The Robot reacts to Michael Crabtree's highlight video
To start Henne or to not start Henne. It's been the number one topic of conversation on other blogs and on local radio all week. But I haven't touched it because, frankly, I botched it last season when I called for John Beck to start. Little did I know that he would treat the football like it was made of a bucket of dicks. Little did I know that Cleo Lemon would be better than him. Little did I know that the man who said he had a surprise for me in his pants was actually talking about his penis. But some fans are calling for Chad Henne to start over Chad Pennington. Mainly because, meh, fuck it, why not? And I get it.
But I'm going to say no on this. Mainly because we have shit for players and it just wouldn't do anyone any good. Not that I think Henne would go the way of a Beck or a David Carr and lose all confidence if he came out and played poorly. He's a robot, so he knows no such emotions as confidence or lack of confidence or love or hate or fear. But I'd rather we'd get some, you know, talent around him before turning him loose. Look, I hate watching Captain Noodles run the offense with his dink and dunk passes just as much as you do. But I'd rather we kept him as the starter while Henne roamed the sidelines, downloading the information and coming in for mop-up duty like he did last week. It'll be a good way to ease him into things. And I'm going to say this now: Next April, we must draft Texas Tech WR Michael Crabtree. Fuck everybody else. 6-3, 214 lbs, and an absolute beast (by the way, Anquan is 6-1, 217 lbs). This is the guy to get. Crabtree and Devone Bess would give Henne a pretty awesome one-two combo for many seasons to come.
Maybe in my next lifetime, the Dolphins will actually do what I say and we'll have ourselves a decent team. Also maybe in my next lifetime, I'm going to get a girlfriend with no feet. That way she won't nag me about taking her dancing all the time.