Remember last year when the Dolphins shut out the Patriots 21-0?
Remember a few seasons back when the Dolphins beat the Patriots on Monday Night Football, led by the Immortal AJ Feeley?
Remember how bad, historically, King Douche plays down here in Miami?
Remember how he gets all pissy and pouty after he loses to the Fins and acts like some 16 year old girl who just got felt up on a date at the movie theater?
Good times. Good times.
Yea, that's not going to happen this Sunday.
I understand your enthusiasm, my fellow Dolphins fans. I do! I understand that we give them a hard time every year, that we're the one team that seems to have their number, that Jason Taylor likes turning Tom Brady into his own personal hand puppet.
But these are two different teams walking into the Dolphin this Sunday. King Douche has too many weapons. Randy Moss, Wes Welker, Donte Stallworth. And that massive, huge, ridiculously immovable object of an offensive line he plays behind.
Our secondary, which features such luminaries as Cameron Worrell, Jason Allen and Travis Daniels, say that they're ready for the Pats and their WMD offense.
But here's a prediction. Randy Moss is going to tear off Worrell and Allen's arms and beat them to death with them. And Travis Daniels is going to disintegrate into a cloud of dust.
Still don't get it, do you?
Okay, let's look at some numbers.
The Patriots are scoring an average of 38.3 points per game. First in the league.
The Dolphins are allowing an average of 30.3 points per game. 23rd in the league.
And while the fact that the Patriots may be without a serious running game (due to injury) and without tight end Ben Watson (again, injury), that still won't slow them down. Because, as I mentioned, the real MVP of this team is not The Dreamboat, not Welker, not Stallworth, not even Moss. It's that Hoover Dam they call an offensive line. And that, my friends, will be the difference -- as it has been all year.
Tom Brady is the greatest, most amazing, wonderful, spectacular, fantastic, fabulous, incomparable, unshakable, walk on water, heal the lepers and raise the dead quarterback in the history of the Universe because of his offensive line. No, really. You ever see him try to make a play when he gets rattled? He suddenly, magically, turns into the guy who backed up Brian Griese at Michigan. But when those O-line man-beasts, who were obviously genetically engineered at MIT, do their job -- he's Mr. Do-No-Wrong! Throw in the Molotov cocktail mix of Randy Moss versus the Miami Dolphins secondary and .... KA-BLOOOM!!!!
Our pass rush has been horrendous all year. Our secondary has been even more abysmal.
That's the difference this year. That's why, as much as I really, really, really, really, really, really, really want this game. I mean I really want this game. I mean I'll gladly accept an 1-15 season if it means we get to have this game ... I'm not going into it with any kind of hope or expectation whatsoever.
And neither should you. Two teams headed in the exact opposite direction are meeting in Miami on Sunday.
Oh and one more thing. Because it bares repeating. Jason Allen. Cameron Worrell.
I'm warning you, fellow Dolphins fans. Don't be foolish and live in the past. Go into this game with sub zero expectations, and you'll have a pleasant Sunday afternoon. Trust me.
Keys to the Game: Somebody take out Brady's knee. There's 30 bucks in it for you!
Prediction: Dolphins 17 - Patriots
444 1 23 435 800 1,111 87 140 38
No, seriously. Look at him. A fucking snow cap in 89 degree weather. What a fucking douche!