This week has been one big love-in for The Golden God and Man-Boobs. But now it's time to talk some football, which is a little unfortunate because I was rather enjoying all the good-vibes banter. But, it's back to the business of ass-kicking. And boy do we have ourselves a whopper of an ass to kick this week.
As I noted earlier this week, the NFL tipped their hand in showing just how much they love the Patriots and their so-far perfect season by moving this game -- which was originally scheduled for 1:00 EST -- to 4:00 EST. Roger Goodell was creaming his pants at the prospect of 14-0 facing off against 0-14. And don't give me that shit about flex games. Everyone knows the majority of Sunday's games are played at 1:00. The NFL wanted to get this shit on as many televisions as possible (ironically, their own network reaches only like 14 people nation-wide). But the Dolphins crashed the party by beating the Ravens last week. Again, fuck you NFL. I cannot state that more implicitly. Fuck. You. NFL.
So now it comes down to the lowly one-win Dolphins traveling to
beautiful cold-ass-fuck-shit-wind-and-sleet-thank-Christ-I-live-in-Miami Foxboro to take their shot at ending the Patriots' perfecto and protecting the honor of the '72 Dolphins. Can it be done? Will it be done?
Well, this just in: The Patriots are a pretty good football team. Which is fine except that it's a team comprised of the biggest douchebags that have ever walked the face of the planet. Their quarterback is the biggest douche of em all. His name in Swahili litterally translates to: "He Who Is Lord of the Douches." It's true. I found it on Wikipedia. Not to mention their fans. Oh Jesus. Most hated fanbase in all of America. And mind you, this is a list that includes Philly fans, New York fans, Detroit fans, and the occasional Lakers fan. That's a mighty big achievement, Boston sports fans! Meh. They still don't get it.
As for the Dolphins... Winning changes everything. This team has adopted a new attitude and a new slogan for winning, as opposed to the most recent, but since discarded, slogan: We Suck Monkey Ass And It Shows!
Some fans are hoping the Fins can carry this momentum into Sunday and pull off the impossible. Hey, the Ravens almost did it and we just beat them! But the Dolphins are undermanned, still have issues in the secondary and are placing cardboard cut-outs in the middle linebacker position. They still have Cleo Lemon and they still have an aging defensive line. The odds are stacked against us like never before. Which means... no, they can't do it.
Unless, of course, they can.
Dolphins 24-Patriots 21
Because, fuck them.