Now that we've gotten the existentialism portion of the blog out of the way, we focus on an actual Dolphins article. And ESPN has written one! About the Dolphins!
Uber-Caucasian Tim Graham wrote a piece about the Dolphins for ESPN's Camp Confidential coverage. Among other things in the piece, we have new Fins receiver Ernest Wilford expressing his confidence in his team. And by "expressing his confidence" I mean, "holy monkey tits this guy must be on crack."
"Everyone's coming out here with one common goal, and that's to win," new receiver Ernest Wilford said. "We want to win our division this year. We're not going to wait."
"Why not us?"
Wilford's question was rhetorical. An answer came anyway:
The New England Patriots for one.
"Why not us?" Wilford said again, this time more firmly. "The Patriots are just another team to me.
"No fear. Don't live in fear."
After the portion where Wilford deftly treads the line between fearless and moronic, the rest of the piece is pretty standard fare. Graham rolls out the requisite "burning questions" format that most NFL beat writers love to use. Maybe it's because they all have herpes. Without actually answering any of the questions, Graham asks: Can Bill Parcells turn the Dolphins around? Can Ricky be a star again? Will Beck or Henne emerge as the franchise QBs of the future? Will Joey Porter not suck as badly as last season?
He then wonders about Jake Long as the cornerstone of this team, and tells us that the coaching staff is counting on Charlie Anderson to take up where JT left off. Graham then says how much different this new regime's culture is from Cam Cameron's Family Circus a year ago.
It's a wholly original article that asks questions without answering them and tells the rest of America how truly shitty our team is right now. But fear not, Nation. Ernest Wilford ain't afraid of The Suck. So I won't be either.
Now, pass the pipe.