Celebrating the 31st anniversary of the NFL-United Way community service partnership, NFL All Stars were selected to serve their communities. Today, a special message about gamesmanship and being a good sport to the children of America, from Dolphins linebacker Joey Porter:
"Wuz up, mutha f&$#ers. Joey Porter here. Some mutha f&$#ers call me J-Peezey. That's cool. You can call me that if you want. What I don't like is when some fool calls me Jesus. Like when I bust a mutha f&$#er up on the football field and he screams, "Jesus make the pain stop!" I'd like to make the pain stop. But I can't. It's my job to not make the pain stop. And stop calling me Jesus, mutha f&$#er!
"Today we face the Dallas Cowboys. And I'm ready to roll. I've already called out that cocky-ass mutha f&$#in' softy Marion Barber. I can't stand cocky mutha f&$#ers. Only room for one cocky mutha f&$#er up in this house and that cocky mutha f&$#er is me. Also, I can't stand to play on the same football field as a dude named Marion. Boys, if you got the same name as a girl, go find your Daddy and kick him in the balls right now. Cause that shit ain't right. So we're going to have to put a stop to this my name is Marion business. Today. I'm going to have to dismantle that mutha f&$#er real good. I realize he ran all over the Giants last week. But you're in Sofla now, mutha f&$#er. You in my house. And in my house, you best stay on your end of the field. Or I'm gonna pretend like you came into my house and took a shit on my living room floor. Then I'm gonna foam at the mouth, get all angry up in this bitch and you gonna know what pain is, mutha f&$#er! You gonna know what pain is! Oh, and, don't do drugs 'n' shit like that, kids. Stay in school and learn stuff. J-Peezey out."
Keys to the game: For the D, stop the run, put the heat on Tony Romo and eliminate the big plays down field. Win this game at the line of scrimmage! For the O, establish the run, take advantage of Dallas' vulnerable secondary with Chris Chambers, protect Trent Green and ... oh yea... CATCH THE DAMN FOOTBALL!
All in all should be a rowdy opener. I expect full onslaught from the home town fans. I expect nothing but noise whenever Dallas' offense is on the field. And I expect to hear the lamentations of a thousand Cowboys fans when this is all over. Make those a-holes go cry into their oil wells and gigantic hats. So, as that commercial with the little kids on the school bus who are all jacked up on steroids says, "We must protect this house!"
Prediction: Cowboys 14 - Dolphins 17
