If not for Chad Pennington's final 10-play, 61 yard led drive that culminated with a Dan The Carpenter Carpenter 38-yard field goal, you'd be staring at a blank screen right now. One that would simply read: "I'M DONE" with a picture of my balls in a vice that could only be described as VNSFW. Because losing this one would have been a monumental meltdown of Wannstedtian proportions that someone like me could never have fully recovered from.
Yet, even in the most anger-inducing moments, somehow we just knew our guys would pull it off. We knew it. Somehow, even when Ed Hochuli and his merry band of morons gave the Raiders that phantom pass interference call that got things rolling for the Raiders and got them on the board, we knew we wouldn't be denied. Couldn't be denied. We knew it because the Fins were following the FN Playbook for Kicking-Ass, Taking Names and Copping a Feel very closely. Namely, running the fucking ball all the live long motherfucking, sphincter-clenching, belly-punching, boot licking, tea-bagging day to the tune of 222 yards -- a season high. We also knew it, because this game was all about setting up our showdown with the Douchebags from New England (so douchey, they cover an entire region, rather than just a city. Now that's fuckin' douchey) next Sunday. We also knew it because nothing seems to be stopping the Miami Dolphins Ass-Kicking Express right now (Destination: Awesomeville). It's barreling down at full steam, destroying everything in its wake. And it's being driven by some badass mofos.
Guys like Pennington. Dude entered the season as the poster child for our revolving door of shitty retread quarterbacks. But Pennington showed us that leadership and grace under pressure can be just as good as a laser-rocket arm. Cool, collected and sharp, The Pasty One made all the right throws and took the Fins down the field 61 yards to set up the eventual game-winning field goal. Right after that, he ran over to the defensive huddle on the sidelines and yelled something at Channing Crowder and the boys to fire them up. Probably something like, "C'mon y'all!"
And what about Ted Ginn.... Is A Miami Dolphin? Can you name any other player in Fins history who has gone from one extreme to another with the fans? The guy was the walking symbol of Cam Cameron's epic fail. Now he's emerged as a legit weapon. That 40 yard touchdown on an end around where he, once again, remembered he could run really fast, showed some serious sack. But what showed real cojones was that 7-yard catch on 4th and 5 to keep the drive and the game alive.
It was another ugly-ass win. But we'll take it. Again.
Yes, we can barely beat the shitty teams at home. Yes, our offense sometimes looks like it's being run by Andy Rooney. Yes, our special teams has been severely stricken by a chronic case of The Suck. Yes, we almost lost because we couldn't tackle the guy who shot Lincoln (Or John Lennon. Or JFK). But we didn't. We won. This is four in a row now. And, while I was stricken with a rage-filled psychosis that could only be diagnosed as "Tom Cruise-esque" during most of the fourth quarter, I've got nothing but love for the Fins right now. Think about it. Last year we won one damn game. One! The Patriots won sixteen. In a row. Now, we're facing off in a game that could help decide a wildcard berth and even the AFC East. I don't know about you, but that fills me with the urge to hug strangers on the street. As opposed to last season, when I was filled with the urge to throw shit at them.
As for the Raiders, I can only express sympathy to their fans. We were swimming in the giant lake of shit only a season ago, so we know the feeling. But they played hard til the very end. So hats off to 'em. Except for Justin Fargas. Fuck that guy.