Comcast released their list of the 20 Teams Nobody Cares About. Among the dishonorable mentions are life-long losing franchises like the Milwaukee Bucks, Washington Nationals, and Detroit Lions. And topping the list at number one? Your Miami Dolphins.
Once a storied franchise, a one-win season has seen the Dolphins value quickly drop to 15th in the NFL. If a talented No. 1 draft pick and veteran coach turned executive VP can't get things going in Miami, you can expect the Dolphins stock to hit rock bottom.
Did Alan Greenspan write that? Values and stocks? What the fuck is this scrotum slapper babbling about? Look, I'll be the first to admit that we suck the ass out of a dead rhinoceros right now. But, unlike the other teams on this list, our shitty ways are the exception, not the rule. The Lions and Nationals and Bucks have always sucked. Forever. This is fairly new to us. Hence, the anger.
If the list had been titled The Top 20 Current Crappiest Teams, or the Top 20 Teams that Used to Kick Ass but Now Suck It, I'd be fine with that. But the Top 20 Teams that Nobody Cares About? And number one, at that?
Stick to your Comcastic customer service, high-priced cable packages, illegal cockblocking of your customers and not having the NFL Network, Comcast. Leave the sports to people who know what the fuck they're talking about. And don't fuck with our Dolphins.