Here's what happened over the weekend while you wondered why your Emperor's Club "order" was a no-show:
Jason Taylor appears on satellite radio, says he's staying in Miami, walks off doing jazz hands
Taylor told Sirius Satellite radio hosts Vic Carucci and Dan Leberfeld that Miami is where he wants to be. This has really become the most annoying story of the off-season. It's been a slow time for news and some are speculating that Bill Parcells is all pissy about JT's off-season shenanigans and will therefore trade him away because of his cavorting with fast dames on some god damned fruity television program. That'll show him! Look, this thing won't get resolved until either one of two things happen: A.) Jason Taylor gets traded or B.) Jason Taylor is in a Dolphins uniform on Opening Week in September. AND THAT'S IT! The media needs to seriously quit trying to figure this out. And the media needs to seriously stop doing these kinds of columns. No, seriously. Stop.
Meanwhile, tonight is JT's debut on Dancing With the Stars. You can see some video and photos on his MySpace page, where I continue to be his BFF (after the "Vote for JT", "Edyta" his dance partner, and the "DWS Season 6" pages. ::claps, giggles and hops up and down::). This Edyta chick seems somewhat hot. But she also sounds mind numbingly annoying. Won't surprise me in the least if JT ends up tossing her across the room like a sack of game-worn Vernon Carey jockstraps once she finally gets on his last nerve. JT has no tolerance for bullshit. Anyway, catch the 2 hour premiere (Jesus! 2 fucking hours??!!) tonight on ABC! And be sure to vote for JT by texting 34343.
Parcells keeps building the Special Teams unit. Other units can go fuck themsevles
The Fins signed former Bengals WR Tab Perry, prompting two questions: Why are we only building up the special teams and neglecting our other needs? And, why would anyone name their kid Tab? Bill obviously has other plans that do not include signing any more free agents as far as building the offensive line, defensive line, secondary or wide receiver units is concerned, so we'll have to wait and see. Meanwhile, take a step back, pause and reflect at what our special teams looks like now. All of a sudden, it's looking pretty damned kickass. Yea it does.
Ricky Williams is on schedule with his rehab. Bloggers, columnists and fan forums are on schedule for more shitty "Ricky-Loves-Pot!" jokes
If you recall, Ricky's comeback with the Fins lasted about 7 minutes last season before some gorilla asshole from the Steelers stepped on his shoulder. Meanwhile, Ronnie Brown's season went to the crapper after he tore his ACL. Yes, it was a lovely season. But Brown's agent says he too is on schedule with his rehab and is even doing some running. It will be great to have both Brown and Williams in the backfield next season. If both can stay healthy (I'm looking at you, Black Thunder!), that's one mighty RB combo coming from behind John Beck, or Josh McCown, or Matt Ryan, or Joe Flacco, or Chad Henne, or....