I'm ambiguously gay!
I like poop.
Greg Cote, as only Greg Cote can do, posted a column today on how Brett Favre to the Dolphins would make sense.
Dear Brett: You may have heard. Our weather is somewhat kinder to old bones than Green Bay's. We average about one inch of light snow every 35 or 40 years down here. And don't worry about that pay cut you'd probably have to take. We lead the nation in retiree-pleasing Early Bird specials. I know that some of you out there are saying of Favre becoming a Dolphin, ''It could never happen.'' But it could, and I'll tell you why.
Then, on his blog, Armando Salguero went after Cote's piece and shot down the seemingly ridiculousness of it.
I opened my paper this morning and read why the Dolphins should go after Favre. The story concedes what most right-thinking people understand: That Favre to the Dolphins could not happen. But then it stubbornly insists, "it could." To which I stubbornly retort: No it couldn't. Really. It couldn't, wouldn't and won't. Why? Let me count the ways...
Well now. Looks like we got ourselves a good old fashioned local rag Dolphins beat-writers DOUCHE OFF!!!
OK, boys. You know the rules. We want you to say the douchiest thing possible about this douchey topic while both sounding competent and acting like you're not two sides of the same douchey coin!
Ready? Wait for it. And 3...2...1... DOUCHE IT UP!!!!
Cote: "So here's what you do, Dolphins: You do what Green Bay isn't doing. You
welcome Favre back to football. You trade lame-duck Jason Taylor (whom
the Packers have coveted) to get him. You put McCown up for sale. And
then you let Beck and Henne develop for a year under the unhurried
tutelage of a master -- thereby being as good a team as you can be
right now while also letting the roots take on future success at that
position."
Salguero: "What would Favre bring the Dolphins? Lots of national attention. A better quarterback than they currently have. But a playoff shot? Probably not. Even if Favre is still able to be great, he can improve a team's record by one, maybe two games. That might make the Dolphins a 7-9 team instead of 5-11."
Cote: "From Miami's perspective, having a quality QB now, even for one year, makes sense because the team ought not forsake 2008 in the name of rebuilding. This is a team that lost six games by only three points last year despite itself. A team much improved. And a team with what seems a ridiculously soft schedule. Add Favre and you're thinking .500. Maybe even wild-card hunt."
Salguero: "And when Favre re-retires it leaves the Dolphins weaker because their rebuilding program detoured because of a flirtation. We still won't know anything about John Beck or Chad Henne and the team will then have a lower draft spot from which to continue building rather than a higher one."
Cote: "From Favre's perspective, there also is some logic. This is a team that spent its past two No. 1 picks on a receiver and a blocker. A team with two solid running backs. A team with the imprimatur of Bill Parcells in charge. And a team whose fans will regard you as a civic hero if you win six games and a saint if you win eight."
Salguero: "Here's the scenario: If the Packers trade Favre it would have to be to a team he approves because he could collapse the deal by simply not reporting if he doesn't like the team. The only teams Favre is interested in playing for are teams with a chance to contend for a Super Bowl berth."
***
Well shit on a stick. You're both so douchey. It's tough to decide.
But ultimately, I have to side with Armando here. Brett Favre to the Dolphins is so outrageously stupid, it defies all logic. In fact, I'm sure if this were to happen, it would rip a hole in the fabric of space time and create a massive black hole and kill us all. God Cote is a moron.
