Pretty much the entire Free World is counting on us to win on Sunday and finally put Brett Favre out to pasture once and for all. How sweet would it be for the Dolphins to hand Favre -- the guy who broke Marino's records not because he was better than him but but because he just wouldn't go the fuck away -- his walking papers with a beatdown that ends a season that began with Super Bowl expectations? Sweet indeed. I'm talking Megan Fox's Ass sweet. That's how sweet. And that's just one of a handful of juicyfruit good subplots heading into Sunday's showdown in Dirty Jersey. There's the fact that we, in all likelihood, wouldn't even be in this position had it not been for the Jets desire to trade for Favre. Chad Pennington is ours thanks to that New York-Green Bay trade. And so here we are. How ironic that our biggest Christmas wish (aside from world peace, an end to hunger and finding Eva Mendez naked in our beds) would be delivered by the Jets. Appropriately enough, the Jets GM is named Mike Tannenbaum. O Tannenbaum!
That, of course, is the biggest story of this game: Pennington going into this thing with a chance to stick it to the team who kicked him to the curb for some old interception-prone dude. It would not only be the best story of the NFL season, it also solidify the notion that an under appreciated, genuinely good guy can indeed get the last laugh while a phony, diva, attention starved douchebag gets his long awaited comeuppance.
Then there's Bill Parcells returning to New York with a shot at confirming his status as The Cockpuncher with a team that, should they win, will complete arguably the greatest turnaround in NFL history.
There's also the most underrated and under reported subplot of this entire thing: a chance for the Dolphins to effectively end the seasons of not only the Jets, but the Patriots as well. All with one win. We win, and not only are we AFC East champs -- in as perky-tits-in-my-face awesome as that would be -- but we'll also be shutting out two teams nobody wants to see in the playoffs. Not because they're dangerous, but because their collective fan bases are the biggest, most insufferable bunch of low-life douchenozzles the fates could ever have unleashed upon the world. Let's do it for America, Dolphins! The Jets and Pats also happen to be our biggest, most hated rivals. Going to the playoffs and sending home Favre and Belichick? All with one win? I'll take that shit!
So if none of these subplots has got your juices percolating, then you're either dead or stuck under something (or someone?) extraordinarily heavy. That or you're just being a total dick about it.
The longing and anxiety is already beginning to bubble up. Let's do this already!
