Yes, the Jason Taylor situation blows. Blows hard. And not in a good way. And as expected, lots and lots of Dolphins fans are going totally batshit. They're lighting Molotov cocktails, throwing chairs out of windows, starting bar fights, incoherently shouting obscenities at each other in Portuguese, jumping off of roof tops, pissing on electrical fences, shoving their cocks into random mailslots and saying, "I got yer package right 'ere!", riding off on the women and raping the horses. It's madness!!!!
But before we all burn down the city of Miami -- even those of us who don't actually live here -- let's sit back and think through some things.
From the outset, it sounds like JT came out and demanded a trade by threatening to skip mandatory mini-camps. What a dick. But wait. Is that what really happened? All we have is Tony Sparano's weird, fuzzy statement on Taylor:
“This is my reaction with the Jason Taylor situation. I’m going to answer this question one time. I’m not going to answer another question about the Jason Taylor situation after I answer this. Here is what I know. I’m glad we know this. We’ve gotten the information. That’s important. But I know that Jason is not going to be at any OTAs. I know that Jason is not going to be in any minicamps. And I know that right now Jason is not going to be at training camp. So that’s what we know. Jason’s a player under contract with the Miami Dolphins. He knows that. Both parties are well aware of the information."
Can anyone decipher what the fuck Sparano said there? Dude talks like a character out of a Cormac McCarthy novel. If JT demanded a trade and threatened to boycott the team, why didn't Sparano just come out and say so? What's with the weird wording? And why not answer further questions? Why is this thing being treated like the godamned Kennedy assassination? All that's missing are guys with fedoras and those old timey cameras with light bulbs that crackle and fall off after each shot. And a
gay Kevin Bacon.
