....It's fucking Victory Monday!!!!
Fuck yea, Victory Monday!
I hate to take away from a truly gritty win yesterday that put us into the child wonderment/Santa's Enchanted Forest-like ecstasy of being 5-4 and in the playoff hunt. So it's with a heavy heart that I apologize if I'm taking a huge piss in anyone's coffee this morning, but I found this tidbit rather telling. Says Hyde:
"It's never a direct comparison because of different defenses and responsibilities and personnel. But in 2006, when Bell played with Zach Thomas at middle linebacker, Bell had 68 tackles while Thomas had 165. Through nine games, he has 71 to Crowder's 68."
Wooouuuchhh. I don't know how many times I yelled at Channing Crowder yesterday (though it was slightly less than the amount of times Seattle held us and we got no call) but those numbers aren't going to cut it. I like the dude - he's goofy and genuinely likable - but his production on the field leaves a lot to be desired. It's never a good thing when one of the leading tacklers on the team is your strong safety and more often then not I see Y. Bell flying around/making plays while Channing comes in for the requisite mop up job. You'll often see him on the ground being the last guy to hit the ballcarrier and that just pisses me off. Anyway, I don't know what the ruling consensus is but I think it's time to turn this puppy loose at the end of the season.
But, hey, we won and victory Mondays fucking RULE!!!
Lucky you. You're getting a steady dose of DRK today as the Dude sits back, takes off his pants and turns the room fan on 'high', aiming directly at his scrotal region. I don't know 'bout you but I take comfort in that.
Beginning with this pathetic and injury-maligned Seahawks team (seriously, they could use Cameron Worrell at safety right about now), we have a real opportunity to win 3 in a row during this rare 3-game homestand. That would put us at 7-4 and a feeling akin to grabbing a barstool, steadying yourself atop it, pulling your pants down and sticking your chubber in the freezer. Smiles everyone! Smiles!
But, as we've been preaching for some time now, that ain't happenin' unless we can beat the good teams we're supposed to beat. There's no question we're better than the Seahawks and Oakland, but the real test will come against New England at home. That's still a strong team despite their current QB deficiencies and we haven't swept those motherfuckers since 2000. Beating them down in a year when they deserved a good beating would be fackin' sweet!
So I'm not gonna even bother with this Seahawks "team" since there's really nothing to talk about. They're banged up all over the place and they're annoying to watch. So let's focus on what we have to do to continue the light-speed progress we've made in the past 8 games:
Prediction: Dolphins 31 - Seahawks 10
Would be our first winning mark since 2005. Oh, brother.
Your random thoughts/perversions/situations/quotations/dimestores/bus stations in the comments.
People think I'm one of the best offensive line coaches in the NFL. They marvel at my tenacity, technique and the way I get through to my players. One of the best ways to get through to an offensive lineman? Glue a Hershey's Kiss to the bottom of their underwear so, when they put it on, it goes right into his you-know-whats-it. Sweetens up the butt and makes them play a heckuvalot better.
Why does Marty McFly get so annoyed at being called 'chicken' in the last two Back To The Future's but it's not even an issue in the first one? Where's the consistency? Guy hears someone calling him 'chicken' and he explodes like you're denying the Holocaust ever happened or something. Never understood that one and it sometimes keeps me up at night while I'm trying to get my daily 2 hours of sleep.
I often like to go dressed like some kind of incognito Inspector Gadget to Tootsie's near Dolphin Stadium once a week if my eyes get too tired from rewinding tape. There's a girl there that tar and feathers herself and lets me choke her for about a minute and 27 seconds. I go right back to watching tape after that.
Sometimes I think back to 1990 or so and contemplate the strange social consciousness evident in the popular music of that time. You think about your Jesus Jones', your EMF's, your Arrested Development's - those bands were trying to say something. Whatever the fuck it is they were trying to say was a little lost on me at the time because that was my dark ketamine period.
-Dat Roro Kid
"If I'm an average Joe, I had 11 catches, most of them against him. What does that make him?"Oh snap!
Big mouth, shut-down receiver Brandon Marshall nearly made me bench his ass on my terrible fantasy team by talking shit about the quarterback-eating monster that is our own Joey Porter. Stupid fuck had this to say:
"But he's definitely one of those guys who all those muscles are popcorn muscles. He's soft. We hear stories floating around the league all the time about him, as far as him being in nightclubs, dancing with his shirt off like a girl, or in the playground getting beat up back in California," Marshall added. "He's one of those guys that no matter how big he is, he can still get knocked on his butt. He's soft. And you can tell the way he's talking. His nickname's 'Peezy'. I don't know what 'Peezy' is, Joey."
'Peezy' is the man that shut your shit down along with the rest of our badass defense. 'Peezy' is the man that I personally witnessed call your floppy-haired, emo quarterback 'stupid' several times after he threw an interception to Tyrone Culver. 'Peezy' is the man who probably fucked your wife and all your girlfriends after the game then saved up all that jizz to squeeze it out on yo' mammas tittybags. 'Peezy' is a Pro Bowl badass having a career year while you fizzle out like the slow fart bubble you are. 'Peezy' tore your shit up, son.
Besides, who doesn't party with their shirt off? The Dude and I do it all the fucking time.