In case you haven't heard, the NFL is having its first ever over-seas regular season game! This week! In London! Seriously! No joke! See the exclamation points I've added to highlight the importance of it all?!
Yea, it's finally here. The big London game against the Giants. NFL CEOs and executives everywhere are popping bubbly and dancing with Asian call girls right now.
Remember how we all complained that this game might hurt our playoff chances because it was an "away" home game? God, we're such fucking saps.
Anyway, this it. The big London game. And it'll be without Ronnie Brown or Zach Thomas (whiplash). But, hey, Channing Crowder will be there! And he'll be putting that University of Florida education to good use as he speaks the native tongue of the English to the fans who ask for his autograph upon arrival. Spanish, of course! "Pinga tu madre!" he'll say to each of them with a smile. And they'll chuckle and say "Oh Channing! You are incorrigible!"
The NY Giants come into this game hot, while our defense comes into this game giving up an average of 400 points. Or something like that. I'm too fucking jaded to look it up. But I'm sure my calculations are pretty close.
Anyway, I hope loyal members of The Nation living in the UK show up big. I hope they make a lot of noise. I hope they start a fight with the Giants fans. Dolphins Hooligans! Anarchy wankers! (they say wankers right?)
Keys to the Game: Stopping Eli Manning, Brandon Jacobs and Plaxico Burress is a tall order for our defense. And it's an order they cannot process. The Giants secondary have been giving up an average of 135 yards to opposing receivers. But their pass rush has been off the charts sick. So Cleo is gonna have to run his ass off if he wants to make some plays. Which, of course, he won't. Because he's slow and un-nimble. But I will say this -- Ted Ginn Jr. will find the endzone this week. That's my balls to the wall prediction. Mark it down. Mark. It. Down. Ted Ginn .... is a Miami Dolphin!
Prediction: Giants win in another route. 35-17. The Dolphins come home 0-8. Cam Cameron says more crap about learning from our failures and then says how pleasant the English weather is and how all the folks in England have such nice teeth. Fans back home wait at MIA with pitchforks and torches. The giant JT robot gets shit faced, goes on a rampage, eats Christian Slater, and punches Big Ben, saying later that Big Ben "was eye-ballin' his bitch." Roger Goodell curls up in a fetus position and regrets the day he ever okayed a trip to England for his beloved NFL. He urinates on himself. Wayne Huizenga flies back home counting his money. Don Shula awaits him at Dolphins headquarters in Davie and hides behind his own statue. Then, just as Wayne enters the room, Shula drop kicks Huizenga in the testicles. He looks down at Wayne's collapsed and shivering body and whispers in his ear, "Give me back my team, bitch." London's calling.
Now, let Joe Strummer and the boys take us there....