Ok. We’re not gonna lie to you. The reason for the late post: We got nothin’ today. The Dude’s in a funk [Ed. Note: I have anal fissures] and I’m swamped at work so we’re giving you the best that we’ve got like Anita Baker.
For your appetizer, a little something to get you stirred up and thinking about a solid work jerk, if you get get away from the desk for 5 minutes. My advice? If someone comes into the bathroom, pretend like you’re sitting down on the toilet. We all know you can’t perform with some other dude in there. That’s just gross. Otherwise, have at it. We won’t judge you [Ed. Note: Except you, Tom-Ass. God’s always looking at you!] We know how uncontrollable that thing is. Here are more pics of Keeley Hazell up there that are, how you say? NSFW: One. Two. Three. And Four [Ed. Note: Hey-Ohh!!]
And now... a few thoughts on the Fins:
• FinsNation poet laureate Omar Kelly thinks there’s a slight chance Sparano starts Henne on Saturday. Personally, I doubt this but it wouldn’t surprise me. I think with the little time Penny has had to get acclimated to our system and the feel for his receivers, he needs all the practice time he can get. What better practice is there than a possible 2-win Chiefs team in August when the games don’t count? I agree with O. that Henne should get a lion’s share of the snaps in Game 4 against the Saints with McCown getting the 4th Quarter. John Beck? He can take orders for the postgame pizza party [Ed. Note: He’s also in charge of getting the stripper. Something tells Joey Porter will be very disappointed.]
• Sparano seems to be pleased with the receiving corps. Awww, that’s nice because I’m not exactly thrilled. Yea, they played well in that game against Jacksonville and have done well in practice (particularly, our newest candidate for the J.R. Tolver Memorial Award, Anthony Armstrong!) but I’m not exactly calling Canton just yet. These guys are raw and have a lot to prove. I even hate the idea of people writing about them doing well because they’ve only started to do well once people realized how much they really fucking sucked. Let’s keep them thinking that way, eh?
• For some reason, this Matt Roth as OLB thing seems like it should have made sense a long, long time ago. Great ‘motor’? Check. A bit undersized with short arms? Check. Wack tribal white-boy tattoo? Check. He had the makings of a little feisty linebacker all along! Why didn’t someone think of this earlier? Like us??!
• Chris Crocker has supplanted Jason Allen for the time being. Nick Saban continues to bend me over a desk and have his way with me.
• Hey, look! Charlie Anderson is back! I can’t tell you how legitimately thrilled I am about this development. We need as many bodies as possible right now.
• I’m going to get a Kendall Langford FatHead.
That’s all for now. Your suggested album of the day is the glorious Pet Sounds by the Beach Boys. What better way to slowly French-kiss the summer goodbye?
“Listen, Listen, Liiiiisssteen”
Stay tuned, my beautiful children.