Fins Nation: A Miami Dolphins Blog With Dick Jokes

The Worst Day In Franchise History

Mark it down. September 30, 2007. The worst day in Miami Dolphins history.

For on this day:

- Dan Marino's hallowed TD record falls to Brett Favre.
- The Dolphins' former quarterback Daunte Culpepper throws 2 touchdowns and rushes for 3 touchdowns against Miami in an utterly embarrassing 35-17 loss at home.
- The Dolphins new quarterback Trent Green throws for a meager 158 yards, 0 touchdowns and 2 interceptions.
- The once vaunted Dolphins defense gives up a total of 299 rushing yards to the Raiders, including 179 to backup running back Justin Fargas.
- The Dolphins start the 2007 season 0-4, marking the worst start by a Dolphins coach in his first-year as head coach.
- The Dolphins are two consecutive losses away from tying the worst start in franchise history.
- The Dolphins are now the only winless team in the AFC, and join the St. Louis Rams and New Orleans Saints as the only teams yet to win a game in the NFL.

Rock bottom? No, no, my friends. This is a big piece of horse shit lodged at the bottom of a cesspool buried underneath a mound of 3 month old dead animals.

If you hate watching and rooting for this team right now, be thankful you're not me. I got 12 more weeks of blogging about these assholes on a daily basis.

Fuck.

 

The Worst Day In Franchise History

Mark it down. September 30, 2007. The worst day in Miami Dolphins history.

For on this day:

- Dan Marino's hallowed TD record falls to Brett Favre.
- The Dolphins' former quarterback Daunte Culpepper throws 2 touchdowns and rushes for 3 touchdowns against Miami in an utterly embarrassing 35-17 loss at home.
- The Dolphins new quarterback Trent Green throws for a meager 158 yards, 0 touchdowns and 2 interceptions.
- The once vaunted Dolphins defense gives up a total of 299 rushing yards to the Raiders, including 179 to backup running back Justin Fargas.
- The Dolphins start the 2007 season 0-4, marking the worst start by a Dolphins coach in his first-year as head coach.
- The Dolphins are two consecutive losses away from tying the worst start in franchise history.
- The Dolphins are now the only winless team in the AFC, and join the St. Louis Rams and New Orleans Saints as the only teams yet to win a game in the NFL.

Rock bottom? No, no, my friends. This is a big piece of horse shit lodged at the bottom of a cesspool buried underneath a mound of 3 month old dead animals.

If you hate watching and rooting for this team right now, be thankful you're not me. I got 12 more weeks of blogging about these assholes on a daily basis.

Fuck.

 

Now and Forever -- The Greatest

Today's the day Brett Favre likely sets the new record for all time touchdowns by a quarterback. When Dan Marino set the record back in the day, ESPN mentioned it as a sort of side note. When Favre breaks it today, ESPN and all the other mainstream media outlets are going to ejaculate all over themselves and inundate the highlight shows and the internet with the image of Favre throwing the record-setting TD and running and picking up one of his receivers and they'll say oh look how wonderful he is and oh doesn't he just still have that little kid inside him and oh I wish I could make out with him in the restroom for 15 minutes, etc. etc. etc... (I'm looking right at you Sean Salisbury, you douche. Why don't you do us all a favor and shut the fuck up, take another picture of your johnson and stop with the tough guy rants. You. Are. A. Career. Backup. Quarterback.)

Anyway ...

We know the truth.

The truth is, record or no record, Dan Marino is simply the greatest quarterback of all time. The record stands at 420. But let's not forget that Marino broke the record during the course of his career and not during the last legs of it (like Favre). Let us not forget that Marino reached 420 in fewer games than Favre and had he not suffered a freak Achilles injury in 1993, the mark would in all likelihood be completely out of reach. Let us not forget that although Marino did lose the '93 season to injury, he still reached 420 in fewer attempts than Fave -- with far less talent surrounding him. Let us not forget that Marino still holds the record for most yards and that Favre is 3,000 yards behind him. And let us not forget that with all the ballwashing and verbal cocksucks the mainstream media is going to give Favre after he breaks the record today, that he is only two interceptions away from being the all-time leader for thrown interceptions (currently held by George Blanda).

Favre will have the TD record. But Favre -- as he himself admitted to the press last week -- is nowhere near in the same class of the greatest passer in the history of the NFL.

Dan the Man.

Now and Forever -- The Greatest

Today's the day Brett Favre likely sets the new record for all time touchdowns by a quarterback. When Dan Marino set the record back in the day, ESPN mentioned it as a sort of side note. When Favre breaks it today, ESPN and all the other mainstream media outlets are going to ejaculate all over themselves and inundate the highlight shows and the internet with the image of Favre throwing the record-setting TD and running and picking up one of his receivers and they'll say oh look how wonderful he is and oh doesn't he just still have that little kid inside him and oh I wish I could make out with him in the restroom for 15 minutes, etc. etc. etc... (I'm looking right at you Sean Salisbury, you douche. Why don't you do us all a favor and shut the fuck up, take another picture of your johnson and stop with the tough guy rants. You. Are. A. Career. Backup. Quarterback.)

Anyway ...

We know the truth.

The truth is, record or no record, Dan Marino is simply the greatest quarterback of all time. The record stands at 420. But let's not forget that Marino broke the record during the course of his career and not during the last legs of it (like Favre). Let us not forget that Marino reached 420 in fewer games than Favre and had he not suffered a freak Achilles injury in 1993, the mark would in all likelihood be completely out of reach. Let us not forget that although Marino did lose the '93 season to injury, he still reached 420 in fewer attempts than Fave -- with far less talent surrounding him. Let us not forget that Marino still holds the record for most yards and that Favre is 3,000 yards behind him. And let us not forget that with all the ballwashing and verbal cocksucks the mainstream media is going to give Favre after he breaks the record today, that he is only two interceptions away from being the all-time leader for thrown interceptions (currently held by George Blanda).

Favre will have the TD record. But Favre -- as he himself admitted to the press last week -- is nowhere near in the same class of the greatest passer in the history of the NFL.

Dan the Man.

Raiders talk to God ... God talks back

Dear God, my toe hurts. Please heal it in time for me to play football on Sunday. Just like you did with my buddy Jon Kitna the other day. You healed his brain. That was awesome. This a toe, so that�s nothing for you. If my toe ain�t healed then that fella that likes strippers will play. Which means I could lose my job. To a stripper lover. Oh and, P.S., God bless Mr. Al Davis. Amen.

-

Dear God. Please let my knee hold up against the Dolphins this Sunday. I got a hankerin for some revenge. It's pay back time for them bitches! Retro-mutha fuckin-bution! And please let my tiny hands not fumble the football too much. You do this for me and I�ll stop with the strippers. And God bless Al Davis. C-Pep out.

-

Dear God, McCown and Culpepper are running my team? Kill me now.

-

Dear Josh: Sorry but it looks like your toe is going to have to stay broken. Because it�s a toe. If it was a leg or an arm or even a thumb�mmmehhhh�Maybe. But a toe? That�s just too stupid to heal. Oh, and, P.S. There�s a reason why Jon asked you for a Spicy Chicken value meal with a large Fanta when you inquired about his wife and children on the phone yesterday. Now stop bothering me.

Dear Daunte: Last time you came calling, I bailed you out of that whole sex boat scandal thing and gave you a fresh start in Miami. You then proceeded to screw it up. Real nice, Panama Red. Sure, part of that was Nick Saban�s fault. But he�s in league with my sworn enemy so it was out of my hands. And speaking of � sorry about yours. The day you were born, the factory workers were on strike up here so I had to give you midget hands. It was a split second decision that had to be made. It was either that or being born with four feet. And no one wants to go through life known as he Foot-Hands Guy. I think I made the right call. Again, sorry and good luck this Sunday.

Dear Al: You�ve been dead for 4 years now.

-

Keys to the game: The defense flat out needs to get their heads out of their collective asses and play some damn football. Joey Porter's guarantee? Whatever dude. Just make a tackle and I'll be happy. Balls? Pft. Doesn't take much to guarantee a win against a 1-2 team. Crack some heads and cause some havoc, then I will praise you and your balls. Until then, the wow factor on you is negative 8. This game is on the defense. The offense should be able to score some points on Oakland's 24th ranked secondary. But our defense must step up and play. I don't even want to imagine what an 0-4 record feels like. So let's just stop the bleeding right here, mmmkay??? Thanks a bunch....

Prediction: Raiders 17 � Dolphins 24

Okay .. I'm outta here for the weekend. Gotta head up north on some business. I'll have to catch the game on a hotel TV (one with DirecTV, so I'm set.) I should be back Sunday night for the re-cap. Have a safe one...

Oh and, I�m 1-2 for my Fins seasonal predictions. This week I reach the .500 mark. Dolphins win. Yippie kay yey mutha f#@er!!!!!

Raiders talk to God ... God talks back

Dear God, my toe hurts. Please heal it in time for me to play football on Sunday. Just like you did with my buddy Jon Kitna the other day. You healed his brain. That was awesome. This a toe, so that’s nothing for you. If my toe ain’t healed then that fella that likes strippers will play. Which means I could lose my job. To a stripper lover. Oh and, P.S., God bless Mr. Al Davis. Amen.

-

Dear God. Please let my knee hold up against the Dolphins this Sunday. I got a hankerin for some revenge. It's pay back time for them bitches! Retro-mutha fuckin-bution! And please let my tiny hands not fumble the football too much. You do this for me and I’ll stop with the strippers. And God bless Al Davis. C-Pep out.

-

Dear God, McCown and Culpepper are running my team? Kill me now.

-

Dear Josh: Sorry but it looks like your toe is going to have to stay broken. Because it’s a toe. If it was a leg or an arm or even a thumb…mmmehhhh…Maybe. But a toe? That’s just too stupid to heal. Oh, and, P.S. There’s a reason why Jon asked you for a Spicy Chicken value meal with a large Fanta when you inquired about his wife and children on the phone yesterday. Now stop bothering me.

Dear Daunte: Last time you came calling, I bailed you out of that whole sex boat scandal thing and gave you a fresh start in Miami. You then proceeded to screw it up. Real nice, Panama Red. Sure, part of that was Nick Saban’s fault. But he’s in league with my sworn enemy so it was out of my hands. And speaking of … sorry about yours. The day you were born, the factory workers were on strike up here so I had to give you midget hands. It was a split second decision that had to be made. It was either that or being born with four feet. And no one wants to go through life known as he Foot-Hands Guy. I think I made the right call. Again, sorry and good luck this Sunday.

Dear Al: You’ve been dead for 4 years now.

-

Keys to the game: The defense flat out needs to get their heads out of their collective asses and play some damn football. Joey Porter's guarantee? Whatever dude. Just make a tackle and I'll be happy. Balls? Pft. Doesn't take much to guarantee a win against a 1-2 team. Crack some heads and cause some havoc, then I will praise you and your balls. Until then, the wow factor on you is negative 8. This game is on the defense. The offense should be able to score some points on Oakland's 24th ranked secondary. But our defense must step up and play. I don't even want to imagine what an 0-4 record feels like. So let's just stop the bleeding right here, mmmkay??? Thanks a bunch....

Prediction: Raiders 17 – Dolphins 24

Okay .. I'm outta here for the weekend. Gotta head up north on some business. I'll have to catch the game on a hotel TV (one with DirecTV, so I'm set.) I should be back Sunday night for the re-cap. Have a safe one...

Oh and, I’m 1-2 for my Fins seasonal predictions. This week I reach the .500 mark. Dolphins win. Yippie kay yey mutha f#@er!!!!!

Week 4 Scouting: Raiders @ Fins

My weekly scouting column over at The Phish Tank is up. Stop on by and holla at a brotha in the comments there. True.

Scouting Week 4: Raiders at Dolphins

Week 4 Scouting: Raiders @ Fins

My weekly scouting column over at The Phish Tank is up. Stop on by and holla at a brotha in the comments there. True.

Scouting Week 4: Raiders at Dolphins

Vote Marino!

This is completely meaningless and arbitrary. As is everything that ESPN does. But let's do it anyway. Nation, get out there and vote. As of now, Dan Marino ranks No. 3 just behind Brett Favreh and Joe Montana as the Greatest of All Time. Surely we can change that!

Vote Marino!

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Vote Marino!

This is completely meaningless and arbitrary. As is everything that ESPN does. But let's do it anyway. Nation, get out there and vote. As of now, Dan Marino ranks No. 3 just behind Brett Favreh and Joe Montana as the Greatest of All Time. Surely we can change that!

Vote Marino!

13