Before we move on, two things really pissed me off this week:
It’s absolutely stupefying that Ronnie Brown, Vernon Carey and Ikechuku Ndukwe (I had to check the spelling on that one like 5 times) all got fined $10,000 for a crappy endzone dance that didn’t even last very long. The NFL really has become the No Fun League. It used to be that it was a haven for coke and whores as well as colorful expressions of accomplishment – whether on the individual or team level. There is so much pressure and professionalism attached to the NFL in addition to all the scrutiny, that there has to be some sort of outlet. So what the fuck happened? Why are they pussying up the one sport I absolutely love to the point that I’ll watch two teams I couldn’t give a fuck about on a hungover Monday night? To misappropriate a concept Chris Rock so eloquently put recently: If the NHL was hanging off a cliff and all it need was a fuck to save it and I had a pocket full of fucks, I wouldn’t spare one. So why are people that have never played the sport trying to ruin the one thing I’d give up all my fucks for in any situation (except the Pats, Bills or Jets)??? Shit, there’s even a conduct policy for the fans!
I loved Warren Sapp when he was at the U. I even kinda liked him as a player throughout the years and did laugh at some of the remarks he’d make from time to time. He’s a Florida boy through and through and that’s always a huge plus in my book so I tend to give them tremendous poetic license. However, Mr. Sapp really really pissed me off this week in saying the Wildcat offense was ‘disrespectful’. The fuck? How in the fuck is it ‘disrespectful’? Last I checked, there are 11 guys on each side of the ball when the Wildcat lines up. Was it also disrespectful when the faggot Patriots were running up the score on every team last year or was it a ‘prolific’ offense??? Worst of all is the explanation that Warren gives is downright fucking stupid. It doesn’t even make sense. It’s an interesting play. It uses an uncommon formation with an unbalanced line. It spiced up our offense, galvanized our team and has taken the NFL by storm. Since that play was implemented, we’re a new team with renewed confidence so fuck you in your double cheeseburger ass, Warren Sapp. May your next order of 50 chicken wings be your last!
The Keys to the Game:
• The continued effectiveness of the Wildcat. I don’t know how much longer that cooky, badooky offense is gonna work but I’m hoping it lasts a few more games. I was watching ESPN the other night and noticed during a clip of the Chargers/Fins game that Chad turned around like a WR waiting for a screen pass. Crazy. Let’s not forget that Ricky Williams also nearly threw the ball one time last week. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised to see Ronnie bust out with my Westchester, backyard version of the Wildcat and throw the ball to himself for a touchdown (crowd roaring, natch).
• As star commenter, Tom-Ass pointed out in the comments yesterday, we were supposed to already have the big-bodied, possession guy to make plays and his name was…umm…wait, I know we picked someone up in the offseason for $6 million…shoot…what…was…his…name…..you know him! He just runs around a lot…on the field….hmmm…I can barely picture what he looks like. Funniest thing.
• Our suddenly badass defense. Whoo-boy! It is fun to watch. They say all great teams are good up the middle. Would be nice if Channing Crowder would actually contribute something other than diving in at the last second to make it look like he was part of the play, but at least we’ve got something there with Jason Ferguson and Yeremiah Bell. Yeremiah was downright sick nasty last week covering Antonio Gates and spreading his own brand of badassery in droves. In this otherwise bear market, I’m going full on bull with Yeremiah. I’m Yeremiah muthafuckas!
• Speaking of the Defense, we have a big challenge this week against Steve Slaton. This kid is young, healthy and fast. We need to man-up the box and dare Schaub to make plays. We cannot let this little fuck Slaton go for 150 yds and 2 TDs. He must be stopped.
• Ted Ginn needs to return to the kicking game. I love Bess and I think he’s a shifty little dude but as Omar pointed out this week, few in the NFL bring the skills that Ginn once possessed to the kicking game. We need to see that flair and confidence again. It’s a shame his own teammate destroyed his ankle during that National Championship game because I don’t think he’s ever been the same since then. Up to that point, he probably was worthy of a top 10 selection in the draft but there’s something off about that kid. Also, if he runs out of bounds again when we have the ball and the lead with less than 5 minutes left, I’m hiring a hitman.
• Can Dan Carpenter go back to kicking balls into the end zone?? I seem to remember him doing this quite a bit in the preseason but lately a lot of those kicks wind up at the 5.
• I’d pay $100 to watch Nat Moore and Sage Rosenfels do a duel super helicopter dive into defenders. Nat held on to the ball, though.
Prediction: Dolphins 31 – Texans 10
They say good teams beat teams they’re supposed to beat. Yea, the Texans are supposedly a better team than what their record indicates but that’s all horseshit. We’ve surprised one team and beat another very good team at home with a solid win. The next step in our path to greatness means trampling the ever-living-snot out of the crappy teams. Let’s go get that first win against this wanna-be franchise with a laughable fanbase and keep this train bound for glory.
AAAAALLLLLRRRRIIIIGHHHTT, MIIIAAAAMIII!!! (Mandich voice)