It's A Trap!

Ethan Skolnick brings up a very interesting point about this week's opponent, the 0-4 Houston Texans:

...after beating the Patriots and Chargers, the trip to Houston qualifies as a bit of a letdown. Even though Tony Sparano wasn't here until this season, he would be wise to remind his players about the Dolphins' recent history against the Texans. The Dolphins are 0-3 against Houston, and there have been some horrible moments.

This is true. No matter how shitty the Texans are playing, they always seem to find their mojo against the Fins. It's really rather irritating. 

Houston shocked the heavily favored Fins in week one of 2003 (their 2nd year in existence) and then in 2006, after losing their first few games in embarrassing fashion, upset the Fins again in Week 4. Last season, the Texans murdered Trent Green and then their kicker kicked a bunch of 50 yarders to beat Miami 22-19. Then there was that one time when Jay Fiedler kept finding Marcus Coleman open and kept throwing him the ball (Marcus Coleman was a safety for the Texans). And now, you couldn't have two more diverging teams with the Texans flailing and losing in spectacular fashion while the Fins are going around beating the best teams in the AFC and winning player of week awards and having sexy girls like Rebecca e-mailing me about it. In short, the Fins are in serious danger of getting the shit kicked out of them this week. It's the classic trap game. And it's up to Tony Uge Fuckin Calves to get these guys ready. Not unlike the way Dave Wannstedt did when he wanted to make a point with his masterful motivational techniques:

When Dave Wannstedt hung a crate in the locker room, the players didn't realize it was a lobster trap.

For fucksake. How has Dave Wannstedt escaped doctors, neurologists and scientists?! The man is an human enigma. I really think he needs a team of scientists working round the clock, studying and analyzing his every move. Like they did with the Elephant Man. Also, I think a good kick in the ass will do just fine as far as motivation goes. Just line up the players, and let Tony go to town with his foot. Tony's good with that kind of thing.

-The DUDE