This is a football franchise. We are in the business of kicking other football franchise's asses. But business has been bad. And by bad, I mean spectacularly shitty.
Enter Jeff Ireland, the single most important hiring this team has seen -- and will see -- in a long, long time. Because no matter who Parcells gets as head coach, Ireland is going to be the straw that stirs the drink. I don't buy into the myth of the Uber-Head Coach like Vince Lombardi or Bill Belichick (I do, however, buy into the myth of unicorns). I don't believe in sideline geniuses. I believe in talent. Belichick looks like a genius because he has Tom Brady. Tony Dungy still has a job because he has Peyton Manning and Marvin Harrison. Mike Shanahan was at one point lauded as a "genius." He lost John Elway and Terrel Davis to retirement -- poof! -- magically, he's no longer a "genius" (however, magically, his head is shrinking!) How many Super Bowls would Jimmy Johnson have won without Troy Aikman or Emmit Smith? You get my point. Bring in the players, and we'll win. Need more proof? Wade. Fucking. Phillips. Nuff said.
So Ireland is now the new general manager for your Miami Dolphins. We're all counting on the power of his nerdlyness to build us a winner. The good news: his track record is pretty awesome. Working under Parcells as either a scout or head of scouting in Dallas the last few years, Ireland helped draft players like S Roy Williams, C Andre Gurode, CB Terrence Newman, TE Jason Witten, WR Patrick Crayton, NTJay Ratliff, LB DeMarcus Ware, RB Julius Jones and RB Marion Barber, to name a few.
Pretty sick track record if you ask me. Pair that up with Parcells' own talent-evaluation mojo (Tony Romo, John Abraham, etc.) and you've got yourself a kick-ass combo of two football nerds with winners credentials up the ying-yang.
I'm a nerd with excellent winners credentials myself. For starters, I own all of the Lord of the Rings special features DVDs, I have every original issue of X-Men (in mint condition!), and my first ever boner was for the green lady from Star Trek. Call me ladies!