/ you log on to FinsNation
// you turn around from looking at monitor 37 seconds later
/// your girlfriend/wife's already been Pussyhammer'd
Join us at 12:30pm-ish on Friday. Prolly around the time he can "kick all them sweet bitches out mah bed and shiiit".
We'd like to once again thank Big O for stopping by and chatting with us numbskulls for an hour today. We apologize if you submitted a question and it didn't get through. We were learning on the fly with that chat board thing, so it wasn't always smooth sailing. Plus, we only had an hour to do it. Plus, I was drunk. DRUNK MODERATOR! FUCK YEA!
All told, Big O was very insightful in his answers about the Dolphins, and rather patient with our goofy shit, I'd say. He's planning on coming back around draft time to chat up Fins draft stuff and how we'll probably select yet another offensive lineman with our first pick. We promise that chat will go a lot smoother.
Also, please be sure to stop by next Friday when our chat guest will be none other than LaMontelle Pussyhammer himself. That is, if he gets up out of bed in time.
If you missed the chat, you can read it here.
Most of your jokes were left out of the chat due to time constraints/serious questions purposes. So we've posted the best ones after the jump.
You crazy fuckers made our week with your shenanigans.
Have a kick ass weekend, Nation!
Continue reading "Weekender: The Best D*ckjokes From Today's Chat" »
The Super Bowl is a couple of weeks behind us, free agency doesn't start for another few weeks and the Draft is a good two months away.
Yep. It's the doldrums. And it blows ass.
But, not to worry, Nation. Because we here at FN are nothing if not accomodating to your needs.
So, what say we shoot the doldrums in the face with a bazooka and have ourselves a good ole fashioned sports talk chat thing?
Come by this Friday at 1:00 (EST) for our first ever FinsNation Football & Football Related Things Chat hosted by none other than South Florida radio sports talk personality Orlando Alzugaray of 640 Sports. Or, as his mom calls him, BIG O.
Big O was kind enough to agree to come by on Friday afternoon to answer all your questions about the Dolphins, free agency, the draft, life, the universe, and everything.
This is the sort of thing that can be totally cool, or a total fucking train wreck. Either way, it should be a hoot.
So be sure to come by Friday at 1:00.
Tits.
(tumbleweed scurries across the dirt road of FinsNation town's Main Street as The Dude and DRK sit on a stoop and wipe the sweat off their brow, pull at some 'Rebel Yell' whisky whiskey)
This here's The Doldrums, boys and girls. Maybe some of y'all never heard of it what with all them coordinators and what not bein' hired and that there Super Bowl bein' played. But 'round these parts things get a lil', well, DRY during the Doldrums. So here's some Kate Upton D's (fer 'Doldrums') pressed up together ta keep ya honest when the days are hot and the nights are long. I reckon she may have been sullied by that there Mexican some time ago but I betcha she clean as a whistle now.
Well, fer now anyway...
(DRK spits on floor, tips hat, smiles 4-tooth grin and walks away into the dust)
So, yea, that happened.
While I admittedly didn't watch much of the game at all, I turned it on after my post-Heat nap to find Marshall totally fuckin' BALLIN' out there. True, there's more defense being played at a Banyan Elementary recess football game but it still feels sorta nice to have a Dolphins player do some pretty badass shit, including the HOLY FUCK catch pictured above. Pretty badass when a dude has 6 catches and 4 of those are for touchdowns (along with 176 receiving yards, to boot). As Arrrrrmando stated (and I gotta admit that his blog articles have been a bit more sufferable lately and HOLY SHIT I CAN'T BELIEVE I JUST TYPED THAT OUT), it shows that Marshall can be an elite player when paired with comparable talent. Put him with a puppet or a robot or any other object that lacks a semblance of a soul and you get an irrate, disgruntled, annoyed child (note: he'd probably become this anyway over time with anyone) that suddenly can't get open despite his obvious physical gifts. Shit, he was killin' it with Jay Cutler and Cutler's the biggest Mr. Wompy Sadface maybe ever!
As Marshall said:
"It says a lot when you're playing with these type of quarterbacks. They just put it in the right place and I just made the play. Hats off to those guys throwing me the ball."
Matt Moore Puppet Dejected Falling Puppetmaster Strings In The Corner of The Room Sad Face Pinocchio!!!!
Point is: stop dickin' around and get a REAL fuckin' QB. Draft one every goddamn year until you hit on another one. Even the stupid Patriots drafted Mallett and they have one of the best QBs ever as their starter - as epically douchey as he is and all.
Anyways, congrats to Brandon Marshall on a truly BEASTLY performance. Oh, and please stop being so deliberate in your answers!!! Wish I had a nickle for every 'you know what' he uttered. Goytrain!
The Dolphins have a pair of brand new coordinators, with former Packers and Texas A&M coach Mike Sherman as the new offensive coordinator and fomer Bengals DB coach Kevin Coyle the new defensive coordinator.
And while a lot of you might be excited about this news, I'll save my excitement for SI swimsuit model Izabel Gaulart and her wonderful, wondeful tight little ass.
Sure, these guys might be the key to our team's future playoff success.
But, look at her ass. Look at it, dammit!
I'd eat an endless buffet serving of chu-maki without utensils off of that thing for fucksake.
So, yea, new coordinators and shit.
Have a great weekend, nation!
It's looking like former Green Bay Packers coach and Texas A & M coach Mike Sherman might very well be the next offensive coordinator for the Miami Dolphins.
Sherman was at one point the front runner for the Tampa Bay Bucs head coaching gig, but that looks like it ain't happening. He's interviewed with the Dolphins and is reportedly in town at this very moment.
Sherman coached the Packers from 2000-2005 and is long-time friends with Joe Philbin (Philbin was on his staff in Green Bay).
This, of course, means no more Brian Daboll in Miami. It also most likely means the Fins will be running a west coast offense, which is weird but different.
If that's the case, it looks more and more like we're all gonna have to put our faith in Matt Flynn next year.
It will also start to get everyone's crotch hot and wet for Sherman's Texas A & M QB Ryan Tannehill.
Because FUCK YEA second-round quarterbacks who did awesome at the Senior Bowl!! Right, you guys?
Well, this is something.
According to PFT (via Barry Jackson), if Peyton Manning becomes available this offseason, the Dolphins will go strong to the hoop to get him.
Supposedly, Goose Neck is Plan A for the Dolphins, which also apparently includes going after Matt Flynn, or possibly trading up to nab Robert Griffin Number Three or even Andrew Luck.
I'm calling bullshit on all of this. Mainly because the Honey Badger GM doesn't have the balls to move up the draft to get one of those guys because we need those precious draft picks that it would cost us so we can draft moar Jared Odricks and Koa Misis.
I'd venture to say these sources are made up, or are just two dudes trying to light a fire under everyone's asses in the front office. In which case I'd say well played, good sirs.
However, the thought of Goose Neck in a Dolphins uniform is certainly intriguing in a THAT GUY WOULD BE FUCKING AWESOME IF ONLY HIS NECK VERTEBRAE WEREN'T SUDDENLY MADE OF PEANUT BRITTLE sort of way.
But I will say that Manning as a Dolphin would be the tits. Sure he might be one vicious hit away from being Stephen Hawking, but fuck it... why the shit not? If he can play, and if he comes here, holy shitcocks that would be pretty fantastic.
And just the mere fact that there are reports that the Fins will be aggressive in getting a francise QB is enough to make us want to fly a banner that reads ALL IS FORGIVEN, YOU GINGER SHIT! over Sun Life stadium.
Until then, however, he can fuck himself with a hammer.
ESPN's Adam Schefter tweeted it out. Former Green Bay Packers OC Joe Philbin is the new head coach of your Miami Dolphins.
So, we went from giving HEFFF! helicopter rides, to everyone saying they'd be shocked if we didn't hire The Turtle Coach, to naming Lurch up there the new head honcho.
Our immediate reaction: *queef*
Our next reaction: Feels kinda Cam Camerony.
This most likely means we're going after Matt Flynn and will very much be taking an offensive tackle with our first draft pick.
Cocksocks? Oh yes. Cocksocks.
Your thoughts in the comments.
