Okay Nation. Time to put on our football-nerd hats and talk about some serious shit. There are some great story-lines coming out of Dolphins camp so far. Like Derek Hagan's seemingly impressive practices, Phillip Merling and Jake Long getting into a scuffle and Joey Porter laying the smack on dudes left and right. But no matter what, the bottom line remains: this team will only be as good as its quarterback. And as far as I've heard and read, all three are pretty much drinking The Suck juice by the gallon.
Let's look at what we've got in The Robot, The Mormon and The Moron, shall we? We shall! To the Idiotmobile, chums!....
1. First of all, Josh McCown. McCown is a journeyman quarterback. A guy who has crapped out pretty much everywhere he's been. Yet we continually hear and read that he's got the edge in winning the starting job. Sweet fancy Moses. McCown currently sits with 35 career TDs and 40 career INTs and has a 57.9 career completion percentage. Let's compare that to say, oh, I dunno, let me pull a name right out of my ass and say.... um... Jay Fiedler! Fiedler ended his career with 69 TDs, 66 INTs and a 58.7 completion percentage (also, just to add more shit to this crapfire, Cleo Lemon has a 56.0 career completion percentage). Then there's that recent I'll hold the wood while you cut it with a chainsaw thing. So basically, McCown is slightly worse than Jay Fiedler and just a tad better than Cleo Lemon. He also has about as much brain power as post-concussion Trent Green. This is the guy who has the edge to be our starting QB come September. Well holy shitballs, I say. Holy shitballs up the yingyang.
2. John Beck is not separating himself. I'm a John Beck fan. Always have been. As I've recounted here numerous times, when it came to the 2007 QB Draft class, I liked Kevin Kolb, Brady Quinn and John Beck in that order. I always felt that Beck could easily be better than Quinn. And when we drafted him, I was pretty happy about it. But my concerns about Beck remain: his size (he's a small 6-2), his age (27 -- old for a second year QB) and his penchant for having his passes batted at the line of scrimmage. They say he's worked on his throwing mechanics and release point, but so far, no dice. I think Beck has trouble seeing over the O-line and I think his shitty rookie season has rattled him a little bit. There's a duality with Beck. Like say, good and evil. One day he's Johnny Unitas, the next he's Mr. Magoo. He's got great attitude and work ethic. But it just doesn't seem like any of it has translated to the Big Boy's table. More than that, the fact that he hasn't separated himself from Josh Fucking McCown worries me. I know it's early. But for the first time since we drafted him, I'm starting to have serious doubts about John Beck. Help me, Joseph Smith! Help me!!!
3. Chad Henne is intriguing and a total fucking mystery. Because he's a rookie and because he fell way short of expectations at Michigan, for the most part, we don't know what we have in Henne. Yet he has the strongest arm of the three and he was scouted and hand-picked by Bill Parcells and his Cockpuncher's Brigade when Matt Ryan, Joe Flacco and Brian Brohm were there to be had. Parcells and Jeff Ireland know a shitload more about football than any of us ever will. So there's a part of me that's intrigued with Henne. He also seems to be showing a knack for the ass-kickery at training camp every now and then. But does that mean anything? Is Henne the next Drew Bledsoe or Tony Romo in Parcells' quarterback draft history? Or will he be just as slap-a-saddle-on-your-grandma-and-ride-her-like-Barbarro frustrating as he was at Michigan? More importantly, is he here merely to play football? Or to warn us of our impending doom? For now, we'll have to wait until he's ready to play with the big boys.
So, my best guess: McCown will be the opening day quarterback. I think we're going to see a lot during the pre-season but, for the most part, it seems his grasp of the offense and his overall experience will win him the job. But I also think we'll see Beck in a few games here and there. As for Henne, let him loose during pre-season, but keep him in the corral all regular season long.
Or, hey, there's always Quincy Carter!
-The DUDE
