As reported a earlier today by UniWatch, the Dolphins new uniform was leaked and here's your first second third 50th look at them. That is aaaaalooottt of light aqua/teal/Easter/'Bayside Blue'/whatever.
There's A LOT of white and the aqua has a considerable amount of more of a blueish hue to them, if you will. Are they the faggiest uniform in NFL history?? No, I guess the creamsicle Bucs one is worse BUT IT'S NOT FAR OFF. I get this odd Detroit Lions vibe about them for some reason. Below is another look from the front.
Ultimately, the unis - as we feared - don't make them look any meaner, nastier or like a professional sports team than the old unis did. In fact, it looks like some rejected World Football League design but what do you expect from the geniuses currently running our front office?
Reports are the Dolphins have made a shrewd move (unless we threw $6 mil at him) by signing former Jets TE Dustin Keller to a one-year deal. Keller will get a chance to prove he's healthy and can play a full season in the hopes of getting some more cash next year and beyond. This is a great move for all sides as Keller's camp was floundering a bit with the whole 'give-us-a-shit-ton-of-money' thing and the Dolphins DESPERATELY needed a tight end (particularly a seam threat) with the departure of Anthony Fasano and the overall sucktitude of Egnew.
I love the Keller signing and pitched for it just last week because Keller is a guy that can get open down the middle and was historically a great target for Sanchez (a very, very shitty QB) in both the red zone and in crucial 3rd down situations. If he stays healthy, this guy could be an impact player for us.
Brian Hartline went on LeBatard's show to address the ongoing twitter beef between several FinsNationers and Hartline about his apparent dislike for cats. It wasn't about how he felt about his contract or anything. Nooooo...it was the caaaaaattttssssssssssssssssssssss.
Don't think I've ever felt so 'meh' about the team upon entering the free agency period as I do this year.
But here we go...
(We'll try to stay updated as things happen)
UPDATE #1: By all appearances, JEFFY IRELAND GOT HIM! Now 3 things: 1) Don't stop here. Need another WR in those 5 first picks we got to keep adding playmakers. Injuries happen (Tavon Austin would be hella nice) 2) Better hope Tanny Boy improves on that deep-ball accuracy cuz he missed a handful of deep throws last year. 3) Tanny Boy is NOT Big Ben. He can't extend plays like him so the Dolphins O-Line - after years of throwing money and picks away - NEEDS TO BE FUCKIN' LEGIT in order for plays to develop downfield and this to work.
It's all pretty silly and ridiculous but I figured I'd provide some screenshots of the 'altercation' last night between possible soon-to-be-$6 million-dollar-man, Chipmunk Hartline, and his clingy girl with the stratospheric fake boobs up to her neck, Kara Conrad. In all, they got super butthurt at first then tried to play it off like I'm the crazy one but, whatever, fuck them both. Smh and all that stuff.
The Dolphins have franchised DT Randy Starks - who famously pinned an officer against another car while partying on South Beach in 2009 and was forever known as 'Bang Bus' - thus taking up some of Jeff Ireland's precious $50mil or so for free agents and incoming rookies. Bang Bus was looking for a multi-year deal here with the Fins but Jeff Ireland instead chose to drive him around the airport in a van and let him out in a Kendall parking lot with a hearty 'FUCK YOU' laugh and door slam.
Starks will make an estimated $8.5mil in guaranteed money playing for the Dolphins this year and the team has roughly $37mil left in cap money to go after the Mike Wallaces' of the world. There's still a chance that Starks could get a multi-year deal but it's not likely given homie has no free agency threat leverage anymore. Dem's da breaks, kid! There had been rumors the Dolphins would place the tag on Jake Long or Sean Smith but then again HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ARE YOU SERIOUS SEAN SMITH???
Our take: This is an expected and fairly smart move by the Dolphins. Hopefully, Starks - one of the few playmakers along a mostly 'pretty ok' defensive line - could move to the outside and movie buff/1st round bustface, Odrick, can move to the inside along with Soliai. Given that a lot of the pass rushers in the draft are not every exciting outside of the first 2-3 (whom will likely be gone by the time we choose at #12), making sure Bang Bus sticks around for another season AT LEAST was good horse sense. Plus, now he has the incentive to stay healthy and play hard for another contract year. Obviously, there was no way this would have been a smart move for Hartline, Smith or even Jake Long (2 out of 3 will likely be gone, we think). It's likely we'll see Hartline getting a new contract before free agency; I don't see the Dolphins wanting to part ways with the kid without a fight.
So, nice move keeping Starks, Jeff Ireland CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!
Lost in the mire of Arrrrrmando's latest post about Ireland's likelihood of using the franchise tag on someone this season (and, really, who the fuck knows - I doubt even Ginger SourFace Jones up there does), is this last little quote from Ireland that should scare the shit out of every Dolphins fan / not surprise them at all:
"I think there are some difference-makers," Ireland said of the draft talent before adding he likes several offensive and defensive linemen and thinks there are good safeties available as well.
/ spends 27 minutes looking for hammer in storage closet
// does 3 lines of cocaine
/// slams hammer into nutsack as Quentin Tarantino-esque cool, retro freeze-frame launches into super funky Shuggy Otis song