods approvingly while stroking Leninist goatee-DRK...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
The magical leprechaun that is Adam Schefter of the NFL Network is reporting that rookie QB Chad Henne and the Dolphins have agreed on a four year deal worth $3.5 million, with $1.5 million guaranteed. This means that all the Dolphins draft-picks are now signed and ready to go. FinsNation has obtained an exclusive pic of Henne with his agent and a few Dolphins personnel people minutes after signing the contract. The pic captures Henne's thoughts on finally being a Dolphin. Here it is. Henne is obviously out of uniform. But Henne, who missed this morning/afternoon practice session, should be in full uniform and at practice tonight. So fear not.Meanwhile, in other training camp news: Joey Porter sat out with an ankle injury, and Josh McCown seems to be...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
We're finally here! Training camp! Holy shit! It's almost football season again! My editors at Miami New Times have asked me to write up a preview of the Fins first pre-season game! And that got me very excited because I was like, yes! Pre-season is almost here! I can't stop punctuating every sentence with exclamation points! Top o' the morning to you! Tits! I won! Sale! Motherfucker! Cool! Ahhh!Anyway, from the Herald, a training camp primer (with Duderific commentary in parenthesis):...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
The Palm Beach Post is reporting that the Dolphins and Longshanks have finally agreed to a contract. The Dolphins signed defensive end Phillip Merling out of Clemson to a four-year contract Friday, a source said. Projected as a top-20 draft pick by many analysts, Merling's stock dropped when he suffered a sports hernia injury that required surgery and kept him from participating in the scouting combine. Last season, he had 78 tackles, including 17 for loss. He had seven sacks and 21 quarterbacks pressures for the Tigers.This means that the only remaining rookie yet to sign is the Robot. Nice way to start training camp, I'd say.-The DUDE...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
The ever beguiling essence of swampass is upon us...Training camp.-- Our boy Omar Kelly drops some CAPS LOCKed knowledge on our asses with his Things I Think Before Training Camp. Omar thinks we should go after recently cut ex-Charger receiver Eric Parker. He also thinks the Giants might cut Sinorice Moss. He also thinks David Kirkus has a good shot at making the team. If this year's Fins receiving corps isn't one of the worst of all time, it certainly won't be for lack of trying.-- The Herald's Jeff Darlington shares his Five Things To Watch at camp. It's actually right on point for the most part. But the good article is completely shitstained with a video on the right hand portion of the page featuring Darlington and our...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
We all knew it was happening. And now it's official. King Douche has let it be known to the world that he is a happy man because he no longer has to face Jason Taylor twice a year.“[Matt] Light and I popped a cold beer when I saw that transaction,” Brady told reporters after Thursday morning’s practice. “We were the two most excited players in the NFL. … We were hugging each other. It was awesome.”That player we select with the second-rounder we got from Washington better be a game-breaking, touchdown scoring, world smashing, help-old-ladies-across-the-street, saving puppies from burning buildings, woman satisfying, proprietor of football awesomeness. Also, he better be able to shoot flames from his cock. Because the day we get Tom Brady all horny for Matt Light...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
I watched Bill The Cockpuncher Parcells’ appearance on HBO’s Real Sports Tuesday night – all of two times – to bring you this special FinsNation report. Seeing as many of you probably don’t want to shell out the extra $10 or so for HBO per month so you can use it on two more 6-packs of Natural Ice or 10 delicious medium unbreaded wings from Flannigan’s, I thought I owed it to you all to parse on his interview with Andrea Kremer.Based on a prior interview with 60 Minutes and an excellent piece on him from The New York Times several years ago, I was actually looking forward to this interview as I’ve been a fan of Parcells for some time now, years before his (inevitably brief) tenure with...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
Yup....
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
The post JT era is underway. It's like the marketing gurus are telling us on every website, billboard, radio commercial, television spot, newspaper, bus stop and taxi cab rooftop: it's a new beginning! The genesis of a new era, the commencement of a new phase in Dolphins history....."They're not going to be as good," one former NFL executive said. "I think the arrow was pointing down (on Taylor's level of performance), but he's still better than anyone they have. ...Add it up and Taylor's trade Sunday to Washington for two draft picks makes the Dolphins - the NFL's worst team last season - worse.Ah, shitballs. So who will salvage our season now that JT is out frolicking in DC?First off, there's 26-year old Charlie Anderson. With Houston for the...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
Unlike The Dude, I’m not much of a sentimental teddy bear when it comes to virtually any player wearing a Dolphins uniform as I’m really all about those colors and that logo [Editor’s Note: I’ll never be like you, DRK!!! NEVER!!!! /storms out the house sobbing, clutching framed picture of JT to breast]. In today’s NFL it is very much ‘easy come, easy go’ but it’s never easy to lose a guy like Jason Taylor. The guy was a badass on and off the field. It’s admittedly tough (during games, I used to mimic that little draw-a-circle-with-your-fingers-then-punch-through-it thing after a sack or big loss), but in a shocking twist, I actually agree with Armando Salguero’s view (read: kill me now) on the duality of the whole thing. True, we’re...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
As has been well documented here, this is not something I wanted to see happen. But I knew that if an opportunity presented itself, Bill Parcells would indeed trade away our best player to acquire more draft picks. And yesterday, that opportunity came. After the Redskins lost DE Phillip Daniels for the season on a 7-on-7 drill, it was inevitable that they'd come calling about Jason Taylor. Washington offered two draft picks for him. Parcells accepted. And that, as they say, is that. Parcells got what he wanted. Two draft picks, including a second-round pick for next year's draft. Time will tell if those picks will turn into game-changing players and make our team that much better. Until then, all that's left for us is JT's legacy. Jason Taylor...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
The Jason Taylor era in Miami is over. Fox Sports is reporting that the Dolphins have traded JT to the Washington Redskins for a second round pick in 2009 and a sixth-round pick in 2010.Update: The Dolphins have confirmed the news....
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
Just one more week before the swamp assing and cockpunching commences over in Davie (and if you just stumbled upon this site via Googling "swamp ass and cock in Davie" well, you've got the wrong site. Try redneckcirclejerks.com. Thanks for stopping by). Omar Kelly gives us a long ass list of guys he thinks are on the bubble entering next week's training camp.Meanwhile, ESPN graces us with an Insider Preview and asks the burning questions for all 32 teams entering camp next week. For Miami, naturally, it centers around the QB position. Of the three options, veteran QB Josh McCown gives the Dolphins the best chance to win now. He has starting experience in Arizona and Oakland, but is also mistake-prone and hardly the future of the organization. Playing...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
Hi!!!I’m Roger a.k.a. Dat Roro Kid. Apologies for the length in advance, sit back and enjoy your breakfast this fine morning but I wouldn’t get used to it if I were you. The Dude has graciously asked me to be a contributor here on FinsNation once we move over to the new MVN site. The minute he asked me I absolutely jumped at this opportunity as I’ve been reading the site since the old Miami Sports Dude days and figured this to be one of the more entertaining and informative sports blogs out there. It also can’t hurt that it strictly adheres to covering the Miami Dolphins, a team/concept/extrapolation of my very soul that occupies nearly 68% of my thinking brain on a daily basis (other 32%?? Maaaan, you’re...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
Looks like the quarterback competition prayer-off between Josh McCown and John Beck has taken an interesting turn. A Texas TV station is reporting that McCown has injured his throwing hand in a wood cutting incident. Actually, he almost lost a finger. Thaaaaat's right.McCown needed six stitches to the index finger on his right hand a couple of weeks ago when he was injured while he and his brother, Luke, were cutting firewood. Josh McCown told Tyler television station KETK that he was holding the firewood and his brother, a backup quarterback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, made the mistake of cutting his finger instead of the firewood.I've been saying all along that the QB job was going to come down to who prayed the hardest between these two. Looks...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
Site NewsLast week I briefly mentioned some changes would be happening here at FN. While we're still working on it, I decided to let you in on said changes.Namely, FinsNation is expanding and joining up with Most Valuable Network LLC (MVN). MVN.com is making some big changes to its NFL coverage. They've starting a new partnership program in which they'll be hooking up with some of the top football bloggers on the Interwebs. They've asked FinsNation to be one of those sites. FinsNation agreed.What this means for you is pretty much nothing, other than a revamped site design and a few more advertisements on the page. It'll also probably bring in a rush of new readers and commenters -- it's up to you guys to keep said new commenters...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
I had planned to make my site announcement here today. But I'll save it for Monday instead. Sorry.Meanwhile, I leave you with Megan Fox. We were fist introduced when I saw her in Transformers last year. Which means I'm pretty sure she gave my son his first boner. Anyway, have a great weekend, Nation. See you Monday....
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
This guy!A solid piece on the man here by Tim Reynolds of the AP.Parcells' focus is fully on the task in Miami. The 2008 season hasn't started, yet Parcells often finds himself planning things already for 2009 and beyond, sorting things into three categories: "musts,'' "needs'' and "wants.'' His attitude, among both players and coaches - most players, anyway - is infectious."They brought coach Parcells in to win,'' Dolphins quarterback John Beck says. "That's why I play football. I play football to win so when they brought somebody into win, I felt it was a great opportunity because that is what they are doing with this place. They want to turn this place around, get this place back to the way it was.''"It's a whole different attitude,'' Dolphins linebacker...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
Last season, with our votes, we helped Ted Ginn win the Pepsi Rookie of the Week. And while that in and of itself is not much of a feat, it at least masked some of the pain we were still feeling over his being drafted 9th overall by our beloved fucked-up franchise. Point is, you -- we -- came through and our votes bolted him over some other rookies I don't remember.Well it's time to make it happen again, Nation. Sirius Satellite Radio is putting together "The Greatest NFL Team of All Time" and this week are asking folks to vote for the greatest quarterback of all time. Polls close on Monday, but that doesn't mean you have permission to wait til then, you procrastinating shitball. Go do it....
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
Once again, Armando Salguero proves he is, without a doubt, a dickbag. If it wasn't for Greg Cote, Salguero would be the Undisputed Shit Tossing Champion of the World among Miami Dolphins beat writers. Alas, Cote grabbed the number one seed back from him after yesterday's massive pile of horse shit. Today our man Arrrrrmando not only writes about the Dolphins' marketing foul up (really, dude, I don't give a shit if the Fins can't sell tickets. Build a fucking winner and that place will be a sell out every damn week. There. Marketing done.) but he also creates a meaningless firestorm over a political blurb he makes trying to be clever in showing how the Fins marketing dept. is all messed up. Now he has 50+ comments (and counting),...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
I'm ambiguously gay! I like poop.Greg Cote, as only Greg Cote can do, posted a column today on how Brett Favre to the Dolphins would make sense.Dear Brett: You may have heard. Our weather is somewhat kinder to old bones than Green Bay's. We average about one inch of light snow every 35 or 40 years down here. And don't worry about that pay cut you'd probably have to take. We lead the nation in retiree-pleasing Early Bird specials. I know that some of you out there are saying of Favre becoming a Dolphin, ''It could never happen.'' But it could, and I'll tell you why.Then, on his blog, Armando Salguero went after Cote's piece and shot down the seemingly ridiculousness of it.I opened my paper this morning and...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
Stare into the face of sexy, my friends. Stare INTO IT.Omar Kelly is on a roll. This time he gives us his roster breakdown of the Dolphins defense. One of the main things that stick out for me: How the new regime is looking at rookies Phillip "Longshanks" Merling and Kendall "BadMotherfucker" Langford to blossom quickly as defensive end stalwarts (lest we be held at the mercy of Matt "White Molasses" Roth). The Dolphins need [Merling and Langford] to become not only talented fill-ins in 2008, but productive role players, if not starters in 2009.Amen to that, Deuces. Merling will be the x-factor to watch during training camps and pre-season. He was hyped up quite a bit before he turned his penis and balls into a grappling hook (ie:...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
Time to put some folks on notice .....You're on notice, Omar Kelly. Your breakdown on the Dolphins and how things will shape up is just a little too good. We prefer our Dolphins reporters to be snide, condescending douchebags who make shit up just because they can. They're dicks. And we like them that way. So, buck up, Deuces. Mediocrity is just a Jason-Taylor-to-the-Arizona-Cardinals-rumor away! We're all counting on you.You're on notice, Phil Simms. First you try to seduce me with your beady little eyes, your ebullient Kentuckian accent, and your smooth talking homoerotic in-game analysis. Now you're telling me the Dolphins will finish the season 9-7? God I love you, you glorious albino bastard! You're on notice, Paul Pasqualoni. Because the defense is in your capable hands....
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
It's the 4th of July. Our Independence Day. America's Birthday. The day our founding fathers told the British Empire to eat a dick. It's also a day to drink beer, eat some barbecue, and set off fireworks. A shitload of fireworks. I'll be celebrating with a grill, some brews and a few friends myself. So have fun, don't drink and drive and try not to blow a off a finger. Happy 4th of July, Nation! Have a great weekend. See you Monday....
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
I know what you're thinking."Where you at, Dude? This shit ain't gonna write itself, cockface!"Well, maybe just my mother is thinking that. Still. Sorry for the lack of posting. Still working on the new-look FinsNation and all. Also, The Dudette decided to buy herself some furniture and picked out the heaviest fucking pieces she could find in the store. And then had me carry it. Just me. Never mind that she has a brother and like 15 million cousins who could lend a hand. Nah, I'll do just fine. Anyway, as per usual nothing much happening with the Fins. Here's a piece on Jeff Ireland being a bad-ass about the whole rookie-salary cap thing. And Joey Porter promises not to suck anymore. What else can one do but take...
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
The following is an actual e-mail exchange between me (The Dude) and FinsNation star commenter Dat Ro Ro Kid (DRK) yesterday afternoon:-DRK: I read this and it makes me very, very angry.DUDE: Yea, I saw that. It's so awesome being a Dolphins fan.DRK: I think you could seriously put the monkeys from 'Project X' to run the front office with buttons on a giant console representing certain drafts picks and free agents and we'd be way better off than we are right now.DUDE: The Josh McCown era starts soon!DRK: (throws up in pants)-...And scene.I'll just end this by once gain reiterating that we all hope Cam Cameron and Randy Mueller both have themselves a rectal accident. Like falling ass-first onto a hammer or a cactus, respectively....
Tags: Dolphins, Miami Dolphins, NFL
