When players fall asleep during team meetings, the other players like to draw mustaches and pictures on their faces with a Sharpie. But now that I'm in charge, that nonsense has stopped. Instead of drawing on them, I glue a mustache made entirely of my pubes on their face.
I have been known on occasion to bludgeon to death with a steel-toed boot anyone who uses the phrase, "knock on wood" and then actually goes out of their way to find some wood to knock on. Also, I once fisted some random guy for saying "Go get 'em tiger!" to his kid at a little league baseball game.
Also, Tony Sparano says the players have been enthusiastic during practices since pounding on the Pats. Everyone is feeling good!!! Hoorray!!!