Rex Ryan was introduced as the new Jets coach today and I literally had to call my mom, run out of my office into the middle of the street, panic, shudder to myself in a corner and beg strangers for help because I'm so scared of this guy and the absolute juggernaut he thinks he's going to turn the Jets into. I'm, like, really really fucking scared, bro. My favorite quote:
"The message to the rest of the league is 'Hey, the Jets are coming, and we're going to give you everything we got. And I think that's going to be more than you can handle'".
That sound you just heard was Satan, Hitler, the entire Chinese Military Industrial Complex, Darth Vader, the Zodiac Killer, Bruce Lee, the US Navy SEALS and all the other bad motherfucker the world has ever seen and will see running out the door as fast as possible. I mean, everyone should be freaking out right now. You may have nightmares from just watching the Jets storm onto the field. It's like Hiroshima + Nagasaki to the 10th power.
