Fins Nation: A Miami Dolphins Blog With Dick Jokes

Happy New Year Fins Nation!

Look at those guys up there. Don't you just fucking love those guys? I sure as shit do.

DRK and I want to wish a Happy and safe New Year to you, Nation! As always, thanks for being so kick-ass. Here's to an awesome 2009 for you and yours (and, of course, our Fins). And may all your goals and dreams for the new year come true! Mine is to do it with Eva Mendez.

Tony Sparano.... Secrets (end of the year edition)

...secrets...

People like to say that we sent Brett Favre into retirement. But I like to say we gave him "The Greasy Dick."

....secrets....

My New Years resolution is the same every year: Always be open to learn something new. For example, my wife got me a seersucker suit for Christmas this year. And here I always thought that a seersucker was someone who blew psychics.

...secrets...

If I can give one advice for the coming New Year to the ladies, it's this: remember, ladies, no matter what, the number one thought in every man's head is, "Boy, I'd sure like to fuck that."

...secrets...

So I see Chad won the Comeback Player of the Year.  I think that's great as he's a hard worker and a heckuva kid.  My vote for Comeback Snack of the Year???  Little Debbie's Cakes.  Marinate on that for a bit.

..secrets....

Captain Balls is Captain Comeback, Again

Chad Pennington has been named the 2008 Comeback Player of the Year. He's the first two-time winner.

Balls.

I know we have bigger fish to fry, but...

....I just wanted everyone to know that if Brett Favre does come back to the Jets (like some people want him to) they are definitely going 2-14 next season.  Let's hope and pray that's the case because it seems no one wants to get close to that guy for fear of contracting some gray-bearded, intereception-throwing, losing disease.  Also, fuck you Jets and Patriots.  Buffalo, you're cool cuz you suck, are not a threat to us and you have a vampire for a head coach.

 

Anyway, interesting piece here from our sworn enemy, Fagmando, about Dolphins tight end play in 2008.  Impressive stuff from our big guys and we've all seen the incredible production they've showcased - particularly in the last month of the season.  They are a huge part of this offense so hopefully NOFACE (they actually gave him a face now) can shake out those cobwebs and get back on the field come Sunday.  (You have no idea how much it pains me to hyperlink anything from Armando)

 

More on Baltimore as we get it.  But for now, I want to remind everyone that John Harbaugh thinks he's really hot shit for someone that ain't done SHIT.  The guy hasn't even beaten the Steelers yet.

While you were voting, Andre Goodman intercepted Brett Favre again

Chad Pennington, Tony Sparano, Andre Goodman, and Dan Carpenter are all up for NFL Weekly Honors. So, you know, go vote for them:

Vote for Tony Sparano for Motorola Coach of the Week
Vote for Captain Balls for for the FedEx Air Player of the Week
Vote for Andre Goodman for the GMC Sierra Defensive Player of the Week
Vote for Dan Carpenter because kickers need to feel appreciated too. Thanks, kicker!

Voting closes on Wednesday 6:00 PM EST. So vote all day over and over and over again until you shit your pants.

Word.

It Takes Big Ones

The postgame speech by Tony Sparano and ensuing celebration video is a must-see. Go here and wait for the playoff commercial to end... then click on the Postgame Celebration vs. Jets button.

Highlight of the speech:

"I told you what it takes to come in here and do what you just did! I told you exactly what it takes. It takes big ones!"

Indeed.

And if you're not crying or somehow emotionally moved by the end of this video, then fuck you with a car battery you non-feeling shit person.

Y'all Ready For This

I have no idea what the hell Nathan Jones and Courtney Bryan are doing here, but I'm gonna do it too. Weeeee!!!

And then there was that time Karma proved that she, indeed, is a bitch

After Week 12, the Jets had beaten the undefeated Titans 34-13 and improved their record to 8-3. And so came the avalanche of Jets-Are-Super-Bowl-Bound chants and prognostications by the media (not to mention the Jets fans crawling out of the woodwork to proclaim themselves Super Bowl champions...heh, idiots). Meanwhile, the Patriots took back momentum in the AFC East race by defeating the Dolphins 48-28 in Miami. ESPN, NFL.com, Fox Sports, SI.com, Las Vegas, as well as national and local talk radio all proclaimed that the Jets and Pats were going to compete for the divisional crown -- giving the Jets the edge and giving the Pats a wildcard berth.

And then, on Sunday, December 28, the Miami Dolphins took a giant collective shit on all those so-called experts, fans and odds makers and, in one swift stroke, killed the seasons of the "Super Bowl bound" Magical Favre-led Jets and the Homeless Genius-led Patriots. And so the world's most obnoxious, loud-mouthed, entitled fan bases will both be watching the playoffs this weekend with their dicks in their hands while we -- WE! FINS FUCKING NATION -- will be watching our Dolphins, our 2008 AFC East Champion Dolphins, host a game in the playoffs. Eva Mendez tits in my face awesome? Yes, Eva Mendez tits in my face awesome.

And Bill Simmons:
Please be so kind as to go suck yourself a bag of dicks. A whole bag of them. Yes, please do.

Seriously, Matt Roth is a tad imbalanced

And that's the way we like him.

And Then There Was That Time Yeremiah Bell Introduced Himself to Brett Favre