Fins Nation: A Miami Dolphins Blog With Dick Jokes

0-3.

Six words.

Chad Pennington scored a rushing touchdown.

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0-3.

Six words.

Chad Pennington scored a rushing touchdown.

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A Special Message from Yoda: Jets fan

"Hey. Yoda here. What? You expectin me to taulk like all backwards and shit to yous? Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah ... that's just for da movies. Dis is my real ways of taulkin. I'm an acter. That  whole "Mine, or I will help you not" shit is just me actin. I ain't from no planet in outta space like Neptune or some shits. I'm straight up from da Bronx, New Yawk. Greatest fuckin city in da world. Yea, I live in Miami now. Cuz of work and everyting ... but I am and always will be a New Yawker. Believe me, if I didn't have this job stampin peoples hands over at Solid Gold, I'd be livin back in my city. Cuz Miami sucks so much cock it ain't even funny. And whats up wit all da fags here? You got so many fags. Everywhere I look, fags. But whateva. When I get enough green I'm gonna move back to New Yawk, da greatest fuckin city in da world. Cuz Miami sucks. So, go Yankees... Go Jets ... know whatta mean? Wes gonna take it to yous, Miami. Squish da Phish. I think m'boy Pennington is gonna trow it all over yer sorry ass defense. Yea, I booed him when he got hurt last week. Cuz we New Yawkerz are all about winners. If you don't win, you don't earn my respect. If you can't win, you can't make it in dis fuckin town. Dats why I love dat fuckin Jeter so much. He's a winna, ya know. Anyways, the faggot that runs dis blog let me come here and say a few tings. He's a big fan of da movies and everyting. So, there you go, faggots. Oh and ... J-E-T-S- JETS!! JETS!! JETS!!. And may the Force be wit yous."

Keys to the game: For the D, put pressure on Pennington and stop the run. The Jets offensive line sucks, for a lack of a better word, ass. So this has to be the week where JT and J-Peezey get their shwerve on. No Zach means Channing Crowder has got to step up and be the guy he's supposed to be 5 years from now when Zach retires. For the O, it's simple. The Jets pass rush has been crapping the bed this season. This means Trent Green should have plenty of time to throw. Look for Chris Chambers to have a big game. And ... I know I'm forgetting something ... um ... uh ... um .... oh yea ... RUN THE BALL ALL DAY WITH RONNIE!!!!!!Ronnie Brown!! The other running back! The one with the 23 on his jersey. K? Thanks!

It's always a grudge match when these two meet, so the crowd should be their usual classy, stoic selves. Meanwhile, our man Roro Kid will be somewhere in the pit of pot bellied mustachioed women and their hairy, hairy men. He's in the bowels of hell. Hope he survives. I'm not kidding. Look for his report tomorrow or Tuesday.

Prediction: It's a toss up. But a game on the road, no Zach Thomas, a front seven that can't stop the run, and a highly flammable secondary, my gut tells me the Jets win this one. Or maybe I'm hoping for a reverse-jinx. Or maybe I have to shit. Either way...Go Fins!

Dolphins 17 - Jets 20

A Special Message from Yoda: Jets fan

"Hey. Yoda here. What? You expectin me to taulk like all backwards and shit to yous? Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah ... that's just for da movies. Dis is my real ways of taulkin. I'm an acter. That  whole "Mine, or I will help you not" shit is just me actin. I ain't from no planet in outta space like Neptune or some shits. I'm straight up from da Bronx, New Yawk. Greatest fuckin city in da world. Yea, I live in Miami now. Cuz of work and everyting ... but I am and always will be a New Yawker. Believe me, if I didn't have this job stampin peoples hands over at Solid Gold, I'd be livin back in my city. Cuz Miami sucks so much cock it ain't even funny. And whats up wit all da fags here? You got so many fags. Everywhere I look, fags. But whateva. When I get enough green I'm gonna move back to New Yawk, da greatest fuckin city in da world. Cuz Miami sucks. So, go Yankees... Go Jets ... know whatta mean? Wes gonna take it to yous, Miami. Squish da Phish. I think m'boy Pennington is gonna trow it all over yer sorry ass defense. Yea, I booed him when he got hurt last week. Cuz we New Yawkerz are all about winners. If you don't win, you don't earn my respect. If you can't win, you can't make it in dis fuckin town. Dats why I love dat fuckin Jeter so much. He's a winna, ya know. Anyways, the faggot that runs dis blog let me come here and say a few tings. He's a big fan of da movies and everyting. So, there you go, faggots. Oh and ... J-E-T-S- JETS!! JETS!! JETS!!. And may the Force be wit yous."

Keys to the game: For the D, put pressure on Pennington and stop the run. The Jets offensive line sucks, for a lack of a better word, ass. So this has to be the week where JT and J-Peezey get their shwerve on. No Zach means Channing Crowder has got to step up and be the guy he's supposed to be 5 years from now when Zach retires. For the O, it's simple. The Jets pass rush has been crapping the bed this season. This means Trent Green should have plenty of time to throw. Look for Chris Chambers to have a big game. And ... I know I'm forgetting something ... um ... uh ... um .... oh yea ... RUN THE BALL ALL DAY WITH RONNIE!!!!!!Ronnie Brown!! The other running back! The one with the 23 on his jersey. K? Thanks!

It's always a grudge match when these two meet, so the crowd should be their usual classy, stoic selves. Meanwhile, our man Roro Kid will be somewhere in the pit of pot bellied mustachioed women and their hairy, hairy men. He's in the bowels of hell. Hope he survives. I'm not kidding. Look for his report tomorrow or Tuesday.

Prediction: It's a toss up. But a game on the road, no Zach Thomas, a front seven that can't stop the run, and a highly flammable secondary, my gut tells me the Jets win this one. Or maybe I'm hoping for a reverse-jinx. Or maybe I have to shit. Either way...Go Fins!

Dolphins 17 - Jets 20

Scouting the Game (week 3)

I'M MY OWN PIMP: I'll be posting my FN Dolphins-Jets preview here tomorrow. But for now, go check out my weekly scouting series over at The Phish Tank. It's a weekly break-down of specific players of note for both the Dolphins and their opponents and what we can expect to be some key matchups for each game. I also point out a particular player for each team to keep an eye on, who may be the key to a win or a loss. It's full on Dolphins football scouting and analysis without the inane crazy ramblings and douche bag jokes you find here.

Scouting Week 3: Dolphins at Jets

Oh, and injury update: Zach Thomas will not play this weekend. Fuck, shit and piss to that.

Scouting the Game (week 3)

I'M MY OWN PIMP: I'll be posting my FN Dolphins-Jets preview here tomorrow. But for now, go check out my weekly scouting series over at The Phish Tank. It's a weekly break-down of specific players of note for both the Dolphins and their opponents and what we can expect to be some key matchups for each game. I also point out a particular player for each team to keep an eye on, who may be the key to a win or a loss. It's full on Dolphins football scouting and analysis without the inane crazy ramblings and douche bag jokes you find here.

Scouting Week 3: Dolphins at Jets

Oh, and injury update: Zach Thomas will not play this weekend. Fuck, shit and piss to that.

One Step Closer To Kenny ...

The U took care of bidness yesterday, taking 20th ranked Texas A&M by the arm, marching them to the back of the house and proceeding to administer the woodshed treatment. A 34-17 beat down is what was witnessed at the OB last night. And what a fine beat down it was.

Why does this matter here? Well, first off, because I love the college football. And secondly, I love the U.

But, more importantly, as I mentioned here a few posts ago, I really, really, really love Canes safety Kenny Phillips. Look at him. The guy is a man-beast and is going to make one hell of a safety in the NFL someday. Hey, the Dolphins need help in the secondary. Why don't we make an arrangement to get these two together? Say, next April-ish.

And when you talk about the Dolphins, it's never too early to talk NFL Draft.

Since the Fins are on pace to land a top 10-15 pick again next year, this is the guy I want them to target. Last year the Cane I loved was safety Brandon Merriweather. Unfortunately, he ended up with the Patriots (of course he did!). Plus we had other needs. But now that we have our QB ... let's go all Kenny up in this mug...

(offensive line too but we can address that need in the 2nd round. Kenny is a first-round talent).

Someone e-mail this post to one Randy Mueller of the Miami Dolphins football club for me. Thanks.

One Step Closer To Kenny ...

The U took care of bidness yesterday, taking 20th ranked Texas A&M by the arm, marching them to the back of the house and proceeding to administer the woodshed treatment. A 34-17 beat down is what was witnessed at the OB last night. And what a fine beat down it was.

Why does this matter here? Well, first off, because I love the college football. And secondly, I love the U.

But, more importantly, as I mentioned here a few posts ago, I really, really, really love Canes safety Kenny Phillips. Look at him. The guy is a man-beast and is going to make one hell of a safety in the NFL someday. Hey, the Dolphins need help in the secondary. Why don't we make an arrangement to get these two together? Say, next April-ish.

And when you talk about the Dolphins, it's never too early to talk NFL Draft.

Since the Fins are on pace to land a top 10-15 pick again next year, this is the guy I want them to target. Last year the Cane I loved was safety Brandon Merriweather. Unfortunately, he ended up with the Patriots (of course he did!). Plus we had other needs. But now that we have our QB ... let's go all Kenny up in this mug...

(offensive line too but we can address that need in the 2nd round. Kenny is a first-round talent).

Someone e-mail this post to one Randy Mueller of the Miami Dolphins football club for me. Thanks.

Jason Taylor Pisses in a Cup More Often Than He Used To

Jason Taylor tells USA Today that he has been taking a piss for the NFL with a lot more frequency ever since he spoke out publicly about Shawne Merriman's facination with roids and roids related products & goods.

"Since I made those comments, I've been tested more than ever," says Taylor, the reigning defensive player of the year. "It's supposed to be random, but I guess that computer has a star on it, next to my name. I guess they want to make sure I practice what I preach."

But, says JT, he don't mind.

"There's a need to keep the game clean and also to protect people's health," Taylor said.  "And at the end of the day, it's against the law."

The NFL says players are subject to up to six random tests during the off-season, even if they have no prior drug history.  Also, 10 players from each team are randomly chosen for testing every week during the regular season and the post-season.

JT was tested four times during the 2007 off-season. That's a shit load of Jason Taylor piss.

The NFL is now considering testing for HGH starting next year, which would be done through taking blood samples.

His biggest complaint from this:

Says Taylor, "I hate needles."

Pussy.

"A performance-enhancing drug is, obviously, what it is.  You enhance your performance by doing that.  You fail that test, I think it's not right. It's against the rules and ultimately I think it's sending the wrong message to the youth in America and the people who look at this game not only as entertainment but also to learn lessons from it."

So what can we take from all this? What can the children of America learn? I dunno. Drugs are bad, I guess. I can tell you I learned that all the roids in the world and all the seizure dances on the planet won't make you as good a football player as Jason Taylor. Wanna know how to sack Tom Brady? Be like JT. Wanna know how to get back acne, get an unnaturally large head and have your balls shrivel up like prunes? You know what to do. Otherwise, be like JT and get all your talent from eating a healthy diet of red meat, wood chips, rusty nails and human flesh. And drink lots and lots of water. And eat a lot of asparagus too, kids. The NFL lab guys love that. So be cool stay in school and be like JT.

The point of this post? To get some good karma going for JT and the boys this week since they're likely going to be without Zach. The point of the picture on this post? Apparently, FN has a lot more female readers than we anticipated or even knew about. Bottom line: Email requests from the ladies+the dude loving the ladies=picture of half naked Jason Taylor sitting on the beach with jeans on. In a totally natural pose, by the way.

Jason Taylor Pisses in a Cup More Often Than He Used To

Jason Taylor tells USA Today that he has been taking a piss for the NFL with a lot more frequency ever since he spoke out publicly about Shawne Merriman's facination with roids and roids related products & goods.

"Since I made those comments, I've been tested more than ever," says Taylor, the reigning defensive player of the year. "It's supposed to be random, but I guess that computer has a star on it, next to my name. I guess they want to make sure I practice what I preach."

But, says JT, he don't mind.

"There's a need to keep the game clean and also to protect people's health," Taylor said.  "And at the end of the day, it's against the law."

The NFL says players are subject to up to six random tests during the off-season, even if they have no prior drug history.  Also, 10 players from each team are randomly chosen for testing every week during the regular season and the post-season.

JT was tested four times during the 2007 off-season. That's a shit load of Jason Taylor piss.

The NFL is now considering testing for HGH starting next year, which would be done through taking blood samples.

His biggest complaint from this:

Says Taylor, "I hate needles."

Pussy.

"A performance-enhancing drug is, obviously, what it is.  You enhance your performance by doing that.  You fail that test, I think it's not right. It's against the rules and ultimately I think it's sending the wrong message to the youth in America and the people who look at this game not only as entertainment but also to learn lessons from it."

So what can we take from all this? What can the children of America learn? I dunno. Drugs are bad, I guess. I can tell you I learned that all the roids in the world and all the seizure dances on the planet won't make you as good a football player as Jason Taylor. Wanna know how to sack Tom Brady? Be like JT. Wanna know how to get back acne, get an unnaturally large head and have your balls shrivel up like prunes? You know what to do. Otherwise, be like JT and get all your talent from eating a healthy diet of red meat, wood chips, rusty nails and human flesh. And drink lots and lots of water. And eat a lot of asparagus too, kids. The NFL lab guys love that. So be cool stay in school and be like JT.

The point of this post? To get some good karma going for JT and the boys this week since they're likely going to be without Zach. The point of the picture on this post? Apparently, FN has a lot more female readers than we anticipated or even knew about. Bottom line: Email requests from the ladies+the dude loving the ladies=picture of half naked Jason Taylor sitting on the beach with jeans on. In a totally natural pose, by the way.