Fins Nation: A Miami Dolphins Blog With Dick Jokes

Sign this dude up right quick!

This is video of that SEC umpire laying out South Carolina QB Stephen Garcia Lawrence Taylor-style against LSU (seriously his form is quite good). I know it's been all over the internet and you've probably seen in a gazillion times. But it belongs here on FN because, coincidentally enough, our linebackers suck ass. So maybe we can sign this guy and then maybe we can start tackling a running back or two around here.

Anyway, we're still settling into our new digs here at MVN, so more patience is required of you. We figure this shouldn't be a problem since you're, you know, a Dolphins fan, and patience is really all you have.

I know there has been some issues with the comments, so chill the fuck out with all the e-mails!!! We're fixing it. This is our new home now, kids. And, as in every move, there's bound to be a dead rat in the closet or shit stains on the walls. But we'll be fully functional soon. So, patience. Sheesh.

I love you so much.

What the hell?

As you may have noticed, we finally made our transition to MVN. That's right. We hit the big time! And it's filled with bugs and broken links! Yay! We're currently working out all the kinks and hope to be up and running at full strength soon. And by "soon" we mean "we have no fucking idea." Until then, a picture of Megan Fox and her fantastic ass for you to enjoy.

The dick jokery will commence soon. Thanks for your patience. Word.

-The DUDE

Link Dump, brought to you by Samson Satele and Tony Sparano's neck roll

• DRK posted about this yesterday. My take on it is that John Harbaugh tried to defend his offensive coordinator and did a poor job and things really blew up in his face like a bag filled with shit and lit firecrackers. The best part is that players and fans were already jacked up about facing Cam Cameron's offense anyway. Harbaugh simply stoked the flames by being a total dick. The other thing I found funny is that Harbaugh took a swipe at the players Cam was "forced" to use (you know, guys like Ted Ginn Jr. and Cleo Lemon). The very same players who beat the team he's coaching right now. Finally, lost in all this madness is poor Cam Cameron and his talking penis (which I hear is really angry at Harbaugh and could be heard railing against the head coach during their film sessions). Cam probably wanted to sneak into Miami quietly, go to work and go home. There might have been an article or two about his return, but it would've been relatively quiet -- especially coming off that close-loss to the Texans. Now the poor schlep has become the story of the week, thanks to his jackass head coach who tried to talk tough but instead came across like a total douchenozzle.

• Pro Bowl voting started this week. The Miami Herald says that very early national results given to them by a league source indicates that Ronnie Brown, Joey Porter and Jake Long are leading all AFC players at their positions. Let's make that official.

Cam Cameron and His Penis Just Helped Themselves To An Extra Healthy Portion of Cock Soup on Sunday

 

We here at FN don’t suffer fools lightly so it pains me greatly to - not only reference the comment of a rookie-head coach-fool that is constantly confused for someone else named Harbaugh – but to hyperlink to the other fool that provided me with this nugget of animosity.   The latter alone makes me shiver with disgust. 

Apparently John Harbaugh has a deathwish out for his career and his team by making the comment below in reference to his Offensive Coordinator Cam Cameron during a conference call with the media on Wednesday.  Let’s get it over with:

"Cam's going to be a great match as a football coach for every situation," Harbaugh said during a conference call with the Miami media Wednesday. "He can coach. Everywhere he's been, he's been a very effective coach. He was an effective coach in Miami last year, even though the results weren't what people were hoping for. He did a great job there, with what he had to work with."

 Wha-wha-whaaaaat?!?!?!?!

Greg Camarillo and Matt Roth Go on a Blind Double-Date

The girls will be meeting us in half an hour. You ready, Roth?

YEA!!! LET'S DO THIS!!!

Take it down a notch. Tonight is date night. So no Game-Day Roth, okay? Let's not have another incident like the last time when you scared that poor girl to death. Be nice. Be friendly.

OH MAN! OKAY! OKAY!

Okay... I'm all set.

ME TOO!!! LET'S DO THIS!!!

Roth! What did I say? No Game-Day Roth! C'mon. Get dressed. Look clean and, above all else, be friendly. Friendly is the key word. Friendly.

DONE!!! HOW'S THIS?!! HI!!! HELLO!!! NICE TO MEET YOU PRETTY LADY!! BETTER?!!

*sigh* I guess. Let's go.

/half hour later at the restaurant....

...I personally believe that US Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don't have maps...

Mmm hmm (holy shit, this girl's dumber than a sock full of pennies... ay yay yay.)

...I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq everywhere like Iraq...

Mmmhmmm... (just nod your head, Camarillo. You'll have her in the sack by midnight... as long as Roth doesn't fuck things up for us... again... but he seems quiet over there with his date, so that's gotta be a good sign...) Mmmhmmm...

And O my God you should totally meet my brother he's so crazy he once took a Coke bottle and shoved it up his best friend's ass and they started doing that to each other and like making out and stuff but he's not gay or anything he's just crazy and O my God did you see Lost the other day? Can you believe that island monster was just a dream and O my God I can't believe I'm on a date with a football player! Are you good friends with Dan Morrino? He's like so hot I know he's old but I don't care I'd so let him have his way with me....

(Keep it together, Roth... NO! CHANGE! CHANGE NOW! No... just bare with her. Do it for your friend Greg. NO!!! LISTEN TO HER! SHE'S BABBLING LIKE A FUCKING CRAZY PERSON! DO IT! No. DO IT!!!! No.... DO IT!!!!)

...and then there was that one time when me and my friends went to Cancun O my God we got so drunk and then we met this guy who was like totally hot and he took us to this party and it was ...

GRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!

AHHH!!! O MY GOD!! AHHHH!!!

ARRRGGGGHHHH!!! :gulp!:

/later that night at the apartment...

 /opens door

Oh hey... Didn't expec' anybody to be home... So, uh, how'd you fellas do tonight?

Do you even have to ask, Channing? What do you think happened? I went with Roth. My date literally shit her panties and ran off crying. I was this close to closing the deal with her!

My date was delicious.

Oh word. Roth, you crazy, man.  Hahaaa....

BURRRRP!!!!! Ahhh...

Uh, Greg. Can me and m'girls borrow your bed? I'd use Roth's but he has animal carcasses on it.

 

Oh word. Thanks.

I need to move into my own place.

A Cold Wet Dose of Reality to Our Collective Groin Area

Well shit on a turtle, that was frustrating.

When the Fins defense caught those two early interceptions and The Leprechaun Patrick Cobbs left his Pot 'o Gold at the end of the rainbow to come to Houston to score a 53-yard and an 80-yard touchdown, and it seemed like Joey Porter was going to turn Texans left tackle Duane Brown into his own personal hand-puppet and have himself a career day, and we took that early 14-3 lead, I figured I should just sit back, relax and enjoy the show. Then our weaknesses kicked in. And they kicked in hard.

First off, there's our special teams. Holy titty-fuck does this unit suck. We all witnessed just how shitty they are when we played the Patriots and New England kept returning our kickoffs to the 40. Yesterday, the Dolphins coverage team gift wrapped that win for the Texans with a pretty little bow, while taking a shit in a box and Fed Exing it to us, the fans. Simply put, Jacoby Jones' 70-yard touchdown return was the difference in this game. No question in my mind. He doesn't take it to the house, we win. Period.

A Cold Wet Dose of Reality to Our Collective Groin Area

Well shit on a turtle, that was frustrating.

When the Fins defense caught those two early interceptions and The Leprechaun Patrick Cobbs left his Pot 'o Gold at the end of the rainbow to come to Houston to score a 53-yard and an 80-yard touchdown, and it seemed like Joey Porter was going to turn Texans left tackle Duane Brown into his own personal hand-puppet and have himself a career day, and we took that early 14-3 lead, I figured I should just sit back, relax and enjoy the show. Then our weaknesses kicked in. And they kicked in hard.

First off, there's our special teams. Holy titty-fuck does this unit suck. We all witnessed just how shitty they are when we played the Patriots and New England kept returning our kickoffs to the 40. Yesterday, the Dolphins coverage team gift wrapped that win for the Texans with a pretty little bow, while taking a shit in a box and Fed Exing it to us, the fans. Simply put, Jacoby Jones' 70-yard touchdown return was the difference in this game. No question in my mind. He doesn't take it to the house, we win. Period.

Game Day Open Thread

Duck vaginas.... comment away....

-The DUDE

Game Day Open Thread

Duck vaginas.... comment away....

-The DUDE

Keys To The Game: Dolphins at Texans

Before we move on, two things really pissed me off this week:

It�s absolutely stupefying that Ronnie Brown, Vernon Carey and Ikechuku Ndukwe (I had to check the spelling on that one like 5 times) all got fined $10,000 for a crappy endzone dance that didn�t even last very long.  The NFL really has become the No Fun League.  It used to be that it was a haven for coke and whores as well as colorful expressions of accomplishment � whether on the individual or team level.   There is so much pressure and professionalism attached to the NFL in addition to all the scrutiny, that there has to be some sort of outlet.  So what the fuck happened?  Why are they pussying up the one sport I absolutely love to the point that I�ll watch two teams I couldn�t give a fuck about on a hungover Monday night?  To misappropriate a concept Chris Rock so eloquently put recently:  If the NHL was hanging off a cliff and all it need was a fuck to save it and I had a pocket full of fucks, I wouldn�t spare one.  So why are people that have never played the sport trying to ruin the one thing I�d give up all my fucks for in any situation (except the Pats, Bills or Jets)???  Shit, there�s even a conduct policy for the fans!

I loved Warren Sapp when he was at the U.  I even kinda liked him as a player throughout the years and did laugh at some of the remarks he�d make from time to time.  He�s a Florida boy through and through and that�s always a huge plus in my book so I tend to give them tremendous poetic license.  However, Mr. Sapp really really pissed me off this week in saying the Wildcat offense was �disrespectful�.  The fuck?  How in the fuck is it �disrespectful�?  Last I checked, there are 11 guys on each side of the ball when the Wildcat lines up.  Was it also disrespectful when the faggot Patriots were running up the score on every team last year or was it a �prolific� offense???  Worst of all is the explanation that Warren gives is downright fucking stupid.  It doesn�t even make sense.  It�s an interesting play.  It uses an uncommon formation with an unbalanced line.  It spiced up our offense, galvanized our team and has taken the NFL by storm.  Since that play was implemented, we�re a new team with renewed confidence so fuck you in your double cheeseburger ass, Warren Sapp.  May your next order of 50 chicken wings be your last!

The Keys to the Game: