Fins Nation: A Miami Dolphins Blog With Dick Jokes

No Post Monday

Why you no post Dude?

Four reasons:

A. Work. Interestingly, like most humans, I use water to drink and bathe in, also I have an AC to keep running (to avoid the swamp ass) and a child to feed. So, I have work. Lots and lots of work. Too much work, actually. I'm trying to clear the table of all my work so I can get back to serving humanity with blogging about the Miami Dolphins. Anyway, yea, work. Work sucks.

B. New is slow. Absolutely the worst time for all Dolphins and football fans alike. Nothing going on. Nothing. Training camps can't start soon enough. C'mon dickbags. Do something. Give us something interesting to blog about. What's wrong with you assholes? Don't you have ineffectual fights you can start? Strippers to accidentally kill? Drugs to take? Dudes, South Beach is just a few miles down the road. Hit 95 South to 395-Beaches and you're there in twenty. There's a shitload of trouble you can get into there. Nightclubs and trannies galore! The best you can do is pull a gun on some dude outside a fucking Bed, Bath & Beyond? Jesus, you can't even do NFL-thuggery properly? Pathetic.

C. July 4th is coming. And in keeping with my annual 4th of July weekend tradition, I'm shaving my balls to honor two of our Founding Fathers. At least one of them will be Ben Franklin this year. So it will take time to get it just right. You understand.

D. Site Reboot. Look for some major changes to happen with FinsNation in the coming weeks. Nothing huge, but something concerning the ever expanding and evolving nature of FN. So that's something else I gotta deal with. Busy, busy, busy.....

Anyway, I'll try and get all my work done soon, so we can get back to talking about which has-been injury-prone player Parcells is having his guys take a look at next.

No Post Monday

Why you no post Dude?

Four reasons:

A. Work. Interestingly, like most humans, I use water to drink and bathe in, also I have an AC to keep running (to avoid the swamp ass) and a child to feed. So, I have work. Lots and lots of work. Too much work, actually. I'm trying to clear the table of all my work so I can get back to serving humanity with blogging about the Miami Dolphins. Anyway, yea, work. Work sucks.

B. New is slow. Absolutely the worst time for all Dolphins and football fans alike. Nothing going on. Nothing. Training camps can't start soon enough. C'mon dickbags. Do something. Give us something interesting to blog about. What's wrong with you assholes? Don't you have ineffectual fights you can start? Strippers to accidentally kill? Drugs to take? Dudes, South Beach is just a few miles down the road. Hit 95 South to 395-Beaches and you're there in twenty. There's a shitload of trouble you can get into there. Nightclubs and trannies galore! The best you can do is pull a gun on some dude outside a fucking Bed, Bath & Beyond? Jesus, you can't even do NFL-thuggery properly? Pathetic.

C. July 4th is coming. And in keeping with my annual 4th of July weekend tradition, I'm shaving my balls to honor two of our Founding Fathers. At least one of them will be Ben Franklin this year. So it will take time to get it just right. You understand.

D. Site Reboot. Look for some major changes to happen with FinsNation in the coming weeks. Nothing huge, but something concerning the ever expanding and evolving nature of FN. So that's something else I gotta deal with. Busy, busy, busy.....

Anyway, I'll try and get all my work done soon, so we can get back to talking about which has-been injury-prone player Parcells is having his guys take a look at next.

Weekender: Slow Week Indeed

The video you see above is the suddenly famous Wii Fit Hula Hoop girl. The thing about this video is that it was posted like three weeks ago and has already gotten over 4 million views. Recently, it was revealed that the girl in the video is Lauren Bernat of Miami, Florida.

So with that information in tow, I will now spend the entire weekend on a quest to find Lauren and her gorgeous ass. With only my cunning and my penis to guide me. Wish me luck.

I leave you with a link dump:

Weekender: Slow Week Indeed

The video you see above is the suddenly famous Wii Fit Hula Hoop girl. The thing about this video is that it was posted like three weeks ago and has already gotten over 4 million views. Recently, it was revealed that the girl in the video is Lauren Bernat of Miami, Florida.

So with that information in tow, I will now spend the entire weekend on a quest to find Lauren and her gorgeous ass. With only my cunning and my penis to guide me. Wish me luck.

I leave you with a link dump:

Comments of the Week

This week's winner is the always consistent rojowill from the RIP George Carlin post:

And yet Dane Cook and Carlos Mencia continue to live....

rojowill has the kind of job that allows him to sit and read blogs and websites all day long. He's a Renaissance man, living the dream.

Comments of the Week

This week's winner is the always consistent rojowill from the RIP George Carlin post:

And yet Dane Cook and Carlos Mencia continue to live....

rojowill has the kind of job that allows him to sit and read blogs and websites all day long. He's a Renaissance man, living the dream.

Tom Brady, Peyton Manning: Dan Marino Would Like You To Tell Him How His Ass Tastes

One more time. Just for the record.

BAM!

Tom Brady, Peyton Manning: Dan Marino Would Like You To Tell Him How His Ass Tastes

One more time. Just for the record.

BAM!

Hey Everybody! Training Camp Dates!

The Dolphins have announced their training camp dates. There are a lot of them.

And you can bet your sweet ass that I'll be at as many of these as I possibly can*.

Melting in the SoFla sun, drenching myself in a shitload of sunscreen, and having a bout of dehydration or two along the way. All so I can report to you about how Phillip Merling is attacking the tackling dummy with gusto. And so I, like everyone else who reports on these things, can tell you how our offense is coming right along and boost all our expectations to such unreasonable levels that we'll all want an umbrella shoved up our asses, and then opened, once the regular season starts after we remember and realize just how shitty our boys are when they actually play live games against other teams. Hey, it's what I'm here for. It's gonna be great!

Anyway, here's the training camp schedule:

*Translation: One.

Hey Everybody! Training Camp Dates!

The Dolphins have announced their training camp dates. There are a lot of them.

And you can bet your sweet ass that I'll be at as many of these as I possibly can*.

Melting in the SoFla sun, drenching myself in a shitload of sunscreen, and having a bout of dehydration or two along the way. All so I can report to you about how Phillip Merling is attacking the tackling dummy with gusto. And so I, like everyone else who reports on these things, can tell you how our offense is coming right along and boost all our expectations to such unreasonable levels that we'll all want an umbrella shoved up our asses, and then opened, once the regular season starts after we remember and realize just how shitty our boys are when they actually play live games against other teams. Hey, it's what I'm here for. It's gonna be great!

Anyway, here's the training camp schedule:

*Translation: One.