I’m Roger a.k.a. Dat Roro Kid. Apologies for the length in advance, sit back and enjoy your breakfast this fine morning but I wouldn’t get used to it if I were you.
The Dude has graciously asked me to be a contributor here on FinsNation once we move over to the new MVN site. The minute he asked me I absolutely jumped at this opportunity as I’ve been reading the site since the old Miami Sports Dude days and figured this to be one of the more entertaining and informative sports blogs out there. It also can’t hurt that it strictly adheres to covering the Miami Dolphins, a team/concept/extrapolation of my very soul that occupies nearly 68% of my thinking brain on a daily basis (other 32%?? Maaaan, you’re gonna find out). My single greatest hope here is to add to (what I feel) is an already outstanding site and make it even more insatiably kickass.
In an effort to solidify our gay bond last weekend while I was in Miami, I received via Thomas Pynchon-like Tristero code an ‘order’ to meet the actual Dude. You know what? He’s handsome, well-mannered and knowledgeable about all things Miami sports – and that really pisses me off. I should be the only handsome blogger/contributor guy on this site and my mother reinforced that in me when I drunkenly visited her after my Saturday night hang out with the Dude (True story). So I’ll say he’s completely awesome even if he does irk me with his cool demeanor, square jaw, decision to eat a Philly chicken (instead of going for the O.G. cheese steak) and his wearing of a white t-shirt under his button down – effectively negating what might have been a sicko, Hispanic, couple-of-buttons-buttoned look. In fact, here’s a photo from that meeting:
No? Fine! The only real difference between this picture above and the scene at Flannigan’s in Coconut Grove* on Saturday night (FinsNation sponsorship pending*) was that we had A LOT more drinks (ok, maybe that was just me), some delicious chicken wings and are going to be way more legendary than these historically regal individuals. I could tell you everything we talked about there including family, heritage, Marlins, world domination and assdickjokery at TittyBall Junction (a concept I hope to make you appreciate in due time) but this would ultimately ruin the surprise, wouldn’t it? I then proceeded to roll him out to several ever-stranger events culminating in a Schematic Records show. As previously stated, the show featured robots with Vote for Ron Paul signs but it also included all forms of sluts, debauchery and a contest in which the "winner" was based on a performance where a dude played some noise and got his ass kicked. Gotta love the Churchill’s (shit, Mudhoney played there? Sometimes you fall hard).
I’ll wrap up this dick-wag by saying a little bit about myself:
I was born of Cuban parents in Miami and raised in that beloved/wretched town for 26 years. I had early and deep love for the Dolphins throughout childhood and adulthood except for a brief period of time where I listened to nothing but weirdo noise music and toured the country a few times a year. I moved to NY to pursue rock and roll dreams and money. I may eventually get a tiny bit of the latter of those two as I found, after 26 years in Miami, that it is really fucking hard to make any real money there. Really!! I enjoy weird music and art (if you see something that looks or sounds weird to you, then we’ll just assume I might like it and you may feel free to recommend it).
I tan well, I drink better, I fuck awesome and I absolutely live for your Miami Dolphins. I experience boundless glee if we win and irrevocable sadness if we lose. I believe in running the fucking ball when you have a good running back and a decent offensive line. I believe in developing an attitude (not ‘The Code’) and utilizing the talents of your players to make up the identity of your team. I believe Cam Cameron had this completely ass-backwards when you’ve got certain guys that can provide a spark sitting on the bench for months on end and you haven’t won a single game. I like how we ‘built the trenches’ in the draft this year. A good counter running play that gains 6-7 solid yards will literally (and quite suddenly) inflame my cock like the Human Torch. Sprinkle in a few big plays downfield on offense and some pressure along the defensive line to help out the DBs and I will give you bedroom eyes after the game. I despise Armando Salguero for his absolutely relentless shitbagging of the Miami Dolphins spirit. I also believe that Tony Sparano is knee-deep in hate sex. No one knows this and the organization is doing its best to keep this very, very tight-lipped but I will pity his wife after a loss because then it’s off to the Sparano Dungeon for hours of medieval tools and hell-bent depravity.
So we better not lose. Not even once because the howls of delight and horror will be heard from the Fort Pierce rest stop to Key West – and beyond. Just look at the guy. Sadness and hate. Sadness and hate.
So now America, with an open heart and an empty stomach, I say unto you in the words of my uncle: Allez Cuisine!
Shit. That’s from Iron Chef America, isn’t it?
Ok, then. Let’s get those asses rrrreeeeeeaaaaaaallllll swampy. Training Camp starts in 9 days!!!!!
Let’s fucking hit it.