This is Ronnie Brown. He is affectionately known round these parts as Black Thunder. He has balls of steel. That's right. You heard me. His testicles were cast from a volcanic fire and forged with iron and mortar. Balls of steel. Bolas de acero.
You may ask: how is this possible? How can a man have balls of steel? The mere logistics make it a near impracticality. They would probably weigh a good ten pounds each. Going for a swim would be a real problem. And they would make air travel outright impossible. Good points, dear friend. But did you not watch the game Sunday? How can he not have balls of steel? I mean, c'mon. The evidence is irrefutable.
Just ask the previously unbeaten New England Patriots. When last they saw Ronnie Brown, last season, he was crumpled on the ground in a fetal position, clutching a knee that had been turned to mulch. Today, the Patriot defense expected to see a tentative Ronnie Brown. A hobbled Ronnie Brown. A Ronnie Brown who was still not quite recovered from said injury.
And that's when the balls of steel took over. Ronnie Brown rammed a fist into the collective ass of the New England Patriots and turned them into his own personal hand puppet to the tune of 113 rushing yards, 4 touchdowns, 19 passing yards, and 1 passing touchdown.
The man accounted for all 5 touchdowns Sunday, leading his previously hapless team to a shocking 38-13 Ike Turner-esque bitch slap of New England in New England, ending the Pats' 21-regular season game winning streak and humiliating them before the entire world in their own home right in front of their own cocksucking new restaurant that everyone seems to be so excited about.
Only a man with balls of steel could make something like that happen. That man is Ronnie Brown. Those steel balls, his.