FN Open Letter to Joey Porter: Please Shut The F*** Up

 
Dolphins windbag/pony-killer Joey Porter opened his stupid fucking mouth again yesterday and proclaimed thusly to the football-speaking world:

"We're going to come after [Matt Cassel]. I don't want to say something that will come back and bite me. It'll be good to go out and get our first victory”.

That’s really fuckin’ cute, Joey.  With that wonderful little statement, you threw out any and all hope of lulling the Patriots to sleep and actually snatching a victory from the very sure jaws of defeat. 

You’ve been notorious over the years for these ‘guarantees,’ Joey. You know, galvanizing statements that are supposed to bring the team together and instill fear into the hearts of your opponents?  Well, in case you failed to realize this on your own – and I think that you have – the Patriots have about 4,926 All-Pros on their team and we have approximately .314905834893004ths of 1. 

In conclusion, as a lifelong fan of the Dolphins that basically lives and dies by this team for about 6 months out of the year (you do the math on the misery/happiness quotient), I’d like to ask you, Joey – on behalf of all of us that have chosen to live similar lifestyles – to do the following:

PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY.

Cordially yours,

FinsNation

PS: Eat a bowl of dicks and make some goddamn plays.

-DRK