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Hey.
Nothing much going on today.
Hey.
I'll just post some random SI Swimsuit pictures. Because what the hell, right?
Hey.
Did you know Elle Macpherson gave me my first real boner? I was 7.
Hey.
I'll be posting my first Fins mock draft tomorrow, so keep an eye out for that. And now the pics, as promised (click image for bigger view).
Hey.
Nothing much going on today.
Hey.
I'll just post some random SI Swimsuit pictures. Because what the hell, right?
Hey.
Did you know Elle Macpherson gave me my first real boner? I was 7.
Hey.
I'll be posting my first Fins mock draft tomorrow, so keep an eye out for that. And now the pics, as promised (click image for bigger view).
Matt Ryan had his pro day yesterday in front of media and about 42 NFL personnel, scouts and GMs. Dolphins' director of college scouting Chris Grier and quarterbacks coach David Lee were in attendance.
Ryan worked out at BC's biggest Pro Day ever, throwing to former teammates for a mini-combine of 42 scouts and other personnel evaluators from 22 NFL teams. He completed 48 of 52 passes -- three drops, one overthrown -- from three-, five- and seven step drops, from the pocket and on the run, throwing to both sides of the field.
[Chiefs coach Herm] Edwards said it looked like Ryan was trying too hard early on, knowing that most of the scouts and reporters were there to see him.
"That's what generally happens," Edwards said. "It puts a lot of pressure on the kids, and that's good, because the game they're going to play has pressure."
Sounds like Ryan did okay. And, hey, Herm Edwards seems impressed. Many bloggers and columnists will point out Ryan's pressing, criticizing him for "trying too hard" to impress. These are the same douchenozzles that walk up to a pretty girl at a bar and say some shit like, "Hi. You may not see it by looking at me but I have a big penis. I... er... I mean... I... I'm a columnist for the guh...... shit! What I meant to say was, I want to do you because ....see how beautiful you are? I mean... damn! That was wrong. That was wrong. It's wrong to speak to a woman like that. It's also wrong to fuck a chimp. Er....uh. Or ... I don't know. Is is wrong to fuck a chimp? How does one know? Maybe they like it. So....uh, can I buy you a drink??"
Anyway... know one knows if Ryan will be a Dolphin come April. I like the guy but I won't punch anyone in the face if we don't end up drafting him. If we do, then that means there's something Bill likes about him. And none of us know anything about these things, really. And columnist and bloggers are morons. And tits are awesome. And Louis CK is a genius. And the economy sucks. I'm all about the facts, man.
Matt Ryan had his pro day yesterday in front of media and about 42 NFL personnel, scouts and GMs. Dolphins' director of college scouting Chris Grier and quarterbacks coach David Lee were in attendance.
Ryan worked out at BC's biggest Pro Day ever, throwing to former teammates for a mini-combine of 42 scouts and other personnel evaluators from 22 NFL teams. He completed 48 of 52 passes -- three drops, one overthrown -- from three-, five- and seven step drops, from the pocket and on the run, throwing to both sides of the field.
[Chiefs coach Herm] Edwards said it looked like Ryan was trying too hard early on, knowing that most of the scouts and reporters were there to see him.
"That's what generally happens," Edwards said. "It puts a lot of pressure on the kids, and that's good, because the game they're going to play has pressure."
Sounds like Ryan did okay. And, hey, Herm Edwards seems impressed. Many bloggers and columnists will point out Ryan's pressing, criticizing him for "trying too hard" to impress. These are the same douchenozzles that walk up to a pretty girl at a bar and say some shit like, "Hi. You may not see it by looking at me but I have a big penis. I... er... I mean... I... I'm a columnist for the guh...... shit! What I meant to say was, I want to do you because ....see how beautiful you are? I mean... damn! That was wrong. That was wrong. It's wrong to speak to a woman like that. It's also wrong to fuck a chimp. Er....uh. Or ... I don't know. Is is wrong to fuck a chimp? How does one know? Maybe they like it. So....uh, can I buy you a drink??"
Anyway... know one knows if Ryan will be a Dolphin come April. I like the guy but I won't punch anyone in the face if we don't end up drafting him. If we do, then that means there's something Bill likes about him. And none of us know anything about these things, really. And columnist and bloggers are morons. And tits are awesome. And Louis CK is a genius. And the economy sucks. I'm all about the facts, man.
First of all, I promised myself that Id only watch 20 minutes of the show to catch a glimpse of Jason Taylor dancing just so I can say that I watched him do this crap at least once. It would be my first and last time watching Jason Taylor frolic around in shiny pants.
If anyone asked me prior to last nights Dancing With the Stars season premiere what I thought JTs chances at winning this thing were, I wouldve told them that Jason Taylor is half-man, half cyborg-- programmed to seek and destroy his foes and adversaries and, therefore, not at all programmed to dance in a totally non-destructive manner for cash and prizes. I would have told them that hes out of his element as opposed to his regular job description: rip quarterback a new asshole, go home, have a straight grain whiskey on the rocks.
But after watching JT dance the foxtrot in front of millions of viewers, mostly whom have no earthly clue what he does for a living (Hes, like, a football player, right?), I was pleasantly surprised. I even found myself genuinely cheering for him like I do on Sundays. This was not what I expected of myself. First of all, because this show is ridiculous. And secondly, because I expected JT to come out all revved up like before a game and smash some shit up. But he didnt. Because Im so used to watching him bulldoze over 300 pound linemen, crack quarterbacks skulls in and punch the air with that hit the target celebration thingy that he does, I expected him to flop around the dance floor like a moose that had just been hit with a tranquilizer dart. Instead, JT was graceful, lithe, with a hint of charming sophistication. I was enchanted.
I was even hoping the judges would come out and agree with me that JT was all kinds of awesome and give him a perfect score, as I had already done in my heart. And while he did get favorable scores from the three judges (7-8-7), it wasnt a perfect score. That shit annoyed me to no end. I dont know if standards are usually high on the show. I dont know if theyve ever scored higher than a 9. But after they gave their respective scores, I found myself saying to the three judges -- out loud mind you, Fuck you. Fuck you. And fuck you. I was officially hooked in.
Fuck me.
After that, it became a matter of watching the other contestants and uttering to myself, Yea, Jason can pretty much kick that guys ass. Cristian de la Fuente? I have no idea who you are or what you do. But Jason Taylor can kick your Cristian de lass. Adam Carolla? Pfft. Please. Penn Jillette? Magic is stupid. Oh and Jason Taylor can kick your ass. Steve Guttenberg? Nice guy. Good guy. Jason Taylor can so kick your ass. Mario? Actually, Mario scares me a little. Kid can dance. But Jason Taylor can still kick his ass.
Anyway, it all continues next Tuesday. Anyone want to have a watch party? My house! Come on over!* We can order pizza and cheer on JT, text in our votes, and make fun of the fact that Priscilla Presley has that creepy smooth waxy face, yet flappy old lady arms and saggy body. It'll be sooo awesome!
-
*By Come on over, I mean, What are you fucking high? Its a joke!
Not a joke: Jason Taylors dance moves. Ill be so watching next week.
First of all, I promised myself that I’d only watch 20 minutes of the show to catch a glimpse of Jason Taylor dancing just so I can say that I watched him do this crap at least once. It would be my first and last time watching Jason Taylor frolic around in shiny pants.
If anyone asked me prior to last night’s Dancing With the Stars season premiere what I thought JT’s chances at winning this thing were, I would’ve told them that Jason Taylor is half-man, half cyborg-- programmed to seek and destroy his foes and adversaries and, therefore, not at all programmed to dance in a totally non-destructive manner for cash and prizes. I would have told them that he’s out of his element – as opposed to his regular job description: rip quarterback a new asshole, go home, have a straight grain whiskey on the rocks.
But after watching JT dance the foxtrot in front of millions of viewers, mostly whom have no earthly clue what he does for a living (He’s, like, a football player, right?), I was pleasantly surprised. I even found myself genuinely cheering for him like I do on Sundays. This was not what I expected of myself. First of all, because this show is ridiculous. And secondly, because I expected JT to come out all revved up like before a game and smash some shit up. But he didn’t. Because I’m so used to watching him bulldoze over 300 pound linemen, crack quarterbacks’ skulls in and punch the air with that “hit the target” celebration thingy that he does, I expected him to flop around the dance floor like a moose that had just been hit with a tranquilizer dart. Instead, JT was graceful, lithe, with a hint of charming sophistication. I was enchanted.
I was even hoping the judges would come out and agree with me that JT was all kinds of awesome and give him a perfect score, as I had already done in my heart. And while he did get favorable scores from the three judges (7-8-7), it wasn’t a perfect score. That shit annoyed me to no end. I don’t know if standards are usually high on the show. I don’t know if they’ve ever scored higher than a 9. But after they gave their respective scores, I found myself saying to the three judges -- out loud mind you, “Fuck you. Fuck you. And fuck you.” I was officially hooked in.
Fuck me.
After that, it became a matter of watching the other contestants and uttering to myself, “Yea, Jason can pretty much kick that guy’s ass.” Cristian de la Fuente? I have no idea who you are or what you do. But Jason Taylor can kick your Cristian de lass. Adam Carolla? Pfft. Please. Penn Jillette? Magic is stupid. Oh and Jason Taylor can kick your ass. Steve Guttenberg? Nice guy. Good guy. Jason Taylor can so kick your ass. Mario? Actually, Mario scares me a little. Kid can dance. But Jason Taylor can still kick his ass.
Anyway, it all continues next Tuesday. Anyone want to have a watch party? My house! Come on over!* We can order pizza and cheer on JT, text in our votes, and make fun of the fact that Priscilla Presley has that creepy smooth waxy face, yet flappy old lady arms and saggy body. It'll be sooo awesome!
-
*By “Come on over,” I mean, “What are you fucking high? It’s a joke!”
Not a joke: Jason Taylor’s dance moves. I’ll be so watching next week.
Here's what happened over the weekend while you wondered why your Emperor's Club "order" was a no-show:
Jason Taylor appears on satellite radio, says he's staying in Miami, walks off doing jazz hands
Taylor told Sirius Satellite radio hosts Vic Carucci and Dan Leberfeld that Miami is where he wants to be. This has really become the most annoying story of the off-season. It's been a slow time for news and some are speculating that Bill Parcells is all pissy about JT's off-season shenanigans and will therefore trade him away because of his cavorting with fast dames on some god damned fruity television program. That'll show him! Look, this thing won't get resolved until either one of two things happen: A.) Jason Taylor gets traded or B.) Jason Taylor is in a Dolphins uniform on Opening Week in September. AND THAT'S IT! The media needs to seriously quit trying to figure this out. And the media needs to seriously stop doing these kinds of columns. No, seriously. Stop.
Meanwhile, tonight is JT's debut on Dancing With the Stars. You can see some video and photos on his MySpace page, where I continue to be his BFF (after the "Vote for JT", "Edyta" his dance partner, and the "DWS Season 6" pages. ::claps, giggles and hops up and down::). This Edyta chick seems somewhat hot. But she also sounds mind numbingly annoying. Won't surprise me in the least if JT ends up tossing her across the room like a sack of game-worn Vernon Carey jockstraps once she finally gets on his last nerve. JT has no tolerance for bullshit. Anyway, catch the 2 hour premiere (Jesus! 2 fucking hours??!!) tonight on ABC! And be sure to vote for JT by texting 34343.
Parcells keeps building the Special Teams unit. Other units can go fuck themsevles
The Fins signed former Bengals WR Tab Perry, prompting two questions: Why are we only building up the special teams and neglecting our other needs? And, why would anyone name their kid Tab? Bill obviously has other plans that do not include signing any more free agents as far as building the offensive line, defensive line, secondary or wide receiver units is concerned, so we'll have to wait and see. Meanwhile, take a step back, pause and reflect at what our special teams looks like now. All of a sudden, it's looking pretty damned kickass. Yea it does.
Ricky Williams is on schedule with his rehab. Bloggers, columnists and fan forums are on schedule for more shitty "Ricky-Loves-Pot!" jokes
If you recall, Ricky's comeback with the Fins lasted about 7 minutes last season before some gorilla asshole from the Steelers stepped on his shoulder. Meanwhile, Ronnie Brown's season went to the crapper after he tore his ACL. Yes, it was a lovely season. But Brown's agent says he too is on schedule with his rehab and is even doing some running. It will be great to have both Brown and Williams in the backfield next season. If both can stay healthy (I'm looking at you, Black Thunder!), that's one mighty RB combo coming from behind John Beck, or Josh McCown, or Matt Ryan, or Joe Flacco, or Chad Henne, or....
Here's what happened over the weekend while you wondered why your Emperor's Club "order" was a no-show:
Jason Taylor appears on satellite radio, says he's staying in Miami, walks off doing jazz hands
Taylor told Sirius Satellite radio hosts Vic Carucci and Dan Leberfeld that Miami is where he wants to be. This has really become the most annoying story of the off-season. It's been a slow time for news and some are speculating that Bill Parcells is all pissy about JT's off-season shenanigans and will therefore trade him away because of his cavorting with fast dames on some god damned fruity television program. That'll show him! Look, this thing won't get resolved until either one of two things happen: A.) Jason Taylor gets traded or B.) Jason Taylor is in a Dolphins uniform on Opening Week in September. AND THAT'S IT! The media needs to seriously quit trying to figure this out. And the media needs to seriously stop doing these kinds of columns. No, seriously. Stop.
Meanwhile, tonight is JT's debut on Dancing With the Stars. You can see some video and photos on his MySpace page, where I continue to be his BFF (after the "Vote for JT", "Edyta" his dance partner, and the "DWS Season 6" pages. ::claps, giggles and hops up and down::). This Edyta chick seems somewhat hot. But she also sounds mind numbingly annoying. Won't surprise me in the least if JT ends up tossing her across the room like a sack of game-worn Vernon Carey jockstraps once she finally gets on his last nerve. JT has no tolerance for bullshit. Anyway, catch the 2 hour premiere (Jesus! 2 fucking hours??!!) tonight on ABC! And be sure to vote for JT by texting 34343.
Parcells keeps building the Special Teams unit. Other units can go fuck themsevles
The Fins signed former Bengals WR Tab Perry, prompting two questions: Why are we only building up the special teams and neglecting our other needs? And, why would anyone name their kid Tab? Bill obviously has other plans that do not include signing any more free agents as far as building the offensive line, defensive line, secondary or wide receiver units is concerned, so we'll have to wait and see. Meanwhile, take a step back, pause and reflect at what our special teams looks like now. All of a sudden, it's looking pretty damned kickass. Yea it does.
Ricky Williams is on schedule with his rehab. Bloggers, columnists and fan forums are on schedule for more shitty "Ricky-Loves-Pot!" jokes
If you recall, Ricky's comeback with the Fins lasted about 7 minutes last season before some gorilla asshole from the Steelers stepped on his shoulder. Meanwhile, Ronnie Brown's season went to the crapper after he tore his ACL. Yes, it was a lovely season. But Brown's agent says he too is on schedule with his rehab and is even doing some running. It will be great to have both Brown and Williams in the backfield next season. If both can stay healthy (I'm looking at you, Black Thunder!), that's one mighty RB combo coming from behind John Beck, or Josh McCown, or Matt Ryan, or Joe Flacco, or Chad Henne, or....
Alright, Smiley. What you got?
What do ya mean coach?
Your ass is bigger than usual today. And if there's one thing I know, it's big asses.
Oh that. Meh. I just been putting gravy on my porkchops lately. That's all. Really.
Let's go Smiley. Out with it!
:sigh: Fine.
What the hell? That motherfucker's pullin stuff outta his ass!
A Triple-A Card?
In case I go for a ride with Channing Crowder.
Christ. What else you got up there? C'mon!
Alright... alright....
I went fishing over the weekend.
And?
And I caught a rainbow trout.
With these guys.
-Hot damn, son! It's hotter than dog shit on a skillet up in there!
-You said it, Bo. Darker than a coal miner's lunch box, too!
What else, Smiley. C'mon.
:gasp!: Oh sweet Jesus! I couldn't breathe in there!
What the hell, Smiley?
He kept bothering me, asking if I knew where the team prayer meetings were. So I grabbed him and said, "I got your prayer meeting right here!" I was gonna give him right back. Honest.
What else you got?
That's it, coach. I swear.
Say, uh, sorry to interrupt, Mr. Parcells. You know if anyone's seen Samkon Gado lately?
Gado? I thought we cut him, Jeff.
No, sir. He was supposed to report today to restructure his contract. But no one has seen or heard from him in like a week.
SMILE--Y!!
Oh yea. Sorry. Forgot.
This is not cool, my fiends! I am not to like being lodged inside a man's anus! It is not cool in the very least! I am to leave now! I am to leave and never come back! Merry New Year!
What?
Alright, Smiley. What you got?
What do ya mean coach?
Your ass is bigger than usual today. And if there's one thing I know, it's big asses.
Oh that. Meh. I just been putting gravy on my porkchops lately. That's all. Really.
Let's go Smiley. Out with it!
:sigh: Fine.
What the hell? That motherfucker's pullin stuff outta his ass!
A Triple-A Card?
In case I go for a ride with Channing Crowder.
Christ. What else you got up there? C'mon!
Alright... alright....
I went fishing over the weekend.
And?
And I caught a rainbow trout.
With these guys.
-Hot damn, son! It's hotter than dog shit on a skillet up in there!
-You said it, Bo. Darker than a coal miner's lunch box, too!
What else, Smiley. C'mon.
:gasp!: Oh sweet Jesus! I couldn't breathe in there!
What the hell, Smiley?
He kept bothering me, asking if I knew where the team prayer meetings were. So I grabbed him and said, "I got your prayer meeting right here!" I was gonna give him right back. Honest.
What else you got?
That's it, coach. I swear.
Say, uh, sorry to interrupt, Mr. Parcells. You know if anyone's seen Samkon Gado lately?
Gado? I thought we cut him, Jeff.
No, sir. He was supposed to report today to restructure his contract. But no one has seen or heard from him in like a week.
SMILE--Y!!
Oh yea. Sorry. Forgot.
This is not cool, my fiends! I am not to like being lodged inside a man's anus! It is not cool in the very least! I am to leave now! I am to leave and never come back! Merry New Year!
What?
