Fins Nation: A Miami Dolphins Blog With Dick Jokes

Weekender: Free Agency Open Thread

So that I don�t have to keep posting stuff all the livelong day (and weekend), I�m just going keep updating Dolphins free agent stuff here on this post as they happen.

As you have done before, feel free to add your own news in the comments as you get it. You guys have been bringing it strong all off-season long. You guys are true fans. You guys are, quite possibly, the tits.

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Sunday, 11:53 AM: The Tuna is denying the Yahoo! Sports Jason Cole report that Jason Taylor's days with Miami are done. Parcells says JT will be a Dolphin in 2008 unless the DE chooses to retire. Parcells then verbal-rapes Jason Cole's report as only Parcells can: "This latest report is just another example of journalistic irresponsibility."

Continue Reading Free Agency Open Thread >>

Weekender: Free Agency Open Thread

So that I don’t have to keep posting stuff all the livelong day (and weekend), I’m just going keep updating Dolphins free agent stuff here on this post as they happen.

As you have done before, feel free to add your own news in the comments as you get it. You guys have been bringing it strong all off-season long. You guys are true fans. You guys are, quite possibly, the tits.

***
Sunday, 11:53 AM: The Tuna is denying the Yahoo! Sports Jason Cole report that Jason Taylor's days with Miami are done. Parcells says JT will be a Dolphin in 2008 unless the DE chooses to retire. Parcells then verbal-rapes Jason Cole's report as only Parcells can: "This latest report is just another example of journalistic irresponsibility."

Continue Reading Free Agency Open Thread >>

Fins Could Throw Some Money at Calvin

Cardinals free agent linebacker Calvin Pace is expected to visit the Fins today (along with Godsquad QB Josh McCown). FOXSports.com is saying that Parcells & Co. are preparing to offer Pace Joey Porter money.

"Miami is preparing to offer Pace the same kind of mega-deal that linebackers Adalius Thomas and Joey Porter received in free agency last off-season. New England and Miami signed Thomas and Porter respectively to five-year, $32 million contracts that included $20 million in guaranteed money."

Pace was the 18th overall pick in 2003 by Arizona. Incidentally, Parcells took Terrence Newman with the 5th overall pick that year. Also incidentally, the Cowboys signed an undrafted QB from Eastern Illinois, Tony Romo.

Calvin Pace struggled playing in the 4-3 system with the Cards. He was also featured as a defensive end. But last season, after being moved to outside linebacker in the 3-4 scheme, Pace had a career year. He was highly touted when he came out of college and is one of the top free agent linebackers in the market (No. 4 in my rankings).

But Joey Porter money? Really? I don't know, man. I just don't know. All I know is that a chick with a really nice ass and a killer rack that I've never seen before just walked past my cubicle. Who is she? What is she doing here? And, more importantly, is she free for lunch? And, even more important, does she do Jello shots? Fear not. I'm going to get to the bottom of this. Talk amongst yourselves.

Fins Could Throw Some Money at Calvin

Cardinals free agent linebacker Calvin Pace is expected to visit the Fins today (along with Godsquad QB Josh McCown). FOXSports.com is saying that Parcells & Co. are preparing to offer Pace Joey Porter money.

"Miami is preparing to offer Pace the same kind of mega-deal that linebackers Adalius Thomas and Joey Porter received in free agency last off-season. New England and Miami signed Thomas and Porter respectively to five-year, $32 million contracts that included $20 million in guaranteed money."

Pace was the 18th overall pick in 2003 by Arizona. Incidentally, Parcells took Terrence Newman with the 5th overall pick that year. Also incidentally, the Cowboys signed an undrafted QB from Eastern Illinois, Tony Romo.

Calvin Pace struggled playing in the 4-3 system with the Cards. He was also featured as a defensive end. But last season, after being moved to outside linebacker in the 3-4 scheme, Pace had a career year. He was highly touted when he came out of college and is one of the top free agent linebackers in the market (No. 4 in my rankings).

But Joey Porter money? Really? I don't know, man. I just don't know. All I know is that a chick with a really nice ass and a killer rack that I've never seen before just walked past my cubicle. Who is she? What is she doing here? And, more importantly, is she free for lunch? And, even more important, does she do Jello shots? Fear not. I'm going to get to the bottom of this. Talk amongst yourselves.

Fins Sign Justin Smiley

The Dolphins kicked off the free agency period by signing a guy none of us had mentioned or talked about: former 49ers guard Justin Smiley. Smiley is 26 and will replace Rex Hadnot at right guard. Hmm. 26 and replaces Rex. I like him already!

The contract is worth five-years, $25 million with a $9 million signing bonus. Smiley is coming off a torn labrum and was placed on injured reserve by the 49ers in November, but will be ready to roll come training camp.

Justin Smiley is considered an athletic lineman with good upside. He's also a big dude: 6-3, 311 lbs. So, good start to the free agency period, I'd say.

Fins Sign Justin Smiley

The Dolphins kicked off the free agency period by signing a guy none of us had mentioned or talked about: former 49ers guard Justin Smiley. Smiley is 26 and will replace Rex Hadnot at right guard. Hmm. 26 and replaces Rex. I like him already!

The contract is worth five-years, $25 million with a $9 million signing bonus. Smiley is coming off a torn labrum and was placed on injured reserve by the 49ers in November, but will be ready to roll come training camp.

Justin Smiley is considered an athletic lineman with good upside. He's also a big dude: 6-3, 311 lbs. So, good start to the free agency period, I'd say.

Bill Parcells Continues His Man-Crush on Shaun Rogers

Armando Salguero is reporting that the Dolphins are one of five teams currently pursuing a trade with the Lions for NT Shaun Rogers.

The genius that is Matt Millen is likely asking for a 2nd round pick for Rogers. But I think a high 3rd is more appropriate. The Fins have two second rounders, and Salguero suggests that the 2nd second-round pick they got from the Whale's Vagina San Diego for Butters McGee Chambers would do the trick.

Rogers is a dominant player when he wants to be. And, at 28, is still at an age where he can keep producing for many seasons to come. But the guy has built a reputation for being a loafer. He plays hard when he feels like it and he shuts down when things aren't going well. I guess both playing for the Lions and living in Detroit will do that to a man. But, things aren't all roses and sunshine down in Dolphinland either.

Also, Rogers likes to play May I Stick My Face Between Your Tits and Blow? with strippers without their permission. This is bad. He also throws down a few cheeseburgers and whole turkeys from time to time, just because he can. This is not so bad. But it is bad when you're in the middle of an NFL season.

But ever since Parcells was coaching the Cowboys, he's been enamored with Rogers. And as soon as the Lions announced that they were putting him on the trading block, many assumed the Dolphins would be right in the mix for his services. And they apparently are.

If Parcells is as in-love with Shaun Rogers as everyone says he is, then I guess the Dolphins need to be considered one the favorites to land him. As long as we don't give up too much for him, I'm cool with it. Last time I checked, we are in dire need of a defensive tackle and Rogers, when he decides to turn it on, is one of the league's best.

So, go get him Tuna. Just don't give up too much. And watch your tits.

Bill Parcells Continues His Man-Crush on Shaun Rogers

Armando Salguero is reporting that the Dolphins are one of five teams currently pursuing a trade with the Lions for NT Shaun Rogers.

The genius that is Matt Millen is likely asking for a 2nd round pick for Rogers. But I think a high 3rd is more appropriate. The Fins have two second rounders, and Salguero suggests that the 2nd second-round pick they got from the Whale's Vagina San Diego for Butters McGee Chambers would do the trick.

Rogers is a dominant player when he wants to be. And, at 28, is still at an age where he can keep producing for many seasons to come. But the guy has built a reputation for being a loafer. He plays hard when he feels like it and he shuts down when things aren't going well. I guess both playing for the Lions and living in Detroit will do that to a man. But, things aren't all roses and sunshine down in Dolphinland either.

Also, Rogers likes to play May I Stick My Face Between Your Tits and Blow? with strippers without their permission. This is bad. He also throws down a few cheeseburgers and whole turkeys from time to time, just because he can. This is not so bad. But it is bad when you're in the middle of an NFL season.

But ever since Parcells was coaching the Cowboys, he's been enamored with Rogers. And as soon as the Lions announced that they were putting him on the trading block, many assumed the Dolphins would be right in the mix for his services. And they apparently are.

If Parcells is as in-love with Shaun Rogers as everyone says he is, then I guess the Dolphins need to be considered one the favorites to land him. As long as we don't give up too much for him, I'm cool with it. Last time I checked, we are in dire need of a defensive tackle and Rogers, when he decides to turn it on, is one of the league's best.

So, go get him Tuna. Just don't give up too much. And watch your tits.

Free Agency Talk

   

Free agency starts Friday and the Dolphins have 40 mill to blow. It's like the Dudette with my credit/debit card on the day after Thanksgiving. But about $40 million less than what I actually have. Here's the latest:

Forget seeing Rex Hadnot or Chris Liwienski in a Fins uniform ever again. Why? Because Miami has no interest in bringing back guys with a dog's name and the name of a woman who blew the president, respectively. Oh and the fact that they were shitty is also a reason. This means that Flozell Adams and Alan Faneca are both on Parcells' radar. But the demand will be huge for both of those guys. This means Miami could be left with targeting Jason Fabini, Jamar Nesbit, Kwame Harris, Jacob Bell, and Floyd Womack. All big, all beefy, all juicy. That's what Parcells looks for in men offensive linemen. So we'll see.

Meanwhile, according to his agent, Pats cornerback Asante Samuel said that he'd love to hear from his hometown Dolphins. I think he'd pretty much would love to hear from whomever is stupid enough to give him the $11 million annual contract he's looking for. Better to focus on trying to sign Jacques Reeves, whom I wrote about a couple of weeks ago. There's also a rumor going around that the Fins have Pats safety Eugene Wilson in their sights. The Dolphins tried calling him directly at his home, but Wilson injured himself trying to answer his phone and is reportedly out 4-6 weeks*

The Herald is reporting that 49ers defensive end Marques Douglas is on Miami's wishlist. Douglas is an excellent run-stuffer and built to play in the 3-4 scheme. Last year he recorded 72 tackles (56 solo) and 3 sacks. We need run-stuffers like a traveling salesman needs a hooker. Real bad.

As for QB, our dream of living in a Cleo-Lemon-free world is getting closer and closer each day, as there has been no interest from the Tuna in re-signing him. Other than that, there has been very little to report on what the FO will do here. Not much to choose from, really. Josh McCown, Daunte Culpepper, Billy Volek, Byron Leftwich. Damn. Parcells will pull a whole live chicken out his ass before he finds us a stable QB who isn't a rookie, or inexperienced, or a complete bed shitter. So hunker down and get used to us still being a team with no immediate answer at quarterback. Unless he works out a trade.

At receiver, the Fins issued a tender to keep The Mexican Golden God. No word yet on who they're interested in the WR free agency pool. But there are some solid names out there. I'd like us to sign Bryant Johnson, Jerry Porter, or Andre Davis -- in that order. I guess we'll see.

That's the latest on the whole free agency orgy extravaganza that'll kick off midnight Friday. Should be wild and crazy... Your thoughts below.
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*this is not entirely accurate, in that I made that part up.

Free Agency Talk

   

Free agency starts Friday and the Dolphins have 40 mill to blow. It's like the Dudette with my credit/debit card on the day after Thanksgiving. But about $40 million less than what I actually have. Here's the latest:

Forget seeing Rex Hadnot or Chris Liwienski in a Fins uniform ever again. Why? Because Miami has no interest in bringing back guys with a dog's name and the name of a woman who blew the president, respectively. Oh and the fact that they were shitty is also a reason. This means that Flozell Adams and Alan Faneca are both on Parcells' radar. But the demand will be huge for both of those guys. This means Miami could be left with targeting Jason Fabini, Jamar Nesbit, Kwame Harris, Jacob Bell, and Floyd Womack. All big, all beefy, all juicy. That's what Parcells looks for in men offensive linemen. So we'll see.

Meanwhile, according to his agent, Pats cornerback Asante Samuel said that he'd love to hear from his hometown Dolphins. I think he'd pretty much would love to hear from whomever is stupid enough to give him the $11 million annual contract he's looking for. Better to focus on trying to sign Jacques Reeves, whom I wrote about a couple of weeks ago. There's also a rumor going around that the Fins have Pats safety Eugene Wilson in their sights. The Dolphins tried calling him directly at his home, but Wilson injured himself trying to answer his phone and is reportedly out 4-6 weeks*

The Herald is reporting that 49ers defensive end Marques Douglas is on Miami's wishlist. Douglas is an excellent run-stuffer and built to play in the 3-4 scheme. Last year he recorded 72 tackles (56 solo) and 3 sacks. We need run-stuffers like a traveling salesman needs a hooker. Real bad.

As for QB, our dream of living in a Cleo-Lemon-free world is getting closer and closer each day, as there has been no interest from the Tuna in re-signing him. Other than that, there has been very little to report on what the FO will do here. Not much to choose from, really. Josh McCown, Daunte Culpepper, Billy Volek, Byron Leftwich. Damn. Parcells will pull a whole live chicken out his ass before he finds us a stable QB who isn't a rookie, or inexperienced, or a complete bed shitter. So hunker down and get used to us still being a team with no immediate answer at quarterback. Unless he works out a trade.

At receiver, the Fins issued a tender to keep The Mexican Golden God. No word yet on who they're interested in the WR free agency pool. But there are some solid names out there. I'd like us to sign Bryant Johnson, Jerry Porter, or Andre Davis -- in that order. I guess we'll see.

That's the latest on the whole free agency orgy extravaganza that'll kick off midnight Friday. Should be wild and crazy... Your thoughts below.
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*this is not entirely accurate, in that I made that part up.