Fins Nation: A Miami Dolphins Blog With Dick Jokes

Weekender: Ahh, Bibiana

Have a great weekend, Nation.

I leave you with Bibiana and Lilly.

Make out! MAKE OUT!!!

(Bigger pics and slide show here.)

Weekender: Ahh, Bibiana

Have a great weekend, Nation.

I leave you with Bibiana and Lilly.

Make out! MAKE OUT!!!

(Bigger pics and slide show here.)

Picking First Sucks

Bill Parcells confirmed with the New York Daily News this week that he is, in fact, willing to trade out of the first overall pick. We all would like him to do this for a number of reasons -- mainly to get more picks so he can have more flexibility to fix our numerous problems. Also, because there isn't one player in this draft class that screams out must-draft-franchise-player. Chris Long, Jake Long, Matt Ryan, Glenn Dorsey, Vernon Gholston -- all the top prospects -- are great players. But they're not franchise changing, cornerstone players. They're the kind of players you would add to football team with a weakness or two. They're the kind of solid players you'd draft in the middle portion of the first round in any other year. But, of course, since the Dolphins hold the first overall pick this year and since God hates the Dolphins, the fact is this is what we have to choose from this year. Sigh.

Recent history tells us that drafting No. 1 overall does not favor the Dolphins. According to this SI article, teams that pick in the top ten are usually doing so for a long, long time. Mainly this is because the system is all kinds of shades of fucked up. You've got a player coming out of college who basically amounts to a prospect and right off the bat, you gotta pay him $30 million guaranteed. And yet you really have no idea if the guy you just drafted is Super Bowl winning, record-breaking, commercial starring Peyton Manning or dog killing, weed-in-a-fake-water-bottle carrying, flipping off the fans Michael Vick. And the amount of money the top pick in the draft gets increases every year.

In my opinion, the only clear solution is for the owners and the player's union to come up with some kind of rookie salary cap. Then these insane gobs of money won't be blown on shit-the-bed busts like David Carr, or Alex Smith, or Robert Gallery, or Cedric Benson, or (gasp!) Ronnie Brown, until they prove they're worth a damn and can then be given an extension or a re-structured contract. How many good proven vets have the Dolphins been forced to waive for salary cap reasons because they owe Jason Allen's sorry sack of shit no-talent ass big draft money? It's a crazy-ass system and it's flawed because of the way the market flows and it needs to stop with... Wait.

What am I doing?

Bill Belichick is a dickbag!

Whew. That's more like it.

Anyway, Parcells needs to get up in somebody's ass and get them to trade for the number one pick.

Picking First Sucks

Bill Parcells confirmed with the New York Daily News this week that he is, in fact, willing to trade out of the first overall pick. We all would like him to do this for a number of reasons -- mainly to get more picks so he can have more flexibility to fix our numerous problems. Also, because there isn't one player in this draft class that screams out must-draft-franchise-player. Chris Long, Jake Long, Matt Ryan, Glenn Dorsey, Vernon Gholston -- all the top prospects -- are great players. But they're not franchise changing, cornerstone players. They're the kind of players you would add to football team with a weakness or two. They're the kind of solid players you'd draft in the middle portion of the first round in any other year. But, of course, since the Dolphins hold the first overall pick this year and since God hates the Dolphins, the fact is this is what we have to choose from this year. Sigh.

Recent history tells us that drafting No. 1 overall does not favor the Dolphins. According to this SI article, teams that pick in the top ten are usually doing so for a long, long time. Mainly this is because the system is all kinds of shades of fucked up. You've got a player coming out of college who basically amounts to a prospect and right off the bat, you gotta pay him $30 million guaranteed. And yet you really have no idea if the guy you just drafted is Super Bowl winning, record-breaking, commercial starring Peyton Manning or dog killing, weed-in-a-fake-water-bottle carrying, flipping off the fans Michael Vick. And the amount of money the top pick in the draft gets increases every year.

In my opinion, the only clear solution is for the owners and the player's union to come up with some kind of rookie salary cap. Then these insane gobs of money won't be blown on shit-the-bed busts like David Carr, or Alex Smith, or Robert Gallery, or Cedric Benson, or (gasp!) Ronnie Brown, until they prove they're worth a damn and can then be given an extension or a re-structured contract. How many good proven vets have the Dolphins been forced to waive for salary cap reasons because they owe Jason Allen's sorry sack of shit no-talent ass big draft money? It's a crazy-ass system and it's flawed because of the way the market flows and it needs to stop with... Wait.

What am I doing?

Bill Belichick is a dickbag!

Whew. That's more like it.

Anyway, Parcells needs to get up in somebody's ass and get them to trade for the number one pick.

The Fins Will Draft Matt Ryan. Maybe.

ESPN's Matt Mosley says that the Dolphins are going to draft DE Chris Long. Unless they draft QB Matt Ryan:

"The Miami Dolphins are the most tight-lipped organization in football right now. Bill Parcells broke his silence to say a few words to New York Daily News columnist Gary Myers last week, but it wasn't anything particularly revealing. The Dolphins would prefer trading out of the pick, but they won't find a willing partner. I have Miami choosing Virginia defensive end Chris Long right now, but Boston College quarterback Matt Ryan is still a strong possibility. I think Ryan has the intangibles that Parcells is looking for, and it wouldn't be the first time the former head coach drafted a quarterback No. 1 overall (Drew Bledsoe).

I'm told that Parcells has spent hours pouring over tape of Ryan and that he and GM Jeff Ireland have talked to pretty much anyone who's been associated with him. If the Dolphins can reach an agreement with Ryan before the draft, I think they take him. If not, they'll stick with Long."

There are also rumblings that the Dolphins like Michigan QB Chad Henne, whom they reportedly worked out on Tuesday. They also plan to attend USC QB John David Booty's workout. Also, Omar Kelly tells us not to count out LSU DT Glenn Dorsey as the guy the Fins get. Meanwhile, Louisville QB Brian Brohm enters the fray as the fastest QB in this class (4.61 40) and with an identical Wonderlic score as Ryan. And don't forget that Michigan OT Jake Long is still very much a possibility.   

So, to recap in case you're just joining us: We still have no fucking clue who the Dolphins will draft first.

Jesus this off-season is boring and monotonous. Getting poked in the face with a monkey's dick would be a hundred times more interesting than this shit right about now. In fact... yea... fuck it... I'm off to the zoo!

The Fins Will Draft Matt Ryan. Maybe.

ESPN's Matt Mosley says that the Dolphins are going to draft DE Chris Long. Unless they draft QB Matt Ryan:

"The Miami Dolphins are the most tight-lipped organization in football right now. Bill Parcells broke his silence to say a few words to New York Daily News columnist Gary Myers last week, but it wasn't anything particularly revealing. The Dolphins would prefer trading out of the pick, but they won't find a willing partner. I have Miami choosing Virginia defensive end Chris Long right now, but Boston College quarterback Matt Ryan is still a strong possibility. I think Ryan has the intangibles that Parcells is looking for, and it wouldn't be the first time the former head coach drafted a quarterback No. 1 overall (Drew Bledsoe).

I'm told that Parcells has spent hours pouring over tape of Ryan and that he and GM Jeff Ireland have talked to pretty much anyone who's been associated with him. If the Dolphins can reach an agreement with Ryan before the draft, I think they take him. If not, they'll stick with Long."

There are also rumblings that the Dolphins like Michigan QB Chad Henne, whom they reportedly worked out on Tuesday. They also plan to attend USC QB John David Booty's workout. Also, Omar Kelly tells us not to count out LSU DT Glenn Dorsey as the guy the Fins get. Meanwhile, Louisville QB Brian Brohm enters the fray as the fastest QB in this class (4.61 40) and with an identical Wonderlic score as Ryan. And don't forget that Michigan OT Jake Long is still very much a possibility.   

So, to recap in case you're just joining us: We still have no fucking clue who the Dolphins will draft first.

Jesus this off-season is boring and monotonous. Getting poked in the face with a monkey's dick would be a hundred times more interesting than this shit right about now. In fact... yea... fuck it... I'm off to the zoo!

Jason Taylor Is The Mambo King, Bitch

Jason Taylor once again kicked some dancy ass on Dancing With the Stars last night. He danced the Mambo and  impressed the judges with his nimble feet and devilish good looks. He also scored a 9 from all three judges! Tonight is double-elimination night. Two contestants will be gone by the end of the evening. Also gone: my dignity.

Meanwhile, I just discovered that JT has his own blog on ESPN chronicling his adventures in dancing. It's pretty interesting stuff if you have nothing better to do. And by nothing better to do I mean shoving a plunger up some random person's ass or picking your toes. Here's an excerpt:

"The only time I'd ever danced�before going on this show�I ended up in the hospital. I was doing the Michael Jackson dance from "Thriller" when I was 11, spun around and fell face-first on a speaker in my house. I was bleeding between the eyes. It's still the most visible scar I've got on my body."

All this time I thought that scar above JT's nose was a result of some routine weekend of wrestling pumas or rescuing orphans from grizzly bears. Or at least something acquired during a football game. But alas, he got it the most stupid way imaginable. And what the hell were those speakers made of? Rocks?

Still it's good to know JT was just as clumsy and just as liable to trip over a cat or some shit and break his teeth as I was when I was 11. This makes me feel better about me. Still. The hospital? My Dad has a saying whenever something bad happens. He says "Puta!" Which means "Bitch!" in Spanish. So, as a child, whenever I would fall and bust my head and blood ran down my face from my fractured hemorrhaging skull, I wouldn't get a trip to the hospital. I'd get a robust "Puta!" followed by a kick in the ass and then an order to go fetch another bottle of beer from the fridge.

So, to sum up, the 11 year old me was a badass while the 11 year old Jason Taylor was a bit of a pussy. Of course, things have changed over the years. Jason Taylor can now pretty much pummel me into a fine powder, earns millions of dollars playing football, serves tirelessly and give to children's charities, is beloved by women everywhere and dances with hot chicks for cash and prizes. Me? I'm a blogger with pretty cool collection of 1960's nudie playing cards. Check out the 3 of clubs! Lady's got nipples the size of silver dollar pancakes!!  

Anyway, if you can, please vote for JT tonight by texting 3402 so he can bring home the cup, or trophy or whatever the hell they award these people at the end of the season.

Jason Taylor Is The Mambo King, Bitch

Jason Taylor once again kicked some dancy ass on Dancing With the Stars last night. He danced the Mambo and  impressed the judges with his nimble feet and devilish good looks. He also scored a 9 from all three judges! Tonight is double-elimination night. Two contestants will be gone by the end of the evening. Also gone: my dignity.

Meanwhile, I just discovered that JT has his own blog on ESPN chronicling his adventures in dancing. It's pretty interesting stuff if you have nothing better to do. And by nothing better to do I mean shoving a plunger up some random person's ass or picking your toes. Here's an excerpt:

"The only time I'd ever danced—before going on this show—I ended up in the hospital. I was doing the Michael Jackson dance from "Thriller" when I was 11, spun around and fell face-first on a speaker in my house. I was bleeding between the eyes. It's still the most visible scar I've got on my body."

All this time I thought that scar above JT's nose was a result of some routine weekend of wrestling pumas or rescuing orphans from grizzly bears. Or at least something acquired during a football game. But alas, he got it the most stupid way imaginable. And what the hell were those speakers made of? Rocks?

Still it's good to know JT was just as clumsy and just as liable to trip over a cat or some shit and break his teeth as I was when I was 11. This makes me feel better about me. Still. The hospital? My Dad has a saying whenever something bad happens. He says "Puta!" Which means "Bitch!" in Spanish. So, as a child, whenever I would fall and bust my head and blood ran down my face from my fractured hemorrhaging skull, I wouldn't get a trip to the hospital. I'd get a robust "Puta!" followed by a kick in the ass and then an order to go fetch another bottle of beer from the fridge.

So, to sum up, the 11 year old me was a badass while the 11 year old Jason Taylor was a bit of a pussy. Of course, things have changed over the years. Jason Taylor can now pretty much pummel me into a fine powder, earns millions of dollars playing football, serves tirelessly and give to children's charities, is beloved by women everywhere and dances with hot chicks for cash and prizes. Me? I'm a blogger with pretty cool collection of 1960's nudie playing cards. Check out the 3 of clubs! Lady's got nipples the size of silver dollar pancakes!!  

Anyway, if you can, please vote for JT tonight by texting 3402 so he can bring home the cup, or trophy or whatever the hell they award these people at the end of the season.

2008 Dolphins Mock Draft

   

I�ve been writing about the Dolphins draft in one form or another since 2005. More often than not, I have been right, they have been wrong. A quick re-cap:

2005: I said the Fins should draft Braylon Edwards. They took Ronnie Brown instead. Now, Edwards is blowing shit up in Cleveland while Brown is blowing up his knee and has yet to finish an entire season.

2006: I said the Fins should try to trade up for Jay Cutler. If not, then draft Antonio Cromartie. They took Jason Allen instead. Now, Cromartie holds the record for longest TD in NFL history, is a Pro Bowler and is generally regarded as one of the best corners in the NFL. Allen is, well, you know....

2007: I said the Fins should draft either Patrick Willis or Brady Quinn. We all know what happened after that.

So now, I�m calling the Dolphins to target two guys: Vernon Gholston and Brian Brohm. Fat fucking chance that happens.

Anyway, here now, my Fins 2008 mock draft. Ah, yes, the mock draft. The most arbitrary, capricious waste of time a blog or website can subjugate upon its readers. So let�s do it, shall we!

1. DE Chris Long, Virginia: As much as I�d rather we take Vernon Gholston, this does seem the safest pick to make at No. 1. And everyone seems to love Long. Long is good. Long is great. Chicks dig the Long. So, I'll cave with convention and say Chris Long. But Chris Long better be fucking be exactly like his Dad is all I'm saying. I mean exactly. He needs to have a Hall of Fame career, lead our defense to at least one Super Bowl victory, get that same shitty buzz cut, make pickup truck commercials and star in shitty straight-to-DVD movies.

2 (#32). QB Brian Brohm, Louisville: The Dolphins are going to take a QB somewhere in this draft. That doesn�t mean I�ve given up on John Beck. I haven�t. But it�s just the way it�s gonna be. My personal favorite QB in this class is Brohm. Brohm brings 30+ games started in college, a 65% completion percentage and tremendous athleticism as well as loins of steel. In my opinion, he�s better than Ryan, Joe Flacco and Chad Henne. And there�s no rhyme or reason as to why his stock has plummeted. The injury history is not a problem for me, either. If teams pass on him to fill other needs in the first round, Brohm becomes a bargain here and we have to take him. That�s all there is to it. Brian Brohm is what you want in a franchise QB. Again, I love me some Mormon. But when the most important position in all of football has been neglected and seriously fucked over with for the past decade, you need to stock up on as many potential franchise QBs as you can until someone emerges. My money�s on Brohm.

Continue Reading 2008 Dolphins Mock Draft>>

2008 Dolphins Mock Draft

   

I’ve been writing about the Dolphins draft in one form or another since 2005. More often than not, I have been right, they have been wrong. A quick re-cap:

2005: I said the Fins should draft Braylon Edwards. They took Ronnie Brown instead. Now, Edwards is blowing shit up in Cleveland while Brown is blowing up his knee and has yet to finish an entire season.

2006: I said the Fins should try to trade up for Jay Cutler. If not, then draft Antonio Cromartie. They took Jason Allen instead. Now, Cromartie holds the record for longest TD in NFL history, is a Pro Bowler and is generally regarded as one of the best corners in the NFL. Allen is, well, you know....

2007: I said the Fins should draft either Patrick Willis or Brady Quinn. We all know what happened after that.

So now, I’m calling the Dolphins to target two guys: Vernon Gholston and Brian Brohm. Fat fucking chance that happens.

Anyway, here now, my Fins 2008 mock draft. Ah, yes, the mock draft. The most arbitrary, capricious waste of time a blog or website can subjugate upon its readers. So let’s do it, shall we!

1. DE Chris Long, Virginia: As much as I’d rather we take Vernon Gholston, this does seem the safest pick to make at No. 1. And everyone seems to love Long. Long is good. Long is great. Chicks dig the Long. So, I'll cave with convention and say Chris Long. But Chris Long better be fucking be exactly like his Dad is all I'm saying. I mean exactly. He needs to have a Hall of Fame career, lead our defense to at least one Super Bowl victory, get that same shitty buzz cut, make pickup truck commercials and star in shitty straight-to-DVD movies.

2 (#32). QB Brian Brohm, Louisville: The Dolphins are going to take a QB somewhere in this draft. That doesn’t mean I’ve given up on John Beck. I haven’t. But it’s just the way it’s gonna be. My personal favorite QB in this class is Brohm. Brohm brings 30+ games started in college, a 65% completion percentage and tremendous athleticism as well as loins of steel. In my opinion, he’s better than Ryan, Joe Flacco and Chad Henne. And there’s no rhyme or reason as to why his stock has plummeted. The injury history is not a problem for me, either. If teams pass on him to fill other needs in the first round, Brohm becomes a bargain here and we have to take him. That’s all there is to it. Brian Brohm is what you want in a franchise QB. Again, I love me some Mormon. But when the most important position in all of football has been neglected and seriously fucked over with for the past decade, you need to stock up on as many potential franchise QBs as you can until someone emerges. My money’s on Brohm.

Continue Reading 2008 Dolphins Mock Draft>>