That said, once again, our guys had to pull unicorns and rainbows out their asses to keep from losing to a 2-10 team. Drive killing penalties, no holes to be found in the running game, dropped passes, and some guy who apparently walked off the street and into a Dolphins uniform to start at corner back, would kill any team's chances at winning a football game. Fortunately, the Rams are just a tad more inept than we are. So, bully for us!
This team is a text book case for winning ugly. Has been all season. But, in the NFL, a win goes a long way. Yes, they play down to the shit-teams. Yes, we all wish they would just blow out said shit-teams by 30 points. Yes, it makes you want to drop kick an old man in the throat. But, as infuriating as it can get, the Fins seem to find a way to win these games. It's ass-faced ugly. But it's a win. Whereas last season, they had perfected the art of losing games they had every chance of winning, this season they find a way to bring home the victory. It's all good. You have to look at this season that way. You have to look at these wins that way. What else can you do but two bag that hag and go to town?
And winning, be it ugly or beautiful, is fun. And we're all about the fun.
But then the fun has to be put on hold when you realize you have to open up The Fuck Me! Files. Being logged into The Fuck Me! Files this week: the loss of Justin Smiley. Smiley was having a superb season and had become one of the best free-agent pickups the Dolphins have made in some time. Yet, as it is with our annual shit-for-luck chronicles, Smiley broke his ankle during a freak play where someone rolled on his leg. He is now done for the year. Now our o-line is made up of Vernon Whoops! Carey, Samson I Just Love To Jump Early! Satele, a Star Wars character, Jake One Foot Long and a roll of duct tape.
As for the rest of the offense, outside of Devone Bess stepping up for a solid 85-yards receiving in place of Greg Camarillo, the passing game was on this side of craptastic. Chad Pennington completed less than 50 percent of his passes. The offensive line botched two snaps and was called for five penalties. Ted Ginn apparently still refuses to catch passes in crucial moments. Ricky and Ronnie combined for 27 carries, 102 yards and one touchdown. David Martin is as useful as Chlamydia.
Oh, and hey, did any one notice Ernest Wilford played in this game? He did. And he finished the day with as many catches as you. Congratulations!
The defense made up for shitting the bed last week, with three interceptions and for making the proper adjustments in stopping Steven Jackson. At the end of the day, Marc Bulger was held to just 149 yards passing. Tetas!
Any day the Dolphins win and the Jets and Patriots lose is a good day, regardless of who's leg got mangled and how many points we won by and how many penalties we committed. Because we're living in a world where the Patriots just realized that Matt Cassel is, in fact, Matt Cassel and the Jets just realized that as their defense and Thomas Jones go, so go the Jets. Brett Favre is irrelevant. So fuck him in his salt and pepper face.
But here's the best part of it all: the Dolphins win the remaining four games on their schedule, they win the AFC East. So fuck all this Wild Card talk. Mainly because the only path to the playoffs is to win the division, and that means winning out. Even if that means strapping on the beer goggles and continuing to ride the ugly train. Winning ugly or not. Whatever. Just win.
Go get her. She's all yours, tiger.