I'm gonna be honest here: I'm not terribly optimistic about our chances this Sunday against a very, very scary Ravens team. They have the #2 ranked defense, a few former Miami Hurricanes (guys that LOVE to come down here and show up the local team for their 3,000 family members in attendance wearing replica jerseys), a rookie QB that is playing pretty damn good football and can turn Andre Goodman into J.B. Brown with the flick of a wrist and they have fuckin' Ed Reed. Ed Reed is one very bad dude and there's nothing he loves more than fluttery balls that hang in the air long enough for him to camp under and snag them. Doesn't help that the dude has (by my count) 4,983 interceptions in the last 3 games. They're physical on both sides of the ball. Their line is completely dominating and features Haloti Ngata waiting on pins and needles for the chance to gobble up Satele on every play. We don't even have Smiley this time around. Guuhhhh.
However, the one thing about this Dolphins team (one that constantly reminds me of the '03 Marlins by way of the number of surprising 'holy shit!' moments) is that we have a crafty group of veterans at key positions (other than WR) and some young guys that are visibly hungry. You can't count these guys out of any game much less a winnable home game with a frenetic crowd and against a rookie QB making his first playoff start. Rookie QBs haven't fared too well in the past with only 2 (Roethlisberger and Shaun King) winning their first playoff start. We have to hope and pray that history remains on our side.
The Keys
- Smart, tough, disciplined (I'm looking at you, Allerman) and physical football for 60 minutes. This is not the game for early sheepish play followed by cunning second half adjustments. We have to come out fired up and firing away. We need to find a way to get the ball downfield and expose their only defensive weakness: the over the top game. They've given up quite a few plays (41) of 20+ yards and they're near the middle of the pack in 40+ as well.
- I'm officially calling Joey Porter a saggy, old, popcorn-muscled, Old Yeller motherfucker unless he steps up and plays big. Sparano can back his man all day and talk about closing out the edge but this is a league where hitting the QB is a PREMIUM. The more you ding that guy up the more he resembles a boxer in the 12th round. It's a war of attrition and we need Joey Porter to stop acting like a goddamn faggot and hit somebody in the mouth. You're soft, Peezy. I said so. If you don't like it, you can give me a call. Email The Dude (assuming your slow ass even knows what an 'email' is) and he can give you my number. I'll fly you to Bushwick where we can fight on the street like REAL DAWGS DO. I don't wanna see no fuckin' pussy shit on Sunday or I will be on yo' azz all day long, muthafucka. You gonna ride come Sunday???
- The return of Jason Ferguson and Paul Soliai for this rematch is no small matter because McClain and McGahee are a very scary tandem. McClain is one hard-hitting S.O.B. I have no problem with someone pulling a "Last Boy Scout" on him and taking him out while he's running with the ball. No problem with this at all. We held league-leading rusher Thomas Jones to a statuesque 23 yards on 10 carries. We need to be stingy in run support.
- If we can do that, we'll put the game in Flacco's hands and I have a feeling he'll waver some on Sunday. He's going to get caught up in the moment. His unibrow WILL flare up and cause him to lose sight temporarily in certain passing situations. I know you shave that shit, Flacco. You can't bullshit me. That shit up on your ugly fuckin' face is CONNECTED. You shave it or wax it every few days when you're all by yourself. You're lying to yourself if you think it's not obvious to everyone around you, including your teammates and coaches. They laugh at you when they talk about it, you goddamn circus freak.
- I don't know what's left to explore of the Wildcat but we need something. I feel like we need a big play in the 1st Quarter to get the crowd rocking and put these guys back on their heels a bit. The Ravens are like your typical bully: Just one solid punch to the 'nards and they turn into the Wolfman from The Monster Squad. ("Thank....you...?")
- Fuck John Harbaugh and Cam Cameron with the first AIDS-infected dick. Fuck their families with it, too. Ray Lewis, Ed Reed and Willis McGahee: You are DEAD to me. No, no! I don't want to hear it! Don't come begging for forgiveness. You had your chance, you traitors.
Prediction: Dolphins 13 - Ravens 10.
It's gonna be one of 'those' games, boys and girls. Field position and punting and I'll be whistlin' Dixie if it comes down to that. Totes fine by me as long as we edge them out. Pennington plays smart and our D shows the world that we can play a little defense as well. I suspect the Ravens will still go up and down the field but they can go fuck themselves because they are not winning. Oh, yea. I almost forgot. Fuck you, Simmons!
