Channing Crowder crashed his 2007 pickup truck on the Florida Turnpike at 5:15 this morning. And then left the scene.
Just once it would be awesome if the Dolphins made the news in a way that didn't remind us all what a bunch of fuck ups they are. But here it is:
[Crowder] said, he lost control of the pickup at the rain-slicked Hollywood Boulevard exit, slamming into a tree. And yes, rather than wait around in the rain, he caught a ride home, leaving the crunched truck on the roadside, -- gun, crutches and all. Crowder's personal property, including the firearm, was returned to him. As for the crutches? Crowder had arthroscopic surgery on his right knee near the end of the Dolphins' dismal season.
He crashed then got a ride home? That's it? This story had promise when it was first reported that his truck was found abandoned and that cops discovered a gun and crutches in it. It had murder-mystery written all over it!
Instead, it turns out Crowder just can't fucking drive. He crashed the car, someone probably pulled over to help and realized it was Channing Crowder. "Hey! Aren't you Channing Crowder?" the guy asked. Crowder, thinking the guy was probably a cop, then said to him, "Um, no speaka English" and limped away. The guy then offered him a ride home and Crowder then said, "Shit yea motherfucka!"
End of story.
Some will likely wonder if Crowder had been drinking. But I say nah. The most likely scenario is that Crowder steers a car the same way he tackles -- with his feet.