It's time to choose the inaugural Cockpuncher of the Year. Named for our glorious leader who might! leave! at! any! moment! Bill Parcells, aka the Big Tuna, aka The Cockpuncher, it is an annual award chosen by you, the Nation, for the Dolphins player that displayed the heart, grit, determination, talent, dexterity, deftness, and overall go-getter quality that helped the Fins meet with success. In other words, the dude who cockpunched the shit out of our opponents the best.
The Nominees:
Chad Pennington
3,653 yards, 67.4 completion percentage, 19 TDs, 97.4 passer rating, The Resurrector of Franchises, Purveyor of Reprisals, Cute with 1 pair of XXXL Balls
Joey Porter
47 tackles, 36 solo tackles, 4 forced fumbles, 17.5 sacks, Bullet Holes in Ass, Surf King of Hawaii, Killer of Small Horses
Ronnie Brown
916 yards, 10 TDs, 1 passing TD, Purveyor of Wildcat Badassery, Conjurer of Thunder Bolts, Destroyer of Worlds and Patriots Defenders, Probably made Bill Belichick punch Ellis Hobbs in the junk out of frustration
Yeremiah Bell
120 tackles, 100 solo, 3 forced fumbles, 1 sack, Muthafucka!!!!, Baddest Mofo Lowdown Round the NFL, Dislodger of Kidneys and other Assorted Internal Organs
(Poll Has Closed. Fuck off cockface. Just kidding. I love you.)
The Nominees:
Chad Pennington
3,653 yards, 67.4 completion percentage, 19 TDs, 97.4 passer rating, The Resurrector of Franchises, Purveyor of Reprisals, Cute with 1 pair of XXXL Balls
Joey Porter
47 tackles, 36 solo tackles, 4 forced fumbles, 17.5 sacks, Bullet Holes in Ass, Surf King of Hawaii, Killer of Small Horses
Ronnie Brown
916 yards, 10 TDs, 1 passing TD, Purveyor of Wildcat Badassery, Conjurer of Thunder Bolts, Destroyer of Worlds and Patriots Defenders, Probably made Bill Belichick punch Ellis Hobbs in the junk out of frustration
Yeremiah Bell
120 tackles, 100 solo, 3 forced fumbles, 1 sack, Muthafucka!!!!, Baddest Mofo Lowdown Round the NFL, Dislodger of Kidneys and other Assorted Internal Organs
(Poll Has Closed. Fuck off cockface. Just kidding. I love you.)
