At the risk of alienating more readers, and boring the shit out of the rest of you, I give you a special comment by me, The Dude, on this whole Jason Taylor thing. Again. Sorry. Has to be done.
What has Jason Taylor done that has people seething as if they were suddenly, and without warning, anal-raped by a kangaroo with herpes? Why is he the bad guy in so many Dolphins fans' eyes? I don't get it. And, Nation, I never will.
He's done nothing wrong. He missed voluntary OTAs and plans to miss next week's camp for personal reasons. He has done nothing outside what his contract says he should do. Maybe once he starts missing practices unexcused, I'll get upset (probably not, but stick around and see if I do, just in case). As for Sunday's press conference, I saw nothing different from what the Dolphins did a few weeks ago. He said some things that may or may not be entirely true. So did Tony Sparano, if you recall.
Ok... you got me. He may have requested a trade from the shittiest team in the NFL. That rectum! How dare he!!
JT has nothing to prove to me. The guy's a warrior. He's given me, as a Dolphin fan, everything he's had and more, even when this team has been at its absolute worst. He wants to see about playing for a winner at age 34 when his current team is clearly re-building (again)? What's wrong with that? No, really. I don't get why this is a problem to the point where people are losing their fucking minds and turning into werewolves and outright hating Jason Taylor like poison. Hating him. Frankly, I'll never understand it. And I will never understand how people are siding with Bill Parcells -- someone who hasn't done shit for this team (yet) -- over JT, one of the NFL's best defensive players and one of the most decorated players in franchise history. I know. I know. Fuck him, he doesn't want to be here, he's a fag, he's never won shit for us, he banged your wife three times in a row and you've never come close to doing that, he likes to molest puppies, he was the second shooter on the grassy knoll, he has never, ever, in all these years, never sent you a Christmas card, and one time he drop-kicked a girl scout in the throat.
Jason Taylor has done nothing wrong. Nothing. But it's our duty as fans to completely overreact, act like douchebags by equating him to horse feces, insulting him, revoking his membership as a "True Dolphin," whatever the fuck that means, and actually wishing injury upon him because he -- GASP! -- danced with a girl on TV and requested a trade to a team that has an actual chance to compete for a championship! Yea. Fuck him.
Meanwhile, let us all suck Bill Parcells' balls and completely ignore the fact that maybe, just maybe, he's more to blame over this fiasco than anybody. All this talk about leadership and his way or the highway and all that other dictatorial bullshit fans love to slop up and, so far, that Napoleon-like leadership that will someday win us 12 Super Bowls has gotten us nothing but a fucked up situation that would have easily been handled by any other organization. Even the Bengals are like, shit, those Dolphins are fucked up. Shit, this crap happens at Wal-Mart all the fucking time and they got store managers in pit-stained shirt sleeves making minimum wage not letting shit boil over this bad with their employees. And it's not like JT was pulling a TO or a Chad Johnson, being disruptive and calling out people and acting like a complete ass. Yet, here we are. Drama central. The laughing stock of the league. All because Parcells refuses to treat one of his employees like a human being, because this person dare defy his and his tits' authority. Nice leadership. I can totally see why people are fawning over his fat ass.
Fuck Bill Parcells. He wants me to suck his cock, he's gotta earn it. Wait. That so was not expressed the way I intended....
Point is: I side with JT. He's done nothing wrong. Parcells could and should have defused the situation from the beginning and handled it quietly and responsibly. Now, I understand that most of you disagree with my stance. That's cool. Disagreements are a part of what makes sports fun, and debates are a healthy way to hash out differences of opinion.
In other words, I'm right. You're wrong. Now go suck a bag of dicks.