God damn it feels good to be a Dolphins fan today! It's a feeling that has been fleeting for so long. I didn't truly realize how shitty Mondays were until this morning, when I woke up and actually looked forward to my humdrum day and week. I started to take my shitty god awful Monday moods for granted. My fantasy team lost? Pft. Who gives a rat's ass. My Dolphins won on Sunday. My Dolphins shocked the world on Sunday. Much to the delight of pretty much every football fan in America, my Dolphins defeated Bill Belichick and the mighty New England Patriots in Foxboro 38-13 on Sunday. Ronnie Brown accounted for all 5 touchdowns. Chad Pennington played mistake-free football. Joey Porter talked shit and backed it up and finally decided to show up and play after 19 games. Better late than never, I guess. The victory ended the Pats' 21-regular season game winning streak and handed Belichick the worst home loss of his tenure as Patriots head coach. Choke on that, Mumbles.
Sure, some Pats fans are going to point to the fact that the Patriots were without Tom Brady. And that’s to be expected because, you know, Patriots fans are complete fucking douchebags who wouldn't know class if it fucked them in the ass with a bar stool. But that doesn’t negate the fact that the Fins steamrolled over New England’s supposed vaunted defense with 461 total yards and five touchdowns. This coming from a Dolphins offense that couldn’t tell a football from a shoe just a week ago. And it doesn’t negate the fact that the Patriots offensive line couldn’t contain J-Peezy or his mouth all day long. It wasn't just a victory. It was a complete Fuck You! victory. And that's the best kind of victory there is. A beat down of this magnitude deserves its own holiday.
Does this mean the Dolphins are going to go 13-2 now? Of course not. Unlike Jets fans, who celebrate beating a 1-15 team like they won the fucking Super Bowl, we're not delusional. We know there is still a lot of work to do on this team. We know another bitter defeat is just a Chris Crocker melt down or a Chad Pennington lame duck or a Ted Ginn fumble or a bone headed play-call away. But today, we're just like any other team. A team that can win on any given Sunday. And that's all we ask for. We're a team that can not only beat a colossus like the Patriots, but completely humiliate them at home while their fans languidly file out of the stadium like they're leaving a funeral. A team that announced to the rest of the NFL that we're no longer an automatic 'W' on the schedule.
It was also a great way for Tony Sparano to earn his first win as Dolphins coach. And it’s an excellent way for the Fins to head into their bye week. This means we have two whole weeks of total bliss to enjoy. Total. Bliss. The air smells fresher, food tastes better, and every girl on the street is just that much hotter. Life is good again. We’ve been waiting a long time to feel this feeling again. Maybe God hasn’t forgotten us, after all. Maybe he was just fucking with us and thought that it was enough already.
As for every Patriots fan I've ever run into, every cocksucking New England fan who claimed to be a life-long fan even though they couldn't name a player on the 1988 team, I say, please dear sirs, help yourself to a heaping dick sandwich with all the fixings. The same goes especially for every Pats fan asswipe who ever trolled this blog and wrote such sharp, witty, intelligent commentary such as:
SUCK MY FUCKIN DICK YOU SHEEP FUCKIN FAGGOT BITCH. I think everyone in this god damn blog should come to your house, fuck your wife, kick you in your fuckin balls, and spit in your eye on the way out. BITCH?And the rest of you fuckin cunts who hate the pats mamame guebo por atra faggots
Posted by: Common | Tuesday, October 30, 2007 at 08:14 PM
and,
Posted by: snerdly_mortsnerd | Wednesday, October 31, 2007 at 11:21 AM
You're right, snerdly, you fucking cunt rag. Pay back is sweet indeed.
Fuck you, Massholes. Fuck you all in the ass with a snowplow.
-The DUDE
