Fins Nation: A Miami Dolphins Blog With Dick Jokes

Report: Chad Henne and Dolphins Agree to Terms

The magical leprechaun that is Adam Schefter of the NFL Network is reporting that rookie QB Chad Henne and the Dolphins have agreed on a four year deal worth $3.5 million, with $1.5 million guaranteed. This means that all the Dolphins draft-picks are now signed and ready to go.

FinsNation has obtained an exclusive pic of Henne with his agent and a few Dolphins personnel people minutes after signing the contract. The pic captures Henne's thoughts on finally being a Dolphin. Here it is. Henne is obviously out of uniform. But Henne, who missed this morning/afternoon practice session, should be in full uniform and at practice tonight. So fear not.

Meanwhile, in other training camp news: Joey Porter sat out with an ankle injury, and Josh McCown seems to be fine after his chainsaw accident. Omar Kelly has the scoop on what happened at practice.

-The DUDE

Report: Chad Henne and Dolphins Agree to Terms

The magical leprechaun that is Adam Schefter of the NFL Network is reporting that rookie QB Chad Henne and the Dolphins have agreed on a four year deal worth $3.5 million, with $1.5 million guaranteed. This means that all the Dolphins draft-picks are now signed and ready to go.

FinsNation has obtained an exclusive pic of Henne with his agent and a few Dolphins personnel people minutes after signing the contract. The pic captures Henne's thoughts on finally being a Dolphin. Here it is. Henne is obviously out of uniform. But Henne, who missed this morning/afternoon practice session, should be in full uniform and at practice tonight. So fear not.

Meanwhile, in other training camp news: Joey Porter sat out with an ankle injury, and Josh McCown seems to be fine after his chainsaw accident. Omar Kelly has the scoop on what happened at practice.

-The DUDE

Weekender: Training Camp!

We're finally here! Training camp! Holy shit! It's almost football season again! My editors at Miami New Times have asked me to write up a preview of the Fins first pre-season game! And that got me very excited because I was like, yes! Pre-season is almost here! I can't stop punctuating every sentence with exclamation points! Top o' the morning to you! Tits! I won! Sale! Motherfucker! Cool! Ahhh!

Anyway, from the Herald, a training camp primer (with Duderific commentary in parenthesis):

Weekender: Training Camp!

We're finally here! Training camp! Holy shit! It's almost football season again! My editors at Miami New Times have asked me to write up a preview of the Fins first pre-season game! And that got me very excited because I was like, yes! Pre-season is almost here! I can't stop punctuating every sentence with exclamation points! Top o' the morning to you! Tits! I won! Sale! Motherfucker! Cool! Ahhh!

Anyway, from the Herald, a training camp primer (with Duderific commentary in parenthesis):

Dolphins Sign Phillip Merling

The Palm Beach Post is reporting that the Dolphins and Longshanks have finally agreed to a contract.

The Dolphins signed defensive end Phillip Merling out of Clemson to a four-year contract Friday, a source said. Projected as a top-20 draft pick by many analysts, Merling's stock dropped when he suffered a sports hernia injury that required surgery and kept him from participating in the scouting combine. Last season, he had 78 tackles, including 17 for loss. He had seven sacks and 21 quarterbacks pressures for the Tigers.

This means that the only remaining rookie yet to sign is the Robot. Nice way to start training camp, I'd say.

-The DUDE

Dolphins Sign Phillip Merling

The Palm Beach Post is reporting that the Dolphins and Longshanks have finally agreed to a contract.

The Dolphins signed defensive end Phillip Merling out of Clemson to a four-year contract Friday, a source said. Projected as a top-20 draft pick by many analysts, Merling's stock dropped when he suffered a sports hernia injury that required surgery and kept him from participating in the scouting combine. Last season, he had 78 tackles, including 17 for loss. He had seven sacks and 21 quarterbacks pressures for the Tigers.

This means that the only remaining rookie yet to sign is the Robot. Nice way to start training camp, I'd say.

-The DUDE

Can you smell it?

The ever beguiling essence of swampass is upon us...

Training camp.

-- Our boy Omar Kelly drops some CAPS LOCKed knowledge on our asses with his Things I Think Before Training Camp. Omar thinks we should go after recently cut ex-Charger receiver Eric Parker. He also thinks the Giants might cut Sinorice Moss. He also thinks David Kirkus has a good shot at making the team. If this year's Fins receiving corps isn't one of the worst of all time, it certainly won't be for lack of trying.

-- The Herald's Jeff Darlington shares his Five Things To Watch at camp. It's actually right on point for the most part. But the good article is completely shitstained with a video on the right hand portion of the page featuring Darlington and our man Salguero. Salguero is just as mind numbingly insufferable on video as he is in print. Also, looks like he's been hitting the press box buffet a tad hard. If Darlington had frosting on his face, this video would be all over MySpace with the title "Man Eats Co-Worker's Head!" I think the moral of this whole Darlington article is don't have food around Salguero or you'll quite possibly die.

-- Not to be outdone, the Palm Beach Post's Edgar Thompson has his own 5 things list. Except that he breaks it down into three parts, actually making it 15 things. Among the things discussed: McCown will be the week 1 starter, Ted Ginn will not develop into a No. 1 receiver, Ricky Williams will be good, and Yeremiah Bell will be back to full strength! Loves me the Yeremiah Bell. Muthafucka.

-- Jeff Darlington Dave Hyde says John Beck's ability has to be established ASAP. I am rooting for the guy. He's a good guy, a hard worker and you have to admire a guy who is that pious and still has to withstand the fuckbombs dropped by Joey Porter on a day-to-day basis. Tough little ginger monkey. Meanwhile, whenever I see the words Dolphins and Mormon Missionaries on any feed anywhere, I know it's a must read!

-- Harvey Fialkov (spell check to self-destruct in 7 seconds.....) has a good piece on O-coordinator Dan Henning. DRK has his doubts about Henning. But I have faith in the old man. Mainly because I'm still jaded by the erudite legacy of play calling left by Mike Mularkey. Ugh. Mike Mularkey. I just ruined my own day. Nice going, dickbag.

-- Nothing new on Henne or Merling signing before camp starts. Jeff Ireland thinks they'll sign soon. But what the fuck does that guy know? He's got as much authority running shit down there as I do. More than anything, we need Merling and his elongated balls in camp sooner than later. Henne can wait. But we need help on D and Merling needs to show us if he's the real deal or if he's just going to get all tangled up and tripped up by his freakishly long ballsack.

Anyway. Here we are. Miami Dolphins 2009 Training Camp. Feel the swampass.

-The DUDE

Can you smell it?

The ever beguiling essence of swampass is upon us...

Training camp.

-- Our boy Omar Kelly drops some CAPS LOCKed knowledge on our asses with his Things I Think Before Training Camp. Omar thinks we should go after recently cut ex-Charger receiver Eric Parker. He also thinks the Giants might cut Sinorice Moss. He also thinks David Kirkus has a good shot at making the team. If this year's Fins receiving corps isn't one of the worst of all time, it certainly won't be for lack of trying.

-- The Herald's Jeff Darlington shares his Five Things To Watch at camp. It's actually right on point for the most part. But the good article is completely shitstained with a video on the right hand portion of the page featuring Darlington and our man Salguero. Salguero is just as mind numbingly insufferable on video as he is in print. Also, looks like he's been hitting the press box buffet a tad hard. If Darlington had frosting on his face, this video would be all over MySpace with the title "Man Eats Co-Worker's Head!" I think the moral of this whole Darlington article is don't have food around Salguero or you'll quite possibly die.

-- Not to be outdone, the Palm Beach Post's Edgar Thompson has his own 5 things list. Except that he breaks it down into three parts, actually making it 15 things. Among the things discussed: McCown will be the week 1 starter, Ted Ginn will not develop into a No. 1 receiver, Ricky Williams will be good, and Yeremiah Bell will be back to full strength! Loves me the Yeremiah Bell. Muthafucka.

-- Jeff Darlington Dave Hyde says John Beck's ability has to be established ASAP. I am rooting for the guy. He's a good guy, a hard worker and you have to admire a guy who is that pious and still has to withstand the fuckbombs dropped by Joey Porter on a day-to-day basis. Tough little ginger monkey. Meanwhile, whenever I see the words Dolphins and Mormon Missionaries on any feed anywhere, I know it's a must read!

-- Harvey Fialkov (spell check to self-destruct in 7 seconds.....) has a good piece on O-coordinator Dan Henning. DRK has his doubts about Henning. But I have faith in the old man. Mainly because I'm still jaded by the erudite legacy of play calling left by Mike Mularkey. Ugh. Mike Mularkey. I just ruined my own day. Nice going, dickbag.

-- Nothing new on Henne or Merling signing before camp starts. Jeff Ireland thinks they'll sign soon. But what the fuck does that guy know? He's got as much authority running shit down there as I do. More than anything, we need Merling and his elongated balls in camp sooner than later. Henne can wait. But we need help on D and Merling needs to show us if he's the real deal or if he's just going to get all tangled up and tripped up by his freakishly long ballsack.

Anyway. Here we are. Miami Dolphins 2009 Training Camp. Feel the swampass.

-The DUDE

The King Dry Humps His Lineman to Display His Happiness About JT No Longer Being a Dolphin

We all knew it was happening. And now it's official. King Douche has let it be known to the world that he is a happy man because he no longer has to face Jason Taylor twice a year.

�[Matt] Light and I popped a cold beer when I saw that transaction,� Brady told reporters after Thursday morning�s practice. �We were the two most excited players in the NFL. � We were hugging each other. It was awesome.�

That player we select with the second-rounder we got from Washington better be a game-breaking, touchdown scoring, world smashing, help-old-ladies-across-the-street, saving puppies from burning buildings, woman satisfying, proprietor of football awesomeness. Also, he better be able to shoot flames from his cock. Because the day we get Tom Brady all horny for Matt Light because we shipped off the one guy who scared him on our team is a sad day, Nation. A sad day.

Just sayin.

-The DUDE

The King Dry Humps His Lineman to Display His Happiness About JT No Longer Being a Dolphin

We all knew it was happening. And now it's official. King Douche has let it be known to the world that he is a happy man because he no longer has to face Jason Taylor twice a year.

“[Matt] Light and I popped a cold beer when I saw that transaction,” Brady told reporters after Thursday morning’s practice. “We were the two most excited players in the NFL. … We were hugging each other. It was awesome.”

That player we select with the second-rounder we got from Washington better be a game-breaking, touchdown scoring, world smashing, help-old-ladies-across-the-street, saving puppies from burning buildings, woman satisfying, proprietor of football awesomeness. Also, he better be able to shoot flames from his cock. Because the day we get Tom Brady all horny for Matt Light because we shipped off the one guy who scared him on our team is a sad day, Nation. A sad day.

Just sayin.

-The DUDE