Second round pick Sean Smith lined up with the first team during today's OTAs. This fills me with an inordinate amount of glee. Because he's just a massive sack of asskickery mixed with badassery and just a hint of dickpunchery. But mainly because, for the first time in my life, the Dolphins actually drafted a guy I wanted them to draft. Such is the measure of my self worth. That and my He-Man action figures.
At 6-3, 214 pounds with receiver speed, and a wing span that can pleasure twelve different women on all seven continents simultaneously, the guy is just a specimen. Created in a lab at NORAD and released unto the unsuspecting world with the sole purpose of obliterating Terrel Owens and Randy Moss into fine powder. Tony Sparano says Smith has shown big improvement on a daily basis. It's probably because of his steady diet of human flesh and scrap metal.
The coaching staff has been rotating the corners throughout camp, but it's good to know Smith is catching the eye of the entire coaching staff as well as his teammates.
Players like Jason Taylor, Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, and Larry Fitzgerald are what you call the Face of the Franchise. Ted Ginn Jr. is what you call the Face of Cam Cameron's Epic Fail.
The man is yet to display anything remotely close to justifying how high he was drafted and he runs like he's being chased by a bee. He's muffed his fair share of punts, he runs out of bounds pretty much every single chance he gets, and he's routinely dropped passes and fumbled the ball at key moments.
This is the guy the Dolphins are banking on to be the team's number one receiver.
Ginn is entering the third year of his career, which is supposedly the year a receiver breaks out. And the Dolphins have challenged him to step up. Everyone, from Tony Sparano, to Eric Green, to Chad Henne, are giving the man pointers.
Says Coach Sparano:
''The other thing I'd like to see him grow the most at is his knowledge of the coverage.'' That would ``help him
Eric Green told Ginn that his key weakness is getting off the press at the line.
"We know he has the straight-ahead speed. What we are working on is route running right now. He is doing
what we ask him to do, and right now he is getting a lot of balls,
doing a good job using his technique.''
If you're not convinced Chad Henne is a robot after reading that, I don't know what to tell you. But anyway... the point is pretty clear. Ginn needs to step up in '09. The offense desperately needs a go-to-guy at receiver. The Fins are banking on that guy being Ted Ginn Jr.
Every other headline on ESPN's football page gets to the point, as headlines are wont to do. Two Colts players are recovering from knee injuries, the player's union wants to halt drug suspensions, the Panthers' owner makes his first appearance since a heart transplant. All solid, to the point, headlines.
Then there's the one about Tom Brady.
Not only is he throwing again, but he stretched in light rain. Christ. If there was any more room, it would also include: "...and then he serenely placed his helmet upon his wonderfully coiffed head, a face touched by the hand of God, made from the mold of a thousand beguiling cherubs, as he brought the emerald green cup of Gatorade up towards his sublime mouth, gently caressing the lip of the cup with his supple thirsty tongue, taking in the thirst quenching liquid as if it was wine from the goblet of Athena herself...." (Watch Video)
Holy fuck, ESPN. We all knew you had the hardest of hardons for the King of All Douches, but try and be a little more subtle and a little less F. Scott Fitzgerald about it. Fucking cockbags.
In another story, I find it rather awesome that the Dolphins -- known for their secrecy and tight lips and bland press conferences and close to the vest philosophy -- are blatantly practicing the Wild Cat in front of the media. It's pretty much a message sender. That message: "Fuck you in the pants, NFL!"
The Dolphins have signed Will Allen to an extension. This according to Drew Rosenhaus and his twitter. The deal is for 2 years and is worth $16.2 million.
Allen is coming off another kick-ass season with 3 INTs, 50 tackles and all-around solid play at the nickel. It's a great move by the Fins. Will Allen is an invaluable part of the Fins secondary, will bring great leadership to our young stud corners, and is an all around heaping sack of balls.
So by now you all know that defensive lineman Randy Starks was arrested over the weekend for pinning a cop against a vehicle with his vehicle. He was released on $10,000 bail and faces felony charges. So it looks like Starks
might just have run his own ass right out of town. Or not. Stay tuned. The
details appear fuzzy, as does the lack of depth at d-line for the
Starks found himself cruising South Beach late Saturday night/early Sunday morning, and reportedly had thirteen people in his truck that is supposed to seat four. He also had a woman sitting on his lap while he drove. Needless to say, if Starks is going to get cut from the team, he chose the best possible way to do it. By having a hot chick sitting on your lap while you ram your party bus up against a cop on Ocean Drive. That's one crazy-ass holiday weekend, broheim.
In a related story, my holiday weekend consisted of me emptying my entire Star Wars action figure collection on the living room floor and having myself a kick ass intergalactic battle! Pew-pew! Yer dead Snaggle Tooth! Yer dead!
The Dolphins have agreed to terms with fifth round pick, tight end John Nalbone. It's a four-year contract that includes a $173,000 signing bonus.
Nalbone's contract includes an escalator clause in 2012 for the low
restricted tender if he reaches a 35-percent playing time level during
any of the next four seasons.
So Bill Parcells' dream of fielding an all-tight end team is nearly complete. The recent news of Ernest Wilford playing H-Back is another piece of the tight endy puzzle.
Parcells' love for tight ends borders on obsession. Like me with Megan Fox. Only he actually has tight ends, while I have my pillow. Some would say there's a huge difference between the real Megan Fox and my pillow. But keep in mind that my pillow also doubles as Marissa Miller, Lucy Pinder, and both girls from Forgetting Sarah Marshall. So, in the end, I think we all know who the real winner in all this is.
Ross has partnered up with Kangaroo Media, who are providing 5,000 specialized hand held wireless devices in all premium seats and suites at Goofy Ass Name Stadium.
Essentially, fans will be able to customize their experience at the
games, by choosing camera angles (including a cheerleader cam),
watching other games available on Sunday Ticket, ordering food, getting
fantasy stats and texting others in the stadium. More features will
become available eventually, and the product has the capability of
taking feeds from a number of different sources.
The devices are available only for those who purchase premium seats and suites. Everyone else will have to actually watch the game. Haha fuck you, poor people!
I guess it's a cool innovation. Ross predicts other teams will follow suit. And it makes sense to give the people that arrived to the game via helicopter or hovercraft another toy to keep them occupied from, you know, the game. The rest of us sitting in the plastic seats in the sweltering heat are fucked. But hey, look! On the big screen! It's Lou Diamond Phillips! Awesome! My testes are melting.