Some things just can't be unseen. Like your first ever glimpse at a dead body on the side of a bad accident, or the 2 Girls 1 Cup video, or any movie by the guys who made Meet The Spartans. By far these are among the worse things my eyes have ever beheld.
Then I saw this last night.
The whole thing seemed to unfold before me in slow motion. My testicles shriveled up and back into my body. I started shaking and my breathing got heavier. Sweat poured down my face and I started to foam at the mouth. For a second I thought I was turning into a damn wolfman. A wolfman without balls (maybe that's why he insists on wearing pants?).
Mickey Mantle had a drinking problem. Michael Jordan is a gambling junkie. Shoeless Joe threw the World Series. This is a million times worse.
Guh. I got nauseated just writing this post.
Well... my weekend is ruined. My childhood is officially dead. And there is no God.
See you Monday, Nation.